What Costs You A Spoon?

[Nessa7]

• Anything financial, even if it isn't bad
• Nightmares
• Skipping breakfast
• Not drinking enough water for my medication to work
• Being around people that are arguing or angry
• Getting a lot of phone calls
• Picking up the phone without knowing who is calling
• Doing the dishes
• Seeing people or places that are triggering

 

[joeylittle]

Reopened

 

[Teasel]

Feeling uncomfortable in the presence of another human being. Especially if there's an expectation of my staying in their presence for a while.

Is usually much worse too if it's one to one vs a group. I rarely have this problem with appointments etc. It's with with friends / acquaintances or used to be heartbreaking when my ex was particularly abusive.

The feeling uncomfortable - often ends up with flashbacks. I realised recently I've hardly ever had a good response from another person in my presence when I've felt uncomfortable.

And I realised this week I have seriously been surrounding myself with the wrong effing people. If someone reacted 10% as nice to me as I would to another I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

So, I asked for this thread to be re-opened, cos having limited/ finite "spoons" is something I really struggle with... all the more so atm because of physical illness on top of usual limitations.

Tagging @Freida and @Innordinate cos I know they struggle with their spoons too and how to use them and how to accept it too... and hoping they'll have something smarter to say about it than I do :)

Edit to add: I think the thing I struggle most with is the pure maths of it... If on a bad day I only have three spoons or two spoons or one spoon... Then what the heck do I do? Life doesn't work like that, IMO. So I just pretend that I have more spoons and carry on... Which doesn't work either, of course...

I just dunno how to live a three-spoon-life...

 

[The Albatross]

Dusting or sweeping. (Allergic to dust and dirt which is really inconvenient and a source of consternation... to make things better I make myself ill.)

 

[Innordinate]

I think the thing I struggle most with is the pure maths of it... If on a bad day I only have three spoons or two spoons or one spoon... Then what the heck do I do? Life doesn't work like that, IMO.

yup
no idea

i think i spent all my spoons and they haven't been replenished at all the last 3 weeks so im in spoon overdraft and the interest rates killin me

 

[Deleted member 47099]

i think i spent all my spoons and they haven't been replenished at all the last 3 weeks so im in spoon overdraft and the interest rates killin me

I was thinking this too, today... That I'm actually currently in the "negative spoon" range each day... :meh:
Yay us, hey? :rolleyes:

 

[Freida]

When spoons are gone? I have to really prioritize. No more "oh ya need to do this.". It has to wait. Sometimes longer than I'd like. Because if I borrow from tomorrow it just makes it worse. Don't get me wrong , sometimes I have to borrow....I just have to be able to justify why

I make lists of why rather than what then check off as I go...
If I know how it fits in to my overall plan then it's easier to stick to

self care comes first (that was a bitch to learn)
Exercise.... Walking dog and yoga
Nutrition...planning meals and grocery shopping and cooking
Meditation...
Stables...physical therapy and calmness
Why those first? Because it's what keeps me able to move and think
If I can't move and think nothing else matters.
Took a loooong time to get that into my head. But if you think about it then it makes sense. If I don't put that first I won't be able to accomplish anything anyway

Finances - working, balance checkbook, pay bills, etc
Why? If I don't have a place to live nothing else matters

Housework/yard work....
why? Because i feel more centered in a clean environment. But this is a like...not a must

Friends /family
Why? Social interactions. But. Dump the dead weight. I can't carry other people's drama

And so on...

When spoons are gone? Read/video game/ meditate/interact with low stress people, come here, do low stress projects, blah blah

Not saying it's easy and it doesn't always work that way. But figuring out why I'm wasting energy to do something helps me decide if it's worth it. And as time goes on and I get better at monitoring my spoons it gets easier and easier to categorize what's important and what's not

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Hmm, so I spoke to a friend about this today and I think we figured out something important:

There's spoon vampires that drain the spoons right out of you...

Things like: worrying, anxiety, being self-critical, hating yourself, blaming yourself, unrealistic expectations...

So they're not "activities" which use up spoons in an obvious way.

They're the background crap that just draiiiiiins them out of you.

So, one part of spoon management for me needs to be identifying and minimising spoon vampires.

 

[Tinyflame]

A lot.
Lies.
Abuse.
Fear.
Pain.
Physical effort.
Worry.
Fear.
Having to wear a mask (literally and figuratively).
Work.
B.S.

 

[Freida]

So, one part of spoon management for me needs to be identifying and minimising spoon vampires.

yep!!!!

 

[Deleted member 47099]

So, I had a big, long, complicated, challening day yesterday... Four appointments in all and errands to run in between plus 4 hours of driving.

I got everything done and it was a successful day, but I feel like I've used up three days' worth of spoons.

But I have more challenging stuff on my to-do list for today, tomorrow, Friday and the weekend.

But I have no spoons left.

Normally, I would borrow spoons and go into spoon debt, and then end up being miserable and having a meltdown.

I'm trying to work out whether I can approach it differently.

But it scares me, because I don't think I'll ever get out of spoon debt, for as long as I live.

Why am I always "doing too much" ?

I'm currently on a spiritual journey (meditation retreat thing) so maybe I should look at it from a spiritual point of view... What is my job here on earth in this lifetime... Is it really to be in spoon debt for the whole course of my life? Are the items on my to do list important in terms of who I am spiritually and what I want to do with my life? Or have I just gotten tangled up in tasks that aren't really mine to deal with? Am I on a wrong course in my life and should I correct it to one that uses up less spoons? Maybe thinking about this more "deeply" will help...