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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

@therisa I wish they'd figure out the technology for me to pass you some vitamin E lipbalm through the interwebs. Glad that R is doing a bit better and that she has your help. I hope the sleep debt lets you work out a 'payment plan'- you've got a lot to take care of, make sure you put yourself on that list.

@Hope4Now wow, it's awesome that you tried the zipline, very vivid description. Not sure that I'd be brave enough to try, but it looks like fun.

I'm feeling blah and eh. Nothing specific, just the usual default grey.
 
This day turned out well. I am relieved. I am actually up late for myself. It is an odd feeling that I have trouble explaining. It is almost euphoria that the day turned out so normal, but not my normal, someone else's normal. In a good way. I wish for more days like this. It has to get better, right?
Hey, I've been there. I'm starting to like normal days more... even though everyone else's normal is so totally weird for me! For me, I just keep believing that I'm making progress and things are going to get better. I have to. I'm so glad you had a good day!! :joyful: I've got my fingers crossed for you... wishing you many, many more good, normal days.
@macca hooray! You talked to your mother and felt validated. That is HUGE. I'm high-fiveing you virtually.
@macca, I second this! I know you were so worried about this... I'm glad you felt validated. It must have been so difficult, though. Good job getting through it! Yay! :hug:
Maybe I just need like 10 times the amount of meditation that other people need?
So glad to hear you felt better today, at least for awhile! You may just need to make a lot more time for yourself, just relaxing. I used to get terrible, terrible migraines when I was so busy, busy, busy (one of my coping mechanisms before I found out about PTSD). Migraines would force me to stop and lie down in a dark room with no sounds. After resolving some trauma and spending A LOT more time taking care of myself, I rarely get migraines anymore. I'm so glad to hear you're taking time for yourself! As for meditation... I know it helps, and I need to do a lot more, but I have so much trouble just making the time and making it happen. I'm going to take your example as inspiration and make more time this week! :D
Feeling "normal" again. What is this? It seems so odd to me. I'm not going to question it too much. I'm trying to go with it and see where it brings me. Better then the feeling I had when I first woke and didn't want to get out of bed. But everyone deals with that, right? I don't know anymore.
Haha! I just have to laugh, because I've said the same things... normal just feels so weird. My strategy now is to not question it and enjoy it while it lasts. It never lasts, but it's happening more and more for me lately... and I'm sure it's going to be the same for you! I definitely think everyone has that feeling about not wanting to get out of bed in the morning. It's warm, it's cozy, there's nothing that needs to be done, no stress, just lying in bed. Everyone hesitates. For me... I tried to find something that makes me feel good as the first thing to do in the morning... something to look forward to when I get outta bed. I like to drink a smoothie or make tea first thing in the morning, without really thinking about anything else. Just the idea gets me going, gets me outta bed, and it makes that transition smoother. Then after my smoothie or tea, I'm up and more able to face the world. :hungry:
 
What am I feeling today? :cautious:

I'm okay. I'm eager to just rest and relax all day. I pushed myself too hard this week. I have to avoid that cycle of adrenalization and collapse. It's a great distraction, sure... to run, run, run like a chicken with it's head cut off :chicken:, get totally exhausted, and then lay around like a zombie for awhile recovering. It's what I've done for years. But now, now I'm done with it. I want to stick to the middle. I don't want to be busy, busy, busy as a means of coping with all these overwhelming feelings caused by childhood trauma. So, today I'm relaxing. The Oscars coverage has already started, I think, and my daughter and I love looking at and critiquing all the fashion. We'll do that. I'll relax. I'll vege out. That's what Sunday's are for. And tomorrow, I'll hop back up and get back to my to do list and exercising and plans. I don't have to keep moving every second of every day! :confused:

I'm feeling better today after having so much stuff come up all week. It was exhausting, dealing with all those feelings. I always underestimate how much it takes out of me to have to deal with PTSD symptoms. I'm not going to make the same mistake I made in the past. I am going to relax. I am going to take a day off. I am going to take care of myself. Wow... who is this person? :alien:

In general, I'm feeling content and grateful. I keep focusing on the good things, the positive things. :joyful: I'm determined.
 
Finally talking to my mother to get information has been a good move, and the validation was priceless (they usually invalidate me). It's stirred up my symptoms though, so I didn't sleep last night (maybe got an hour). The depression has reared up like a monster wave, I don't even know what thoughts I'm having that I could connect to it. I'm going to choose to see it as part of the process, that it's just Phase 1 of "post-validation" and maybe healing.
 
Emotion is really high today. I can feel tension and anxiety at the back of my skull and the top of my neck. I hope I can get through the day without a meltdown. I am trying to keep in mind the discussions of yesterday but I am vibrating with stress at the moment. The SI is there saying the only thing for me to do is kill myself as that is inevitable. Or my distorted thinking is saying the only thing for me to do is for me to kill myself as I have stuffed up too much. Feeling anxious about managing to get ready to go away. So off to see GP will write list when I am there.

Feeling like I will manage a little bit better today as I spent a lot of time last night self soothing through listening to one song over again and again. I can do self soothing. I did allow people to support me and challenge that distorted thinking yesterday.
 
Afraid years of smoking have caught up with me as would be expected. Afraid. Slept two hours.

Still - smoking was the only comfort I knew for years and years. I don't regret it - crazy as that sounds. Or let's say - I have compassion for the self I was.

It could be nothing. Just stress. But still...you know how it is when you fear the worst and just don't know. As for seeing a doctor, well...

That is a hard one franciemarnie.

I smoked to emotionally regulate for a long time too. I wish I had had better management skills then.
 
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