What Are Your Coping Skills?

[Luthien]

I am just wondering what skills others use to cope with their PTSD symtoms. I have had PTSD for 7 years now and I don't feel that I have any solid coping skills at all.

When I am under extreme stress, such as being triggered, I tend to just go totally crazy. I do things that I am not aware of, such as self harm, sometimes intentional, sometimes just silly things that put me at risk. Other times I flip right out yelling and crying, almost in full panic, and this usually ends in me hitting myself repeatedly or banging my head very hard on the floor until my husband steps in to physically restrain me. I have even physically attacked my husband if he is trapping me and not letting me escape after he has triggered me. Basically this is me attempting flight and then fighting when he wont let me flee.

It is very scary, as I do not feel that I have any coping skills, and any reactions I have are dangerous. I live with an underlying fear that one day I will end up accidently killing myself, or doing some serious harm, so I avoid anything slightly distresing like it is the plague, but that has gotten me at a standstill in my life.

If anyone has some suggestions of what they do during extreme stress to calm themselves or otherwise occupy themselves I would be greatful.

I know the reasonable answer would be to get a therapist to help me with this, but I have tried many times to find help through medical doctors, psychiatrists, and the like. There are just not enough resources in my city, and I have fallen through the cracks. I am now searching for other methods of help.

 

[Deleted member 541]

You need to remember that you are in the here and now, and NOT in your trauma, or back into it. Ground yourself......Carry with you something that has a strong odor to it.. Perfume, fresh coffee grounds, cinnamon, just something that you like, that when you are triggered you can smell it and then self talk yourself into staying in the here and now.

Touching things, can help also. Self talk is the biggest one to use though. You need to just keep telling yourself over and over that you are safe, and not in harm.

The more that you work at identifying your triggers, and learning how to de-escalate from them, the easier it will get.

My question to you is.......What are you so angry about when you get triggered that you lash out at yourself or others????? Looking at this may help you to be less angry, and violent.....

 

[Luthien]

I don't think I usually react like that from anger. What usually happens is that I get triggered, and I try to run away from the trigger (which is usually my husband freaking out on me). He gets pretty bad at times if he is angry and sometimes goes WAY below the belt by bringing up my rapes, and earlier abuses by family, to lash out at me. The result is that I get completely overloaded, and I physically attack myself to try to escape the trigger, or sometimes attack him if I am trying to leave and physically stops me from leaving. It doesn't seem like it is a matter of anger, at least not anger that I am aware of. It is me being over stimulated and trying to escape the stimuli.

What I want to know is what kind of tricks I can use to stop myself from totally freaking out. The scent thing is a very good idea, and now that you mention it I do use the feel thing, when I am flashing back or dissociating I will sometimes intentionally feel my husband's pulse to ground me.

 

[A-RON]

I think all my coping skills are actually symptoms. I've learned to be more assertive, but that's just hyperawareness. I've also gotten really good at raising my voice and cutting people off in mid-sentence to prevent them from causing greater pain to me. And I would almost say that staying up late and writing about it might be a coping skill, but if you're throwing off your sleep cycle, it's probably just another symptom. So I guess I don't know any coping skills. What can you do? I have no idea how to overcome PTSD.

 

[Dylan]

Hi Luthien,

Coping skills...what a great topic.

You asked, "If anyone has some suggestions of what they do during extreme stress to calm themselves or otherwise occupy themselves I would be greatful."

Well, here's the thing: we do what we practice. I absolutely MUST practice coping skills during non-high-stress times or else it's a guaranteed bust. That's why self-defense classes have a person practice and keep practicing. That's why we have fire drills because, in an emergency, our survival instincts kick in and there's no way I'll remember where that fire extinguisher is during a flight response - unless I've practiced it. The only way, the only way, to override survival instincts is practice.

Having PTSD (meaning, my limbic brain/my survival brain is extremely sensitive) there is very little chance I can get on top of a "spin" if I haven't been practicing, if I haven't started wiring that neuropathway to other behavior, other coping (survival) skills. I can't do them once, or even once a week. For myself, it's pretty much daily; they have to be part of my daily life.

Everyone chooses what "cocktail" of tools works best for them. For me, I use a form of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)that helps rewire both my thought and emotional responses. I practice physical grounding/mindful techniques. This is the only chance I have at these reponses coming to mind during a trigger.

It's like, from PTSD, I have this huge mind rut. My brain, just like the tires on a car, will slide right into the deepest groove. When my gas pedal hits the metal (a trigger), it makes sense that I'd fly into the deepest groove. Trying a technique during an emergency I haven't become skilled at doesn't feel safe (and rightly so!) and it probably won't even occur to me, anyway. Daily, persistent practice starts to wear a new groove, a new rut. In my life, I've found it's the only way.

I know you mentioned that external support isn't part of your support structure, but for myself, PTSD is a condition of isolation and I have to have support (sometimes professional support).

HTH-
-Dylan

 

[Salu]

Like Dylan said - routine. I used to carry a small rock in my pocket that I could reach out and touch at any given time. In school I had this tiny gray cat/tiger puppy and I did put that on my table during class.
But basically what helps is to create your own little rituals in your head. When you have practiced those long enough then finally when those feelings come you just start to do whatever you have chosen to do and that automatically will help to change your train of thoughts.

And something I don´t exactly suggest because of the self harm tendencies but in a way it has helped me. If I´m triggered I just let go. I let go and start thinking - whats the worst thing that could happen if I go there/do that? I let all those feelings just wash over me, all the fear, anxiety, tears, hatred, cruelty, solitude, obsessive thoughts and actions and just let it come. Downside - cant really do it when somebody else is there. And to be honest I don´t know if it actually helps itself or it just helps because I´m just so tired afterwards.
One of my thought during those times is - in two hundred years nobody is going to remember me, my fears, my sometimes bizarre behavior, my incapability to fit in. So why? We´ll all end up six feet under eventually, why bother with those feelings? Thats not so successful one, but it did work for a while too.


Breathing is one of the fastest way - deep and long.

 

[dust]

Like She Cat, I do things to help me be in the world and carry an essential oil to smell at all times - as well as this, I use my senses as much as possible: touching, looking, listening. Oh, and I find singing VERY helpful too! Doesn't have to be loud!

Dylan... this really rang true for me...
'I know you mentioned that external support isn't part of your support structure, but for myself, PTSD is a condition of isolation and I have to have support (sometimes professional support).'

dust

 

[Luthien]

Thanks for your comments everyone. I would like for external support to be a part of my PTSD, but it just isn't possible where I am right now. The medical system in Canada, and especially where I am living is slipping, so for now ideas are good.

I like the idea of practice, and am surprised I didn't think of it on my own. I am a trained singer and I continually train my voice through exercise and practice, it is now second nature to me, so I am sure practicing coping skills would be beneficial to me.
I also use rocks for their energy. I use them for healing and have specific ones that are for anxiety and stress. I never thought to make them a part of my coping skills routine, but I'm going to jump all over that one.

Any other ideas are very welcome. I believe the more positive skills I have in my arsenal, the more likely I am to be able to use at least one when I need it.

 

[patrick]

Dylan,

Your mind in a rut analogy works better for me than anything I've heard yet relative to CBT. I'm new in it, trying to figure out what it's all about. Thanks for your wisdom.

Luthien, good luck to you. It must be hard not having access to the help you want and need. You seem to be very receptive to ideas other people express here. Open mindedness and willingness are critical, I think, and I do hope you can find some ideas that work for you here.

 

[cragger65]

Luthien, one thing that I practice (both formally in meditation, and at other times) is stopping to take note how my body feels. Is there tention anywhere? Can I take a few breaths and lessen some of that tension? How much am I creating myself, just through how I'm "holding my mind", what mental attitude I'm practicing. Can I change it a little bit. Just like has been said here by several, if you make it a habit, it becomes what you reach for when things get rocky.

PS. I hope I'm not stepping over the line, but I can't help but say, your husband does some pretty inappropriate shit. Anything that can be done to limit that negative input from him will go a long way toward allowing you the space you need to explore new options.

 

[Luthien]

Cragger,

I wish I could stop to take note, have the ability to analyse myself like that when I am in a stressfull situation, but I do not even have the chance. I go right into full panic, or flashback, and do not have the ability to reason at all. It would be very helpful if my brain would work when I am experiencing that level of stress, but then, if it did, I might not even have PTSD.

I meditate regularly, and look at myself like that when I am calm as it helps me with my Fibromyalgia. Sometimes all I need to stop a pain flare is the realization of what has caused it, but I haven't got to the point that I could do it when I am freaking out. There is nothing but absolute panic happening.

Did you have to work to get to that point, if so how long did it take? Do you have any pointers that might help me learn how?

And please, do not worry about speaking your mind. My husband does go over the line when he brings up my attack in an argument. He is working on it. I just need to have an arsenal of coping skills at the ready in case he does it again, and lets not forget, he isn't my only trigger. Most times he is the only thing that can help me. I need to find ways of helping myself if he isn't there, or if he is the cause of my stress.

 

[cragger65]

Yes, I had to work at it pretty much daily for... it's been about 5 years. Remember, it's not so much about making the episodes stop, as it is about reducing their intensity and duration. Anything that can slow it down.

Another approach that I use regularly is:
1. to accept it - float, don't fight
2. give yourself permission (of course I feel this way, because...)
3. Deep, slow breathing
4. Positive self talk (I can get through this, I always have)

It's a bit more structured if you're flailing. That first point is the key though. Float along with it, be flexible in your attitude.

hope this helps,
Dave