What do body memories feel like?

[sun seeker]

1. Can you actually feel what's going on? (Does it feels like a real person is there though there is clearly not?)

No.

2. Are they mixed with memories or ideas about what's happening?

Sometimes. Other times they come separately.

3. Are they painful?

Not in my case, at least so far. For many people that's the main symptom.

4. Do powerful emotions come with it, or do you find yourself detached and calm?

The former. The emotions are strong and way out of place for what is going on in the present.

5. Does it feel the same as if a real person was there? (meaning if I touched my forehead, I could feel the same type pressure with the body memories or is it weaker/more powerful?)

Not sure what the difference is between this and the first question. Or maybe I don't understand it.

6. How do body memories differ from feeling normal everyday sensations?

*The emotions that go with the sensations.
*The movements that the body is going through have nothing to do with the present.
*There is little voluntary effort involved. The body just does what it needs to do while the mind observes, at least to some degree.
*They may accompany flashbacks.

7. Do body memories come at random, at certain times, when you are fearful or relaxed, at night or during the day?

When something is triggering me or my body is trying to tell my story, as during a flashback.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

:sorry:Stupid question (& I got no problem with sounding completely ignorant!) - how do body memo...

It's not a stupid question. You're just trying to understand. For me it's different in that when I have a typical flashback it's more like being back in the moment and feeling what I felt in that moment. With the body memory I get I'm still in the present and I know it. Although I'm feeling the physical sensations and I'm emotionally distressed.

 

[joeylittle]

And, admin, why don't we have kissy icons?

We do! :inlove: (Or I think that one is kissy. In a subtle way. :lurking:)

 

[Chava]

Body memories are pretty super implicit (lower brain, like brain stem, usually not conscious at all). So mine are not connected to obvious stories or memories or pictures. I am learning what some triggers are and how the body memories also connect themselves to feelings which create meltdowns. The meltdowns seem really out-of-sync with current reality. But as I understand the body memories a little better, and also the feelings, then it makes more sense and I also go down to that level to find a safe way out.

Example: an early body memory that I can't even describe normally in words, but involves feeling submerged in a shallow pool of water. I'm weighted down or just immobile. But if I move a bit, or even breathe too deep, I might die (this scenario never happened that I know of, btw, but I had a lot of early breathing trauma...this is just how it feels). In current reality, this is a feeling of deep immobilization and dread. It's triggered by things like being sick or in pain. I feel really disproportionately powerless and helpless and immobilized. I can't force myself to get up and go for a walk. But some things, like certain sounds or kinds of music, help soothe me so that deeper level of body memory settles and I can reorganize internally. Then I get up and do something to re-remind myself that I am mobile and okay.

Other body memories are pretty specific but I don't have images to go along with them, so I think they are things that happened when I was unconscious.

At the really implicit body level, feeling safe and contained, yet not trapped, helps even when I don't understand what is going on. I've taped up my arms without understanding what was happening...but it helped, so whatever. Beats slicing them up!

 

[Sideways]

@BlackbirdSinging - please try and bear with me...so, you're saying that the difference between a tactile flashback and a body memory is how connected (or disconnected) you become from the present, as both are accompanied by emotional distress...??:tdown:

I'm really not trying to be difficult, it's just the distinction seems hard to really nail down.

If I'm lying in bed, and I know that's where I am, but I can feel him stroking my arm & I feel terror (enough to not want to open my eyes), there's a little rational voice at the back of my brain telling me, "You know he's not really there, you're alone in your apartment having a flashback like you've had before". The rational voice comes mostly from years of experience with flashbacks, but I can't open my eyes because I actually do helieve that he really is here & it's happening again...

Tactile flashback or body memory?

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

@BlackbirdSinging - please try and bear with me...so, you're saying that the difference between a tactile flashback and a body memory is how connected (or disconnected) you become from the present, as both are accompanied by emotional distress...??:tdown:

Think of it like this if I was to get pinched I would feel the fingers and the pain of the pinch. The way the body memory I get works is I wouldn't feel the actual fingers pinching me but I would feel the pain of being pinched and I would have the same emotional reaction I had when I initially got pinched. I would know I'm in the present moment and I wouldn't just be remembering the experience.

Tactile flashback or body memory?

That sounds like it could be a body memory that's triggering for you. I'm not a professional though and I can't say for sure. Unfortunately it's not always clear and easy to explain.

 

[oasis2003]

My body memories hurt it is like having surgery again I did not know it was a flash back until my therapist said that the pain was a flash back. I supressed the pain but it is sure coming back to haunt me now . I also feel like I am being choked . Intense emotions come with them . It can happen any time day or night not necessarily if I am scared.

 

[Omi007]

It's not a stupid question. You're just trying to understand. For me it's different in that whe...

I have experienced the physical pain of body memory several times in my life. I'm fact, I'm going through a very rough situation right now that has caused this pain to reoccur. I had a very traumatic childhood, the trauma continued until I was about 20 years old and have been diagnosed with PTSD. For me, the pain occurs in my abdomen, center left in my sternum area and affects an area about the size of a large orange. It is painful to the touch and very annoying! Sometimes it intensifies, especially when direct thoughts of an incident occur. I had never heard of body memory until I explained what I was feeling to my therapist. We will begin working on coping techniques on my visit next week.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I've only had one clear-cut body memory.

About an hour after brushing my teeth, my toothpaste - same one I always use and like - suddenly tasted to me like semen, and I wanted to vomit.

Ben

 

[Megyn]

I've only had one clear-cut body memory.

About an hour after brushing my teeth, my toothpaste -...

God, that's awful Ben :/ but I know what you mean...

Sometimes I'll get a "taste" (but it's not, it's half feeling/half taste) in the back of my throat that I used to get as a kid before I would throw up.

One time I was driving home after therapy and it felt like someone stuck a needle in my bicep. I jumped and turned to look to my left to see who was there, instinctively, but of course, there was only the car door.

I also describe in another thread walking to my garage on a warm spring morning and momentarily felt like I was naked from the waist down and felt freezing cold air on the skin on my backside and legs.

I also get this weird feeling in my legs. I can't put my finger on how it feels. It feels like nothing I know now, but it feels "bad" and unnatural and sparks anxiety in me.

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

... and momentarily felt like I was naked from the waist down....

OH, I experienced that once too! Forgot about it until I read your post.

Ben

 

[Paula Cramer]

I am in recovery program for childhood trauma. PTSD is a new concept for me. I am finding that I have many body memories each day. Mine are in the form of stomach pangs, burning skin and esp muscles, rapid heart rate, redness is face and neck, black out or Lisa of peripheral vision, and adrenaline surges difficulty breathing and heaviness or tightness of chest. Heavy sadness and fear tend to accompany these sensations. I almost NEVER notice what triggered them.
Hopeful to heal!