What do you do to cheer yourself up?

[Changing4Best]

Sometimes in life, we hit a tough time. You know? Someone dies, or someone chooses to get mad at you and talk a bunch of dirt behind your back, or you lose something of value or "everything just seems to be going wrong!" You hit a rut. And things seem hopeless, like they will never get better again. I bet we have all been there before, and will probably go there again sometimes, unfortunately.

So what do you do to get yourself out of such a rut? What do you do to cheer yourself up, "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" or just rebound? Are there any tools that you use? Do you turn to a friend? Do you research and buy a book? Or do you just suffer on through it as best as you can, avoiding people and isolating? (That last is something I would like to do, but I have a job and can't)!

ANY suggestions are more than welcome!

 

[Ronin]

Music.

If I can, dancing & movement & martial arts.
When I could, drive.
Prayer, incorporated to music.
Arts all around.
Whine & rant about it. Because gawdamnit, good enough to complain? Means I'm fine, suck it up buttercup, you're alright enough to complain, when you're bad off you're completely Fiiine, no trouble ever, everything's hazy and helping is not needed. If there's help needed... I'm good enough to know needs.

 

[hodge]

Sometimes I isolate, but I also try to really take a hard look at my life and what I have and appreciate what I have. A nice house, enough food, friends, borrowing my friend's dog, who is a wonderful therapy dog. We're actually doing Gunner care for the next few days for her. Just got him. He's a sweet yellow lab cuddlebug. Lying next to me right now. I totally recommend getting a dog. Rescue dogs are the best.

 

[Changing4Best]

@hodge I WISH I could have a dog, but a las, I cannot afford the vet bills. I do have a guinea pig though, and a fish tank. My little "Angel" bit me this week, as he does sometimes, when I try to remove some wilted veggies from his cage. Just another thing that went wrong this week, along with seemingly everything else! He takes a "swipe" at me about once a month or so, it seems. There is just something about my taking his spoiled veggies away that bothers him, but I have yet to figure out what it is, especially since I have just given him some fresh ones before removing the old ones. He does not do this often, so I guess like everyone else, he has his "moods." Like that old saying, "like Mommy, like son." I guess. You know, like when dogs are like their owners. I get moody, so why shouldn't he? It is just that his moods are a bit more caustic than mine! Mine usually more often hit the grief, apathy and SI kind of thing than anger. If I do get angry, I express it usually quite calmly and very rarely with any high volume. Only once in the last 2-3 years did I raise my voice, which I think would be akin to his biting in some way.

I used to have a PTSD Service Dog, so I do know how much they are a benefit. However, she got incontinence, and I had to part company with her, as I live in an apartment. To lose a therapy dog that is that close to one is something I don't think I could ever go through again. It is just such an awful thing. I still miss her, very much, of course. She even went to church with me.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Ronin Prayer is something that I have had problems doing lately. I do pray, don't get me wrong, but somehow my problems have so overwhelmed me, that focusing on God and asking for anything at all has been very difficult. Putting prayers to music is something I have never thought of before. How do you do that? I am just curious. I am not overly fond of singing, cannot read music for instance, so it would have to be something really simple. I've been so upset, in fact, that even listening to music has been too much for me. Silence has seemingly been my friend these last many weeks during this crisis. But maybe that really has not been the best thing for me, I do not know....

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I try to remember that seeking comfort externally means it can always be taken away or made unavailable and out of reach, yet again, as it has so often in the past, which then prompts me to dive even deeper within my own self to start focusing on root work again. Without a clear understanding of the roots of each feeling, I'm just blindly aiming for relief, anyway, meaning it will always be temporary and likely not nearly as effective as I'd built up my hopes for it to be.

Seeking external means of relief through buying something to supposedly help ease my pain in the moment was another lesson within itself, as I wasn't always that great at knowing when to stop, nor wisely budgeting said things, nor recognizing that the momentary feeling of relief was very short-lived and the feelings I'd been trying to drown/avoid/ignore were still very much there, along with the additional consequences of the choices I had just made. What an expensive pisser of a realization that turned out to be.

Solitude is still my greatest friend when it comes to sorting out myself and my feelings. Once in a while I'll find conversation with a rare gem of a soul who physically crosses my path. Priceless, indeed. Nature, peaceful surroundings, allowing myself to actually feel all the feelings instead of trying like hell to escape them, being surrounded by so much growth in nature to remind me of my own, smudging self and my spaces with sage sticks, deep breathing often to oxygenate my cells, fun movement to keep the lymph flowing and the body less achy, learning more about the actual functions of my body and how I'm in control of a lot more than I ever realized, music that elevates my spirit enough to keep me dancing and singing at the top of my lungs, food and drink that healthily nourishes instead of breaking things down even more, occasional talk therapy and support group visits, helping another within my abilities--only if the help is wanted, creating something that I feel is beautiful, social engagements that are inviting to my senses, and kind gentle rapport with self throughout each day are all things that help me tap into cheer and joy.

 

[hodge]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog, @SheilaKathy. We lost our dog in 2009 and still have not had the guts to adopt another one. We've rescued a few cats since then, but a dog who needs rescuing has not crossed our path yet. My Misha become incontinent at the end. I felt so bad for her, but we have our own house, so it was okay. It took awhile to get the smell out of the rug, but it did go.

Just another thought about prayer . . . I don't know if this will help you, but I pray for everyone else before I pray for me. And honestly, there is nothing wrong with praying for yourself. God is love. And He/She is certainly holding you in their arms even if you're not aware of it. :hug:

 

[Changing4Best]

@hodge, yes, the smell is no longer in my rugs now either, though it did take awhile to dissipate too.

I did just recall something from my long ago past that recent events have stirred up. I think, maybe seeing that, helps to relieve some of the current emotional pain. It was a rejection, and I have dealt with a rejection recently too. The two are quite different in nature, in content, but there is something about rejection that clings to other rejections just in and of itself. Rejection is a chain of events in life that just piles up and at some point makes you think you are unlovable and awful, and yet, in actual fact, when I look at those who have rejected me, it is really something about them that has been repulsive and unacceptable, not the reverse. I can clearly see where the rejections I received were unfair, biased, and uncalled for. Yet, at the time I could not see that. I did not have all the data then that I have now, to make an informed decision.

I was an artist. I belonged to an artists' group. One day I mentioned that I did not like Picasso. Well! You would think I had committed a mortal sin or something!!! I was expelled from the group. I never was even given an opportunity to explain WHY I did not like Picasso's work. You see, I had seen an exhibit of his paintings he had done that cut women's faces to pieces. He had, had some bad experiences with some lovers, and he had done this series of works that sliced their faces into pieces. It had been on display at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC, but I am quite sure none of the group's members had ever seen it. And I took exception to this exhibit, as would any PTSDer, I think.

Later, they readmitted me into the group, but not until after a lot of heartache that I had suffered. And 2 of the group's members never really made peace with me either. Only one person from the group remained any kind of friend. I have since lost touch with her, after 2 moves, but I don't feel it is any kind of loss really. Life goes on....

 

[Changing4Best]

I try to remember that seeking comfort externally means it can always be taken away or...

Yes, I am well aware of using shopping as a means of busting one's budget to pieces, cluttering up one's home with later unwanted "stuff" and in general getting little relief from buying things. Other than books that offer some kind of advice from experts in the field, like the one I bought this week called BULLYING AMONG OLDER ADULTS by Robin P. Bonifas Ph.D M.S.W. I shy away from shopping as any kind of "therapy." Even so, just reading about all the bullying that is described in the book has in some ways gotten deeply into the raw emotions on the subject that I have felt all my life and stirred me up even more than I already am about being bullied in life, which has occurred as recently as yesterday and has been ongoing in one form or another for over a month now. So maybe buying the book was not even a good idea, I have yet to know.

It did move me to complain to my boss about the situation, not only on my behalf, but on the behalf of others who are being bullied as well. We shall see if anything comes of it. She promised to get someone from Social Services to come and give us a lecture about bullying sometime soon, but I don't know if she will really follow through or not. She is very busy and who knows if Social Services will even be willing?

Again, I see your point. I am seeking outside intervention. Whether it will have any lasting positive affect is questionable, even if S.S. does come and give us all a lecture on bullying. Bullies, especially in later life, have probably gotten so used to being that way, that there may be nothing that can deter them. I don't know. Only time will tell....

 

[hodge]

Gah, I wouldn't have liked that series by Picasso, either! Even if someone is otherwise a great artist, we do not have to like all their work, especially ones that are so hateful, as you describe.

 

[hodge]

I've done some ugly paintings, too, but I would never display them. To me, they were therapy.

Is it possible he was dead by the time of that exhibit and others choose to display those paintings? If so, we can't really blame him.

 

[Changing4Best]

Good question, @hodge, I think he was probably very old at the time, if not dead already. I think the works were painted around the year 1960. I'd have to think about what year that time in my life was and what year he died. Research! BRB...