What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

[ms spock]

So very anxious like I can't go on. I can barely move today.

I went to bed early last night and got up at 7am this morning.

 

[ms spock]

Hey just wondering what medications did you come off of? I just came off one as well.

I came off Endep at the end of last year and Luvox about 6 weeks ago. I have a couple of threads going on this process. Weaning Off Anti-depressants And Anti Anxiety Medications. How To Deal With Arising Feelings?

 

[99Phoenix99]

Weird. Happily so.

I'm in a situation where I'm being forced to reevaluate the past year of my life. And I'm on the verge of tears because I'm PROUD OF MYSELF. I'm getting my act together and am moving on. Compared to a year ago? I'm a different person.

I don't think this could have happened without this site.

I am beyond grateful and unbelievably overwhelmed. I was never a believer in crying because you're happy... But I am now.

 

[shoulderblades]

Hypervigilant. Annoyed. I'm taking everything personally today and reading into everything and it's driving me nuts. I'm so annoyed with myself. Why can't I just have a normal conversation without being so hypervigilant.?

I know exactly what you mean. Every conversation I have with people, every human interaction I have, I am hypervigilant. I notice everything - every inflection of words, every nuance, every facial expression, and my internal dialogue is filled with constant dissection of what people are saying: 'Are they angry with me?', 'Are they irritated with me?', 'Are they going to hurt me?', 'Are they going to verbally attack me?', 'Are they going to misunderstand me and what I'm saying?', 'What did they mean by that?'. It's exhausting.

Today I am feeling horribly dispirited and depressed. I feel like I don't have the energy to keep going anymore.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

I know exactly what you mean. Every conversation I have with people, every human interaction I have, I am hypervigilant. I notice everything - every inflection of words, every nuance

You know before I was diagnosed and I did all this I realized out of everyone I know I was the only person doing it. I seriously thought I was some kind of insane. Literally. I had no idea what it was or what it was called or why it happened. I beat myself up like crazy. When I got the PTSD diagnosis I was able to sit back and put all of the puzzle pieces together. All of the weird overreacting makes no sense why would I even begin to think that way kind of things.

Now it has a name it makes some kind of sense. Even if it doesn't make it easier. Now I know what's going on with me and where it came from. I'm sorry you go through it too and yet I'm so glad I'm not the only one. I knew I couldn't be but I just didn't know anyone else who did it.

I think the worse part is getting myself SO UPSET at what I THINK the other person is saying that I start reacting to them as if they had actually said what I thought they did. And they didn't! Then they're all confused as to why I'm all but accusing them of behaving one way or another. I seriously wish there was a pill or a switch or a roll of duct tape strong enough to silence it.


Right now I'm feeling more calm. And I'm thankful for that.

 

[WaveLength]

I got stuff done today; yucky weather, but I feel calm, meditative, reflective and ready to sleep!! Till tomorrow...

 

[shoulderblades]

Now it has a name it makes some kind of sense

This is, in my opinion, why correct diagnosis is so important. When you have the symptoms but no definition of what the symptoms mean, then treating or even just addressing the symptoms goes around and around in circles. But if you have a definition of what the symptoms mean, then there's structure, there's a goal, there's a way forward, there's understanding of why the symptoms are there, and having structure and goals and understanding and a way forward, when everything else is so chaotic and out of your control, is so important. It helps make more sense out of the big mess going on inside your head. No, it doesn't make it easier; it just helps it make more sense, which makes things more manageable. That's always been my experience, anyway.

I think the worse part is getting myself SO UPSET at what I THINK the other person is saying that I start reacting to them as if they had actually said what I thought they did. And they didn't! Then they're all confused as to why I'm all but accusing them of behaving one way or another.

Yep. Exactly the same for me, too. They don't even need to have said anything - all they need to do is give a facial expression that I automatically interpret to mean something (because I was raised having to guess what everyone was thinking because no one in my family ever TALKED about things, everything was always a huge secret and a constant test of "intelligence", and if they did talk about things it was to accuse, berate, scold, abuse, and so I was left with just facial expressions to try and work things out - and if I guessed or assumed a facial expression incorrectly and acted accordingly, there was always verbal and emotional hell to pay), and I start inwardly panicking over what the facial expression means, I start assuming the worst, and then everything starts snowballing into near catastrophic paranoia and fear and shame and guilt - all things which my family and my abusers programmed me with.

I realized out of everyone I know I was the only person doing it. I seriously thought I was some kind of insane. Literally. I had no idea what it was or what it was called or why it happened. I beat myself up like crazy.

Again, yep. I have lived with this near crippling social anxiety and hypervigilance for over 20 years, and it's only in the last few months (I'm 32 now) that I've been able to work out why. The hard part is working through it to better manage it... which I've come nowhere close to achieving. But I also know it's going to take years of work to untangle the mess my abusers have made in my head.

And to keep this sort of on topic: I am now feeling exhausted. I've cried myself stupid this morning and I'm now emotionally exhausted and drained. It's that heavy, dreary, dull-headed feeling of tiredness that goes right to your bones and makes you feel weighted down and lethargic and lifeless. I want to sleep so badly, but my brain is too wired with lugubrious anxiety to let me relax. I wish I had some weed to calm me down.

 

[ms spock]

I feel like it is all too hard and like I don't have what it takes to go on. My default is so low. I know that this is coming off the meds stuff but it all feels so difficult.

 

[goingonhope]

Wednesday turned around when I pushed myself somewhat further. :)

I do now need to get some sleep.

Today has been quite a day. I have worked much, attempted relaxation, did a really nice job of surprising my husband tonight and believe I've done a great job with our daughter's hair. I've been squeezing in education too. It seems I've taken quite the interest in medical studies. I've been also enjoying yard work and comedy.

I'm not so much depressed today as my anxiety decreased, though somewhat tired, yet feeling fairly well.

Life provided somewhat of a reprieve today and I am somewhat pleased with myself and even more so with my accomplishments.

 

[ms spock]

Feeling better tonight.

 

[Froggie]

I feel better today

If you feel better it is because of all the efforts you put into your Life, you are a very courageous and determined person ((((Ms Spock))))

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Optimistic. :)