Sexual Assault What Do I Call This? Raped at 16 by boyfriend.

[shykittenxoxo]

I was assaulted both physically and sexually by my ex-boyfriend. It started when I was 16 and he was 19, and went on for almost 3 years. He forced sex on me a lot, but there were two "big rapes" that happened: one where I was unconscious (blacked out after drinking) and woke up to him having sex with me, and another time he raped me anally while I was intoxicated.

I believe I was either 16 or 17 when this happened. I'm not entirely sure, but the age of consent in my state was and still is 17. I don't know if what happened counts as CSA since I was not a child, but I definitely wasn't an adult yet. Do I just call this sexual assault? What is the cut off age for considering it CSA?

Side note: not sure if it matters, but in therapy I'm also exploring the possibility of being molested when I was much younger. There are body memories, but no memory in my head. I don't know if the body memories are from my ex-boyfriend hurting me or something else. It feels like someone is touching me down there.

Also, the reason I am asking what to call this, is because I struggle with feeling like I was old enough to know better, say no, and put a stop to these situations. But I was still very much more like a child than an adult, I had never had a job or driver's license, still depended on my parents to care for me, watched children's cartoons, etc. but I was already sexually active and doing drugs. I don't know what to think.

 

[hithere]

i don't know what you would "call" that either--but I don't think you need to call it anything. You were used, abused, and raped. There are many reasons why you felt you couldn't stick up for yourself. I know the need to feel validated--the truth is you did not have power or control.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t think there are hard and fast boundaries of exactly what defines CSA, but I think I’m your case it was abuse within a partnership relationship which is not what is typically thought of as CSA.

Feeling like an adult doesn’t start on ones 18th birthday....what I’m trying to say is that feeling childlike doesn’t necessarily mean it’s CSA. Sorry if this isn’t clear. You may have been the age of consent, but childlike in mentality and behavior due to previous abuse. If that makes sense!

 

[Friday]

What is the cut off age for considering it CSA?

Legally, that answer will be different in every country. As well as often different in different states/provinces within those countries.

Practically speaking, you’ll probably find more points of similarity / ways to help you up, out, & through in DV, as you were in a romantic relationship with a peer.

But I was still very much more like a child than an adult, I had never had a job or driver's license, still depended on my parents to care for me, watched children's cartoons, etc. but I was already sexually active and doing drugs. I don't know what to think.

Raping the most sheltered 25yo is still raping an adult.
Raping the savviest 10yo is still raping a child.

Teenage years? Get murky. Because they are the transition between childhood and adulthood. Regardless of what happens during them, it’s a time of profound transitions. Which means a lot of back and forth. By definition.