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The older girls are making eggs for breakfast and I am in so much pain. I find that when I am not feeling well I tend to go downhill in my thoughts but I keep on catching myself and doing my best to stay positive.
Still trying to break up the fight between myself and I. I'm losing, stressed myself into feeling ill and cancelled my plans to go out for the night. Instead I'll stay home alternating between crying spells and fits of terror over pretty much nothing. If I try really really hard, maybe I won't yell at myself the whole time.
I'm very worried about my son. He's in a crisis. He's far away and in a place that's very triggering to me. Most of my traumas happened there. I'm trying to distract myself. I keep stopping the tears. I'm not ready to cry yet. My poor son. I feel so powerless and helpless. I wish I could do something to help him but I know there isn't much I can do. I wish I could make it go away for him.
I feel decent. I can't decide if I am going to run out to Home Depot or not. That's better then my just chilling at home. It will count in my number of times I get out of the house for my therapy tomorrow. We'll see.
Today I'm exhausted and things ache. That's okay though because I left the house and was social last night, that's good progress. I fought through the anxious-depressed-scared funk and went out. I'm allowed to be tired and slack off after doing that.
Alternating between getting-things-done mode where I don't feel very much, and feeling more, might be old stuff -- which seems to lead to really quick exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed by 'normal' things.
I moved out today and am staying at a friends house. It was so very sad to say goodby to my family and the older girl and my daughter were so very sad. I was feeling very sad and I miss them so much.