Much, but I am so exhausted. I slept only 1 hour tue night also, could not sleep. And tried not to eat yesterday then ate too much and was sick all day and night. So I guess I am also grateful I am off now, and feel less lousy.
Grateful for my two story apartment, even though COVID pushed the rent up to nearly 1K a month.
For my platonic partner/best/only friend, who has seen the absolute worst of me and is still with me and let's me date openly. We have lived together for 12 years.
For our two cat-daughters.
For my cooking skills and the fact that we get to eat fresh cooked meals every night.
For Internet, TV and music, even though I can't enjoy them, at the moment because of I have anhedonia.
For my doctors (the new ones). When other doctors gave up on me, and that one harassed me, this new team are the ones dedicated to finding out the cause of my illness and proper treatment. They have gone out of there way to treat my every need. When I got MRSA, my GP didn't give up. When I cracked a tooth, they helped me find a dentist who would accept my insurance. And my hormone doc who saved my life by helping me to align my body to my true identity. God, I am so grateful for her.
My keyboard, which I haven't played since February of 2020, but hope to someday play, again, if I can ever get that spark to reignite.
My deck, with contains my garden and where I sit and watch the birds at the feeder.
The fact that I live in a quiet, peaceful place and am no longer a part of the rat race that nearly killed me.
I do have fears but I try not to let myself get lost in them. It's hard but I'm learning, if slowly, not to outright ignore them but to sit with them and not pass judgment, just let them flow through. My current therapist and I are working on mindfulness practices.