Childhood What Did You Miss Out On Growing Up?

[Deleted member 29920]

Last year my psychologist told me to take a break from therapy because I had remembered being sexually abused in childhood. She told me to go away and feel all the emotions about the abuse, like anger and sadness. But she said I had missed out on all sorts of things growing up. I don't really know what she meant by this, other than being isolated by my abuser and therefore not having many friends. I don't know what other things I missed out on so I wondered what things did you all miss out on whilst growing up because of the abuse you were subjected to? Thanks in advance for replies.

 

[WillyKat]

Feeling safe, that it was OK to show feelings, to feel like an equal to others and not like someone that was always lower, not feeling the need to hide, feeling confident as I got older, feeling like I deserved respect.

Love, healthy relationships with women,

This could go on all day...

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Interesting question, I'd have to say closeness, although my parents didn't hit, they didn't hold either. I was almost ten before I realised that humans were warm to the touch.

 

[Recovery4Me]

Last year my psychologist told me to take a break from therapy because I had remembered being sexually abused in childhood.

I have got to say that this is among, one of the most disturbing sentences that I have ever heard concerning an professional T's opinion. I am so sorry that your T placed 'closure' of your time working together in such a manner. When my abuse was addressed (and with several others that I know) there was an increase in visits to twice a week for additional support.

. I don't know what other things I missed out on so I wonder

As I did not have solid role models, I additionally explored within therapy a direction to acquire a knowledge base. I was directed to several texts and books within Childhood Development and parenting to get an idea of a normal childhood.

http://www.pbs.org/parents/child-development/

Perhaps this will allow you to explore what is considered healthy for children and then draw some conclusions as to what you may wish to do at this time for your inner child.

:hug::hug:

 

[Eternum]

I have to agree with @Recovery4Me. I hope you can find a therapist that is willing to be supportive of this. I do find it wise that, in the meantime, you're working on gathering information by asking these sorts of important questions. Good luck to you on your search.

When I observe young children from healthy families, what I immediately notice they have that I missed out on is freedom to be. Be happy, be sad, be full of questions, be hyper... just be. I missed out on the feeling of just getting to play without a bunch of other things on my mind, or without a looming sense that the fun time will be over soon. When I look back, it feels like an ocean of darkness and grey with little glimmers and sparks of light which were moments of fun. When I talk with healthy children, it's nearly the opposite.

May I bounce that question back at you @Cj77? What would you have wanted in your childhood?

 

[Lionheart]

I missed out on learning what a healthy relationship was.

As much as I hate to say it, *I missed out on getting to choose who I would have my first sexual experience with. *(that makes me feel rather sad. I would have chosen a female who was my own age, someone I loved and found attractive, and not have some sick, perverted man use and abuse me for his own twisted pleasure)!!!

I missed out on learning to feel and express feelings. I missed out on feeling safe, protected, and loved unconditionally. I missed out on feeling lovable, worthy and cared for. I guess these are some of the biggest losses.

 

[falling_wave]

Unconditional love. I'm pretty sure most of my struggles stem from missing out on that.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I missed learning that I am worthy human being and that I deserve to be loved. I missed being understood and accepted. I missed being cared for. I missed being seen and heard.

 

[Mit]

I missed out on having any self confidence and belief that I could be good at anything, or had any potential. I believed I was academically stupid and would never get a good job, because I missed so much school and was told I couldn't take any exams. I missed out on having girl friends because I was terrified to get close to anyone, I thought if they found out about the repeated surgery I had they would make fun of me, or be horrified if they saw what had been done to my genitals. I missed out on believing my adoptive parents cared for me because they supported what the doctors were doing to me and didn't consider I might not be coping.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Here is a list of human needs from NVC (Non Violent Communication):
https://www.cnvc.org/sites/default/files/needs_inventory_0.pdf

 

[jaccat]

The belief that I was a valid and worthwhile human being, the safety and freedom to express myself, the understanding that not all the world was a bad place, the freedom to be a child...

 

[Deleted member 29961]

So many good answers, and I am probably going to say more of the same;
I missed being a child, not having to deal with adult issues and adult emotions. To not have to live under the oppressive weight of having to deal with one's own mortality at such n early age, to have been able to live a care free childhood...