What Bad Shit Have You Done - Daily, As it Comes To You, Your Past, Lets Be Honest

[UnKnown-Self]

@Heather 1) Anthony's post calling for judgment free environment in this thread.

I'm glad its judgment free because I just remembered how I would go food shopping on Sunday's and my oldest son was about 11-12 and with me, the big Sunday paper would go in the child seat part of the cart and sometime during the shopping trip we would visit the VHS section and he would pick out a movie. It had to be Disney or along those lines because his little brother would be seeing it too. As we strolled through the isles getting the groceries I would slide the video into the Sunday paper. It was a game we played because as hard as he tried he would never know for sure until we got into the car if the video was in there.. The cashier never took the paper out of the cart but sometimes I would offer it up and they would always say no ...
I am not proud of this and I have no idea why I did it ... My son never stole as a kid or adult... Yes I am ashamed but I also own it, can't change it and I was one hell of a damaged young woman.... I would even go as far as to suggest for some reason I have a dissociative part that is a no.. "The Thief" huh... Not excusable, I was aware .... But .. I think I should save this shit for my private diary...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

But .. I think I should save this shit for my private diary...

Nah, thats what this thread is for. No judgement here. You learned from it, right? Its now off your chest right? AND we arent judging you and still love you! :hug:

 

[The Albatross]

Bringing this forward... just cuz (heck even I had to go back and refresh my memory) from 2006...

This is not a self esteem booster as veiled outlined already. What it is, is a guilt ridding thread that you can dump all your shit that your not proud off, get it out, off your chest, not be judged, just be honest. Nothing more or less with this thread. We have all done bad things, whether it be attempted suicide, picking on kids at school, drugs, stealing, violence, etc etc... it is a guilt ridding thread.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@The Albatross so you're saying its bad that im proud i stole that sign without getting caught? ;)

Nah, im joking, stealing in any fashion is bad and other than that, the only time I stole was back in 'the house of hell' and thats cuz I had no other choice.

So im still deciding on whether to include the forced stuff or not. It is stuff i hold against myself still...

 

[The Albatross]

For me it was (the shoplifting) after a date rape in the military... just a few times... stupid shit for no dang reason. I didn't even know why I was doing it... we know now though don't we? :O_o: Ah well. :whistling:

The forced stuff... I'd think I'd leave to your diary or start another thread? I don't put everything out there in the general forum ... just my thing.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

@Snafu
Each time the thought visits you, remind yourself, you are not your past. Try to stop punishing yourself for things you can't change and you would not do today ... You are no longer that little girl... But she is part of you... Forgive her and tell her you understand she was only acting out what she was taught... She was not a bad girl... Maybe damaged but with your help she can forgive herself...

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I didn't even know why I was doing it

Yes we do! ;)

The forced stuff... I'd think I'd leave to your diary

Its already in there. And yeah, would be way too much for this thread. And i have to figure out or sort out forced & not forced anyway. Someone (namely my therapist every week) saying "its not your fault cuz you were forced" just doesnt get through for some reason.

I know something huge that I do that I hate and wish I can stop. My blind explosions. I dont ever raise a hand but my god im screaming, backing people into corners, etc. And it hurts people.

Granted ive learned, somewhat, to feel it coming to sorta give me a few mins to get the f*ck out but geeze, when they happen, they happen.

I have a boring life, I really dont do much.

The baby I molested when i was 14 was likely the biggest non-forced thing i hold against myself.

Oh i know one, Ive slept with all of my friend's boyfriend/husbands...they are all ex friends but none know about it, to my knowledge. Even my step mom's best friend, we used to sneak around at night and he'd have me give him oral. The diffence is none of them were seduction things, they approched me. Doesnt make it ok at all, just saying that it was a full submissive thing that im sure goes back to my past.

Im sure i'll think of more later. Im trying to put things in one message instead of have a lot of small ones so im thinking hard here.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

@Snafu (though I so need to take this advise too so sorta calling kettle black here) I fully agree with @Alice.in.Wonderland!

 

[Marie E.]

I wrongfully took another woman's man gradually while pretending to be her friend. :mad:

I was forced to leave my children at home by my ex and lied to the cops out of fear from flashbacks. I saw my children's father's face because the cop had resemblance. I just wanted to stop the intrusive memories! I went back to that ex in full denial and lied in court later on that I did it.

I molested a boy when I was in 3rd grade.

I stole from Albertson's store with my older brother in 3rd or 4th grade. We took candy and sunglasses and our mom made me return it. Yet I don't remember my older brother being punished. She used to always favor both my brothers. I was punished because my mother couldn't process the guilt of my father molesting me and the separation from my father. :cry: The only reason I think she changed later on is cause I was abducted. B*tch!! To think I talked to her today!!

I taught my older kid martial arts and said to use it in school for self defense and he did! Once he became popular he turned into a bully. I had to comfort him, let him talk to his current therapist cause he also had ptsd because of his father as well. :cry:

Break and grounding!!

 

[Ronin]

I taught my older kid martial arts and said to use it in

The similar falls to my list of Stuff I'm Guilty For Not Doing in regards to foster daughter.
Lot of tangents, there. Both in things I taught her and not having the time to teach her the subtleties, and things I didn't have the time to teach her.
Mostly angry at myself for not being able to help her enough with the bigger bullies that were her parents and company. Survivor's guilt ahoy.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Knowing the kids next door to me were being abused and did nothing. Waking up in the middle of the night as the two fought next door. Screaming not knowing where I was, who my ex was ... I was a little kid and my parents were fighting... How I hated my neighbor for taking me there ... Still I did nothing because I was scared ..
Knew my brother was abusing his family. Did nothing.
I did nothing I guess because I hadn't done anything about my own abuse..

 

[Leigh925]

@Snafu thank you for your bravery in sharing. I'm amazed at your courage. Your post inspired me and I went into therapy today and talked about a similar incident that I thought I would never have the courage to ever tell to another soul. I don't feel lighter yet. But I feel my brain chugging along and sorting the information and I feel like it was the right thing for me to do. So thank you.