What Are Your Coping Skills?

[2quilt]

This is a great topic. I can't think straight when I am triggered, so I also need to get some coping skills. Deep breathing and trying to sense tension in my body don't work for me because when I am triggered, I can't separate the trigger from the original trauma. I freeze and disassociate. This is really bad when a trigger comes when I am driving or operating heavy machinery.

I need to learn how to separate the two.

 

[TLight]

Really good topic;

My entire life, I too experienced the same things when triggered.....slapping myself, trying to flee, fighting back..........of course, for some reason, I always picked men to live with who triggered me.........it was horrible. I was constantly on high alert and barely holding it together with that kind of stress level...........and, of course, I'd let 'Daddy Two' move in with me. Terrible decades...........

I've gotten better with my grounding practices. My current boyfriend doesn't trigger me, thank heavens........and when I do get triggered, he is always there with understanding words to comfort me and bring me back to the present.

I love the analogy of building different neuropathways. My therapist and I talk about that a lot and it is slowly but surely, I believe, working..........I still am terrified of going back to work, where a ton of very bad things happened to me........but I don't have to face that for awhile, thank heavens.

Another very excellent grounding technique..........holding an ice cube in your hand.

I agree.........your husband needs to really get his act together..........I'm concerned he is hurting you even more by taking the 'episodes' so personally instead of realizing what is happening and assisting you. Does he know anything about this condition? I've found that our partners and friends really need to have there emotional 'shit' together in order to be with us or we risk extreme injury. I almost was successful at a suicide attempt because of an extremely selfish partner who insisted on attacking me when I was triggered..............very cruel indeed and it almost cost me my life.

The situation with your husband has to change.........please consider talking to him and explaining to him that this condition is life-threatening........it's not just an argument and he doesn't, under any circumstances, get to bring up your trauma as an attack tool...........set him straight on this one.
I'm worried about this for you...........very damaging.

 

[Dylan]

I think it's relevant to also note (probably since this is one of my bigger challenges!) that sometimes all that can be managed is damage control, especially in the beginning. Maybe damage control/regaining balance should be the FIRST skill taught in coping skills. Anyway, I still tend to get pretty down when my skills weren't up to the situation and my emotional elevator fell 40 floors before I could slow (or stop) the free-fall.

First, because I know that the more time I spend in the basement, the stronger that wiring becomes (hard wired to a triggered state and/or more and more sensitive to triggers), but also because it's a hard climb back up. It's almost like I have to take the frigging stairs up, but a trigger is a run-away elevator down.

Second, I still tend to see it as "something wrong with me", that I'm fragile/ high maintenance (a characteristic with which I dread having to identify) and the belief system that scolding/berating myself will actually result in positive change.

Anyway, my counselor has repeatedly called my attention to "damage control/clean up" skills as an area that really needs attention from me, so I thought I'd throw it other there...

I also relate to a partner not being sensitive or skilled in dealing with PTSD. My partner used to call me "flounder" - as in I was continually floundering, like a fish out of water. It didn't come from cruel intention, but rather from ignorance, lack of skill, frustration, and her own past garbage. I do think that the berating thing is common in this culture: the belief that we can shame or 'angry' someone into getting/being better. I don't know where your relationship is, Luthien, but I ended up having to have a very candid conversation about "zero tolerance" behavior.

-Dylan

 

[Luthien]

Wow, the ice cube idea is a really good one. I see how that could actually stop a flashback in its tracks.

I would like to clarify that my husband doesn't take my flashbacks personally. He is extremely supportive to me through the PTSD, and he is always there trying to help me through it. The second he realizes what is happening he does everything he can to help, even if he was the cause of it. He definitely doesn't attack me when I am triggered. He attacks me when he's really angry, and that causes the trigger. Then when he realizes I have been triggered, his protect instinct kicks in and he turns his anger right off to help me.

He realizes it can be a life threatening situation, as I have almost died three times because of it. Two were direct suicide attempts, that were very nearly successful, and the third was me hiding under a tree during an ice storm in the freezing cold for several hours without proper clothing on. I suffered pretty bad exposure after that one and was sick for weeks afterwards.

The only problem is, I need to know how to help myself, if he is not there, or if he ever fails to go into the protect mode.

I am very afraid that PTSD is going to end up killing me, and my death would be a tragic accident, beacause I wouldn't have even meant to hurt myself. I need to have the tools to help myself when these episodes arise.

I can sort of sum up what happens by saying this. I have an extreme allergy to bee stings. I will be dead within two minutes of being stung if I do not recieve my epipen injection and a benedryl injection immediately. The thing is I become so quickly incapacitated that I am not able to give myself the injections, and I have to rely on someone else to do it for me, or I will die. That is how badly PTSD is affecting me as well. When I go into a flashback it is similar to the bee sting, I Become so quickly incapaitated that I can't help mysef, and must rely on someone else.

What I am trying to do is build up my list of coping skills and find ways of getting through a stressful situation on my own should the need arise.

My flashbacks are so intense that I am unable to distinguish between now and then. It is like BAM! I am back there. It is like I fell into a vortex and am transported right back where I was then. I see what was happening, smell it, physically feel it all on a level that is so realistic I honestly can't tell the difference. It even causes me physical pain where I was hurting then.

Apparently the last time this happened, which was on the anniversary, I laid there fighting, and crying, reacting as though it was happening until I wrapped my hands around my own throat and tried to strangle myself to stop what I thought was happening.

Fortunately my husband was right there with me. He stopped me from hurting myself, and after about half an hour was able to help me get through the flashback.

I don't even know if my reactions are normal. I am scared that I am also crazy on top of having PTSD, but I have to try to do something to help myself, and that is what I am doing.

I love the scent idea, the feel idea, the idea of using a physical object like rocks, and the icecube idea. I am going to practice using these things in an attempt to make them become coping skills that I will use.

Thank you everyone for your great comments. :) Keep them coming.

 

[TLight]

Luthien;

Your experiences are so similiar to mine.......my whole life I've been this way and never understood what was happening to me. It was so easy to just write myself off as crazy. I just believed I was hopelessly crazy and could never subject myself to anyone, therefore I would isolate like crazy and missed out on so much of my life.

My therapist, whom is always there for me and is knows what this experience is like, has been my savior. This is a very difficult disorder, but we can overcome.........I'm believing that now because I've seen some improvement in my symptoms.........finally.

I encourage you to not let up on finding a good therapist. Keep plugging away at all avenues.........I know it can be extremely tedious and frustrating.......but anything you can do. I came to a point where my life depended upon it.........I was seriously done. I hope you can find someone.

 

[Luthien]

Hi Tlight,
I just wanted to say thanks for your comments to me. I don't know where to begin with finding help atm, but I am going to be hiring myself a good psychologist the same day I get my settlement money. (I'm suing for the assault I endured that was the cause of my original diagnoses of PTSD. All that remains of my case is to determine the sum they think should make up for it.) I haven't lost hope entirely, I just know that for now I am my only hope, as no professional wants to help me for free.

It is very frustrating to be ingnored and pushed aside as I am by the medical system, but I am not going to just sit still and suffer without trying to help myself. I find this forum to be such a source of inspiration and great advice. It has been just what I needed, and I found it none too soon.

I have to hope that it will help get through until I can find a therapist.

 

[TLight]

I spent 16 years fighting for care, not really knowing what was wrong, having Fibromyalgia caused by the PTSD......totally insane and everywhere I turned the system fought back at me and made me feel like a loser............not the case. I went through two lawsuits with employers and disability insurers, finally got SSD, then found the right therapist, who I've been paying for out of pocket, but she's the one...........
I know, I've fought until I thought I had no more fight in me............I didn't have anymore fight in me in fact. I was down............two suicide attempts made a difference to SSD. I was down and I was serious. My life had been hell, nothing but hell and I was done. And I was so alone the whole time..........when I let people in, they took advantage and I was hurt even more.

Now, with the help of my therapist, I have some wonderful people who actually care about me in my life..........this has had a huge impact. You have your husband and I know that with determination and keeping focused on healing, you will have more.

Blessings to you and please be gentle with yourself.

 

[fin]

I've learned to be more assertive, but that's just hyperawareness. I've also gotten really good at raising my voice and cutting people off in mid-sentence to prevent them from causing greater pain to me.

this is a new one for me...I found myself doing this a few times recently

 

[fin]

I have to say that the above I dont normally do...its just I think I am pretty awful at being heard and trying to assert that I am about to get lost somewhere and maybe that person needs to stop pushing me...I dont know if this is a coping skill or me just being bad...I dont think its me being bad...it has to be better than me loosing the plot and freaking out or triggering flashbacks and reliving stuff... doesnt it?

 

[Faith Hoffen]

Wow, I can really empathize with a lot of what you are saying Luthien. That would probably drive me into even more of a state of rage. I'm still working on dealing with coping skills too. You guys have some good ideas. Does anyone have any more ideas about it? I'm interested to know for myself too.