Very mixed.
I have been splitting wood and that has helped give me some positive of feelings of being productive and healthy.
I am also feeling some mixed emotions due to my session yesterday. I shared with my T that I had some opportunities that I wanted his advice on. The director of CASA asked me if I would consider being project manager for a new teen program (a volunteer position), I could also be an advocate for them, I could volunteer at a local ranch that uses horses as therapy for abused kids and adults. I also have an opportunity to help develop a new business in a sustainable farming concept for vineyards. My T was completely honest with me saying that he didn't thing the CASA or ranch idea was good at this time. He felt that it would be too triggering for me. Maybe in the future. Thought that maybe the vineyard thing would be good as it would utilitze my skills and allow me to be away from people. He reminded me that I quit work to focus on getting well and that he thinks there is merit to this.
He also made some comments about my insurance that indicated that I will be in therapy for quite some time.....
So how does it make me feel?
Really screwed up - my T has given the first indication that he recognizes this, which is good.
Embarassed - I hate admitting that I am really as bad off as apparently I am. Kind of hard when you have a professional point it out.
Thankful - that my T is honest and real with me
Antsy - It is hard to be so self focused and not fill my time up with distracting busyness
Confused - I was brought up to believe helping others was honorable, in my case it is a way to run away from my own problems
I thought being happy go lucky, spontanteous and optomistic was a good thing. In my case it was a way to hide my own despair
Frustrated - that those things stated just above are what I am to strive for but as a matter of being whole, not in the manner that I have
done it.
Disillusioned - that it is going to take so long to get better, to be whole enough to be doing positive things with the right motive.
I have been splitting wood and that has helped give me some positive of feelings of being productive and healthy.
I am also feeling some mixed emotions due to my session yesterday. I shared with my T that I had some opportunities that I wanted his advice on. The director of CASA asked me if I would consider being project manager for a new teen program (a volunteer position), I could also be an advocate for them, I could volunteer at a local ranch that uses horses as therapy for abused kids and adults. I also have an opportunity to help develop a new business in a sustainable farming concept for vineyards. My T was completely honest with me saying that he didn't thing the CASA or ranch idea was good at this time. He felt that it would be too triggering for me. Maybe in the future. Thought that maybe the vineyard thing would be good as it would utilitze my skills and allow me to be away from people. He reminded me that I quit work to focus on getting well and that he thinks there is merit to this.
He also made some comments about my insurance that indicated that I will be in therapy for quite some time.....
So how does it make me feel?
Really screwed up - my T has given the first indication that he recognizes this, which is good.
Embarassed - I hate admitting that I am really as bad off as apparently I am. Kind of hard when you have a professional point it out.
Thankful - that my T is honest and real with me
Antsy - It is hard to be so self focused and not fill my time up with distracting busyness
Confused - I was brought up to believe helping others was honorable, in my case it is a way to run away from my own problems
I thought being happy go lucky, spontanteous and optomistic was a good thing. In my case it was a way to hide my own despair
Frustrated - that those things stated just above are what I am to strive for but as a matter of being whole, not in the manner that I have
done it.
Disillusioned - that it is going to take so long to get better, to be whole enough to be doing positive things with the right motive.
