What Can I Do To Improve My Performance In School?

[Deleted member 27340]

I'm so fatigued and out of focus all the time. Paying attention and working hard is really tough, and being sick both physically and mentally at the same time is really taking a toll on me. I feel like I could sleep for five days straight, but when I first go to bed I can't sleep until long after midnight... The fact that it's dark outside and dark in my room and dark everywhere doesn't matter (living in Norway I've struggled with insomnia due to lots of light during summer).

Obviously this makes it hard to stay on track with homework, chores, friends and training (rock climbing). My school expects me to do well because I just skipped a grade. My friend expect me to be their friend, obviously. My dad expect me to do my chores at home, show him respect and be good. I expect me to progress in my rock climbing.
None of these expecting people communicate with each other. None of them seem to be aware that I'm pulled between them all. I know this is extremely common for my age.
My dad also expects me to open up and talk about my inner feeling to him or go to therapy (and magically be healed in three weeks).

I just wish I could do better. I have a dream and a goal, and to be able to reach it I need good grades. I need a grade average of at least 5,1 (6 = A, 1 = F, grade average is simply normal average of all your final grades). That's pretty high. Based on the grades I've gotten so far I figured out that at the moment I'm probably on about 5,3.

Still, I'm a zombie. I'm fatigued. My brain is foggy and I'm living in another world. I feel disconnected. I do have my moments where the fog goes away and someone decided to connect me again. In these moments the emotion, pain and despair is so overwhelming that I end up hurting myself till the fog has returned and I'm yet again disconnected. It makes doing well in school extremely hard.

Any advice...? I've got one supportive teacher, have little to no support from home, and it's a little hard to understand for my friends - even the older ones.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think you're learning an important life lesson, and I'll leave it at that.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I have more or less the same problem as you do, and almost every time I come to full awareness I get to a really bad state. But before important stuff medicines are what I resort to. I take around 10 mg diazepham to sleep (two 5mg pills of Normabel). That lets me sleep, mostly. Before the thing I take a lot of caffeine. An actual thing that works at all times? No. My situation is similar to yours. Parents expect me to be completely capable, everyone expects a lot from mr, while I go over my limits to achieve all that. I have problems with stress induced anxiety, and if startled, rage. I hate myself.

 

[Recovery4Me]

go to therapy (and magically be healed in three weeks).

:hug: I hope that sentence means you are still allowed to go to therapy, not that it was the only amount of sessions that you were able to receive?

I take around 10 mg diazepham to sleep (two 5mg pills of Normabel). That lets me sleep, mostly

:hug: Good to hear that you elected to accept the medicine for a bit to get some occasional :sleep:! Very proactive!

I have more or less the same problem as you do, and almost every time I come to full awareness I get to a really bad state.

Equally solid advice and I agree it is the same for me.

~~~~~

Being pulled into so many directions, adds to the PTSD stress cup which is already pretty full from the trauma. So at times we may feel like this:banghead:. It is important to understand 'self-care' which is not the same as selfish. Not so long ago that word could not even be found in some of the US Dictionaries and I was instructed by our curriculum to teach the concept in college orientation as many of the students echoed your concerns.

Do they teach time management, making time for "self-care" or "me-time" in your schools in your respective countries? I ask this in humility of understanding your feelings and so I could ask questions such as:

*What fun or relaxing thing do you schedule just for you?
Examples might be: perhaps the rock climbing for Trauma...;)

*Do you pamper yourself in anyway?
Examples might be: an new hair cut (that rocks in style), perhaps a new soft pillow to assist in comfort with sleep or your time spent on preparing a special meal that makes you happy with solid nutritional uptake to boost the IQ and health.

I know this doesn't address the ache inside from feeling not understood nor connected to anyone. But here the two of you are talking about authentic inner thoughts...and the rest of us here believe in you (+ try to offer a little too)!

Give it time...support grows on you from the forum as we hang out together.:clown::hug:

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I try to schedule fun stuff, but my schedule consists of work, and when I asked for permission to meet 'her', my mom started opposing it and locked me in the house, for I 'don't work enough'. Pampering myself, rarely... I don't really have much fun in life, it's a constant slumber of work, pain and tiredness. I don't even know what I'm doing it all for, I have no real goal and life seems false to me. I do math for the sake of being a mathematician, and not because I love it, I am simply good at it. If someone asked me to list my life goals and asked a 'what then' question one to many times, I wouldn't be able to answer. I don't find actual goal or purpose in what I do. I feel empty, lifeless. Like a robot, ora computer. Good at it's task, but ib reality, without feeling of purpose. I feel useless, dumb and stuff, I might be a really good mathematician, but there is barely anything I like of which I can think at this moment, wet from rain, waiting at the bus stop, lonely amongst all the people. I hate myself. I can't even havea purpose, I am void, empty of personality, just an act. Every time I say I'm fine, I fall deeper into the slumber. Purposeless. My own face disgusts me, I can't look at myself in the mirror. I am afraid to see myself. I barely remember when I ladt laughed. I stand alone, the third one in a pair. Trying to join, but unable. I probably shouldn't even exist. I am a sad, crushed, fallen being of no purpose.

 

[Recovery4Me]

@otakujome ...very profound on many levels.

Most of the areas of your post, I can humbly offer, I have experienced or endured which does not make it the same but does allow a small snippet of understanding. I will not belabor the similarities between us in an attempt to prove such at this time but will try to gently offer a few thoughts that you may or may not feel are worthy at this season of your life.

All feelings have some value as well as purpose within a "mindfulness" balance. Without understanding our shadow side or our darker moments, we can not fully embrace the opposite side of the equation. My being "forced" to achieve in accounting for freedom, taught me an equation within US Accounting:
Assets = Liability + Owners Equity

Simply put , balance your life with a quest for bringing forth a positive resolution, setting your goals in incremental success. Liabilities can be offset with ownership and produce an asset of a more fulfilling life.

Consider perhaps, hate can be the opposite side of the coin of love. Learn to see your own value, accept whom you are temporarily in a position that you may not like...but there are good qualities within you plus a future for you with you in it with liking yourself.

So what might you consider to do to have fun or "me-time" or to help you laugh that would be not 'other focused' but you focused? In another thought, could you discuss this perhaps in your T. sessions (if you elected) and find a way to include some self-care and laughter? You owe it to yourself.:clown:

May not be helpful to you in the moment...but I can visualize you feeling better about yourself and having perhaps a little laughter in the future. Can you?;)

@Trauma Positive thinking also has been proven to assist with one's grades as well as retention of the material. The brain can build stronger pathways with familiarity of the mind map (road) traveled. So it is a solid technique to use while in study. Assist with upbeat music perhaps as well as fortified with nutritionist snacks.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I am to down to see my own future as happy. I simply am not capable of that.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Oh you two are both so wonderful people I can't even... :hug:

I hope that sentence means you are still allowed to go to therapy, not that it was the only amount of sessions that you were able to receive?

Therapy is free and unlimited. Health care and education are completely free until you're 16 in Norway. Even after that you'll get health care covered the minute you pass a given amount of money used on health care (and it's not that high, so all chronically ill people will get their health care covered from the beginning of the year). Mental health is split into two main departments; the one for minors and the one for majors. Those are both split into one inpatient and one outpatient department. They're run by the government, as all health and education-related institutions in Norway are.
I just simply don't want to be in therapy.

I take around 10 mg diazepham to sleep (two 5mg pills of Normabel).

I wish I could get meds. Just something to help me sleep. I don't need more, unless anxiety meds actually work. HOWEVER my dad is calling all meds for mental health related issues "chemical lobotomy" and he's strictly against medication in general. Even antibiotics, even when antibiotics is the ONLY option. I just want to sleep. I'm kinda desperate. I've mixed different kinds of painkillers to see if that could help knock me out, I've starved myself to see if that can help me sleep, I stay awake the whole night and it's following day just to get some sleep the night after... I even tried to see if masturbating could make me get some sleep, but I'm not comfy with that at all so it just made everything worse (lol) :banghead:

Equally solid advice and I agree it is the same for me.

Poor us...

Do they teach time management, making time for "self-care" or "me-time" in your schools in your respective countries?

Not really. Some teachers do, but it's not a mandatory part of the curriculum. I know a lot about this from my own reading and studying, though.

Examples might be: perhaps the rock climbing for Trauma...;)

Hihi, yes, rock climbing<3
I also like to write, draw, play instruments, lay on the floor and blast music at a minimum of 80 decibel while just listening, and -- apparently, didn't figure that one out until Halloween this year -- act. On Halloween I was actually asked how long I'd been acting:x3:

*Do you pamper yourself in anyway?

I actually do! In April I cut off 60 cm of my hair because I wanted a change, now I'm planning on letting it grow out a little longer before dying the under-layers black (my natural colour is a funny shade of blonde), making a couple dreadlocks where they'll look good, make braids with leather cords in them and have at least one stripe of a fancy colour. I like chaotic and details :D I'm also gonna get a facial piercing, I just need to figure out where it'll fit because it can change so much of your appearance.

I know this doesn't address the ache inside from feeling not understood nor connected to anyone. But here the two of you are talking about authentic inner thoughts...and the rest of us here believe in you (+ try to offer a little too)!

Give it time...support grows on you from the forum as we hang out together.:clown::hug:

You, all of the people on here, are so amazing! I'm used to being looked down on by adults when I'm the only one so young, but I've never experienced that here and I don't thing Otaku has either.

'don't work enough'

From you message in our private convo (yeah, I read it, I just haven't had time to reply yet - sorry) this does in my ears sound like a completely insane and wrong and nuts statement! You need to do things for YOU, not anybody else. I've learned that this is extremely important.

Assist with upbeat music perhaps as well as fortified with nutritionist snacks.

Music is always part of my studying :p Even in class. Most of my teachers are fine because I pay attention anyway, but some are not. We just had a lot of students from the uni at our school to teach, and one them probably told me to take my headset off 20 times every. single. class. He's given up now, though :D Mission accomplished. Music really, really, really improves my performance, regardless of field. In school I usually listen to either Iron Maiden, Black Sabbath or Ozzy Osbourne. They're really good for studying, and because I'm not fluent in English I can somehow make my brain believe that it "can't hear" the words. That thing is getting trickier every day, but I actually find the slight distraction of the lyrics good. I'll get distracted by something anyway, but it's easier to return from the lyrics I've heard 50 times than from a conversation going on by my side. My Porta Pro headset has become my hallmark, part of me. I'm the "short-haired girl who always wears black and that headset".
Snacks... gr. Food. I should eat more frequently, you're right. It's just hard to find something to eat. I'm on a gluten free diet right not and so far it seems like gluten may actually be the source of my food-related physical reactions. My dad kinda doesn't want to buy me too much gluten free stuff because it's so freakishly expensive.

I am to down to see my own future as happy. I simply am not capable of that.

:( :hug:

 

[Deleted member 27340]

Jeeeeez long post

 

[Recovery4Me]

@Trauma , yes, it was a fantastically enlightening post!!! I really enjoyed your share!:hug:
I also really like hearing about you,your school work, music and your country. :tup:

You have it going on girl !!! I can almost see you now- bopping around in your black wardrobe and headset. Too cool! :joyful:
Have a great weekend and figure out snacks your Dad will buy to help your grades. Let us know how it goes.;)

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Morning people!

I now notice how much brainstorming my post was. Trauma, have you tried to fall asleep by knocking yourself unconcious. It's not really healthy, but works. Hm, can't your theraphist or someone make them allow you to take pills. Do you have any really supportive friend?

 

[Deleted member 27340]

[DLMURL="https://www.myptsd.com/c/members/27340/"]@Trauma[/DLMURL] , yes, it was a fantastically enlightening post!!! I really enjoyed your share!:hug:
I also really like hearing about you,your school work, music and your country.:tup:

Aw, thanks. :hug: I like talking about those things too, so we've got a perfect match! :p Or really, I just like talking in general. Doesn't really matter what I talk about. Hence all my long posts where I just go on and on about stuff :D
I just had to use google translate to check if hence was the right word to put there. I wrote it automatically and kinda understood its meaning in English, but could not remember what on earth it was in Norwegian. Lol.

I can almost see you now- bopping around in your black wardrobe and headset. Too cool! :joyful:

With baggy band tees and my black hoodie vest with a 60-years-old leather jacket for men. Fake Dr. Martens, and when I take some time to pamper myself, different variations of leather bracelets and chains on my trousers. No wonder everyone in my grade seems to know who I am :hilarious:

Have a great weekend and figure out snacks your Dad will buy to help your grades. Let us know how it goes.;)

Thanks, I will! I had a great time at the clubhouse yesterday (my buddies are so great, daaaaaaamn, they played The Trooper close to perfectly and then made a really, really cool, original and good song out of nowhere with another guitarist from our town), today I'll skype with a friend and my sister and tomorrow I'll go climbing for the first time since I got sick last Saturday. :)
I don't think he'll spend money on that. I can try to make myself snacks instead. I usually eat lots and lots of potatoes and veggies. I fry them ^^
I'm also the one making the most dinners... this week I've made dinner for my little sister and me every day, except the one where we ate at out grandmother's. Our dad doesn't really cook much.

Morning people!

Morning, early riser!

I now notice how much brainstorming my post was.

It was. It was great, though. I liked it.

Trauma, have you tried to fall asleep by knocking yourself unconcious.

Yeah, I have. I figured out it was a bad idea. Also, I've got this strange fear of dying in my sleep. I think I developed it during a panic attack I had 6 years ago or something where I was so scared and didn't dare to sleep because I was convinced I'd die in my sleep. :banghead:

Hm, can't your theraphist or someone make them allow you to take pills.

I kinda quit my therapist because she was an annoying piece of shit...? I've got a doctor's appointment the 25th, I'll ask my doc about it.

Do you have any really supportive friend?

YES! I've got this one buddy. He's one of the guys who played The Trooped and made that song, he's one of the guitarists. We're the same age, and he's the only one who's not many years older I can actually have a real conversation with! We can discuss psychology, history, war, atomic science, music theory... everything. And he's really supportive too, but not in an annoying way, in a perfect way.