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What Are You Grateful For Today?

I didp it. Bared 40 years of shame and self- and-other inflicted trauma. On an anniversary, in anniversary season. And didn''t throw up before, but close.I hope I can start new. I know I don't fear heaven now. Plus in retrospect explains much of my self hate, fear, and disgust, and SI. Most grateful for the courage, opportunity, trust and God and the person who made it possible and walked me through it, and withstood it with much gentleness and no blaming or shaming.. Relief of much grief and pain, but also accepting responsibility. Idk if it is more proof I'm crazy? But I am trusting this version of crazy more. Crazy grateful amazed 2.0.🌝
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Thank you so much @Teasel ! I hope you are ok! Yes, very much so. I thought I might fall apart after.. or during.. or before. But- I am ok. Though I couldn't find where to plug in my vape charger lol 🧐. And I guess I have to eat something today but don't feel like anything yet. It just came to me a few minutes ago, I did some good things, too. I mean, not super-common good things, but highly committed good things. Well common and uncommon things. That's actually not something easy to say.

I suppose one thing about it is, I certainly can understand where people can really go off track. But for the grace of God go I.

I suppose too, some things really were traumatic, not one to say that. I had no where to turn. Not a great thing, but really bad when you feel you've already caused harm. All the while living a double life- honors in school, dating, full time work. Asked why I was always so positive and cheerful. 😳 Crazy burden and sorrow. I thought of that today, some sadness is pretty deep. But that's ok too, Rumi? or Hafiz? or someone said ~the deeper your sorrow the more capacity for joy. I hope so. Gratitude anyway. 😊

Hugs and much love to you! 💝💙 Xoxox
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I am really grateful for who I trusted from way back, despite my misapprehensions and difficulties trusting at that time in particular (and for a long time), and for listening to their words to keep showing up, no matter what my mind or even others might say. Very grateful and thankful, to God, and for them, and the help, and the progress even I can recognize (what a relief). So Thankful.
That my mom’s neighbor started learning piano several years ago.

I remember their horrid plonking, the first few years.

As I sit here in the twilight and am swept along by the intricate beauty swirling up and away across the night air towards the stars.