What Do You Do To Maintain Sobriety?

[illusionist]

I have learned over the years that drinking when my symptoms are bad, or feel that they are heading that way sends me into a pit of self pity. It totally screws up any work I've been doing on myself.....I absolutely hated myself for it. I'd sit in my pit, do nothing to work my way out of things.....steeped in ' poor me'....how I hated it, yet I didn't want to get out of it when I was in there. Recovery of my bad episodes took far longer, and when I did come out, I was in a bad physical state.

Now I have a drink when I feel I want one, not when I feel I need one. When I get that urgent feeling of needing a drink I stay well clear as I know the consequences. It can be hard, but it's easier than being in the pit.

 

[Rumors]

Keep in mind it isn't the alcohol that you want, it is the numbing. Rather than focusing on not drinking, why don't you focus on why you are numbing? "I don't want to feel this way because...." then go from there.
I stay away from alcohol. My dads parents were alcoholics, my dad is, my brother is... I don't need any more issues!!! I get the need for numbing. I want to do it everyday, but pharmaceuticals are temporary band aids unfortunately because when you sober up you usually feel guilty for using alcohol to numb on top of the original reason why you drank! It is a real cycle that is ugly and destructive.
Hang in there!!!!

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I agree with what pretty much everyone is saying here. It's not drinking I want, it's numbing. Full-fledged numbing. I can get it with Xanax or Ativan, or I can drink, or I can self-injure, or I can excersize myself into I-might-have-a-heart-attack-oblivion. The key isn't any of the behaviors, but the inability to tolerate feelings.

This is where psychotherapy comes in, atleast for me ....

 

[Chava]

The key isn't any of the behaviors, but the inability to tolerate feelings.

Very true (NUMB ME OUT FASTER). I could switch weekly between these things at times. My problem with drinking is that once I start I totally lose control. I drink liters of vodka in blackouts and wake up in the ER. Most people don't have that problem because they past out or at least throw up at some point. I unwittingly poison myself. So I had to quit (and do more of all the other harmful stuff). Not sure where the OP is with her need/desire to quit, but it's a juggling act nonetheless because it's hard to just pull out of numbness. It is important to have either lots of support and/or back-up coping, even if imperfect (like candy and cigarettes and switching to mania...well, not really, but it's better than death).

 

[Neverthesame]

For me quitting drinking wasn't really that hard to do. I hit a point where I just didn't want it anymore, not sure why. I had a hundred other reasons to quit before that day. Just wasn't ready I suppose.

A year or so before I quit drinking, I had reached my worst point with it. Went on a bender that lasted about 2 weeks I think (memory is kind of fuzzy). I drank until I passed out, woke up, repeat. One day I woke up, and just felt so sick I couldn't bear to drink anymore. This was the beginning of alcohol withdrawals. This lasted about a week, I have never been so sick in all my life. Though this was not enough for me to call it quits. I did cut back quite a bit after that.

I don't really have an answer to your question, I'd tell you if I did. I suppose when it becomes something that you really want to do, you will.

What Anthony had said about drinking in moderation is pretty amazing really. That is something most people can't do. I don't think I could. Once I get one in me, it's all I want until I can't stand anymore.

As for other substances, marijuana makes me extremely anxious and paranoid. No fun for me. That and it would be illigal. Staying out of prison is always a good lifestyle choice. :angelic:

 

[Go Hungry]

I have to go with the zero-tolerance route. The truth is that I don't want a glass of wine, or a beer (well, I do... but) What I really want is the world's biggest bottle of black rum (Kraken or Sailor Jerry, preferably.) Not really so much a bottle, more of a vat.. or a cask. That is the type of drinker that I am. I couldn't do moderation if I tried. It's nothing or all, for me at least.

Actually quitting though... it was easy as pie. I just got really -really- angry, poured out my booze, and never touched it since. I went to AA for a while, and hearing the horror stories from people; about blowing hobos under highway bridges in return for a beer... I didn't want any part of that. And I could feel myself changing.. I was acting in ways that were completely contrary to myself. I was turning meaner, and the thing that stands out most to me is when I thought about taking a shotgun to a stray cat. If you knew me, you'd know how utterly blasphemous that is.

The cause for it was that I was really hung up on my college days... I lived in a saudade because I had nothing to make me happy in the current days. And I just wanted to be 22 again, getting blasted with girls and swimming naked under the moon. I thought that rum could bring that back somehow, or at least help me to remember, maybe experience some of the old glories... And strangely, once I quit drinking, I started being able to let go of that yearning. It still jumps up at me occasionally, it's not easy... but I am letting go. I'm starting to realize (again) that the past is a myth, it's not real... Today is the only thing I have to work with, so I might as well devote my time to it. But it's not easy...

 

[Go Hungry]

Yikes.. I forgot what I was originally going to post about in new thread.. but this is a good one so I'll not detract from it. The thing that struck me in my readings about trying to deal with my current addictions, Cigarettes and Diet Soda (don't laugh); is that there is always a root to it. Some event, belief or perception that led you into it, that still serves as the base for it. I think I may have hit upon something...

The soda thing is that I'm always thirsty.. and I mean always. I thought this was a reaction to a borderline heat stroke that I had when I was 12, but I've read that it can also be a symptom of PTSD and the endocrine system (which PTSD has a massive effect on.) I simply cannot stop being thirsty under normal circumstances.. I drink in excess of 2 gallons a day. And I think the reason it's soda is just because it's so tasty. I know it may seem lame, and even harmless.. but the thing is that $2 sodas add up quickly, especially when you're drinking 4+ a day. I've had some success in dealing with it in the past... even went a month without, last November.. But I keep going back to it. And I feel like utter crap when I haven't had any in a while. So there's that.

The other thing that I'm addicted to is cigarettes.. and here is where it gets interesting. I started smoking when I was 23, and knew much better than to engage in such a horrible thing. I knew all the warnings, the stats on how dangerous it was, how addictive it was... But I was in a major depression and thought I was dying. So I figured, what could it hurt to smoke when you're planning on wasting yourself at the end of the summer? Biggest, most lasting mistake of my life.

But the thing is.. I remember years earlier, during times of stress.. I would fake smoking with my fingers. I clearly remember a day when I was walking across campus and miming the action of smoking with empty hands. I even brought that up to some smokers, and they told me to "fight that urge." And it made me wonder about why I was doing that.. Where did I get that odd habit from?

I think it was my father. I grew up around a lot of smokers, but he was the biggest one. There was always a cigarette in his hand, all the time. I wonder if I wasn't picking up traces amounts of nicotine through second-hand smoke and developing a subtle desire for it. I know for certain that I loved the smell of tobacco. I need to explore this further.

So I'd like to pose another question for this thread. If you can think of it, what is the root of your addictions?

 

[edgarbedger]

I've been numbing my self with weed for the past several years but didn't even know it was numbing me because I had started smoking before my trauma. Recently I started thinking to myself; am I going to live the rest of my life smoking weed, spending most of my money on it, and not advancing in life? I smoke with well known aquintances\friends, I call them this because they're the type who are cool to talk to and got your back when you go out but they get quite\akward if I talk about the struggle I go through. So whenever I started smoking recently I got super paranoid and my voice started shaking when I talked so I would just be quiet mostly(I could smoke by myself and not get paranoid though). Started making me hate smoking, so I quit smoking after 420. I smoked on two occasions after but took like 2 hits and got similar reactions two when I used to smoke multiple blunts. I don't like it anymore. When I stopped smoking my anxiety/hypervigelance went wayyy up but its calming down a bit. Now I try to meditate 22 mins a day, drink passionflower tea, exercise intense running 4 times a week, I try to eat healthy now too because it affects your mood. But im getting on meds pretty soon and I cant wait. I only drank when I went to parties or clubs to become more easy going and social, but I realized that I needed
to go easy on my drinking now because after going to a club I woke up in a bank of america parking lot couple weeks ago. I think I cant really hang with alcohol anymore; two beers will probably be a cool amount. I think your better off not starting now. Imo prescribed meds are better than alcohol or drugs because while they both numb you, alcohol gives you more depression and weed gets you paranoid or anxious in certain situations plus cost more then pre meds if you don't have medical.

 

[rainy_daze]

Thank you all for the replies. They have been very helpful and I appreciate the time, effort and honesty it took to reply. Huge congratulations to everyone for seeking help and/or getting to a stable place where you are either not consuming substances or are able to use in moderation :tup:. You're an inspiring bunch :hug:.

Will it help you if you acknowledge that alcohol and cannabis are also both drugs?

It's funny this section is Medications & Substances, because I think it's all the same, just varying degrees of "drug", and different levels of social acceptability. I do acknowledge this joeylittle. I haven't been on any medications (anti-depressants or sleeping tablets) for about 6 years. I think I'm better off without them, but this might be why I find self medicating a difficult habit to break if my PTSD or the depression flares up.

I'm glad for you that you found a medication that has helped you.

There are lots of websites that list alternative activities to drinking

Great point ghotiff, I've written this on my to do list. I've just remembered many years ago when I stopped physically self harming, that there was a website I found that listed 100 things to do instead of self harm. I think it's time to make my own list :rolleyes: I have my list of things to comfort me, but maybe I need more distraction and ways to self soothe or relax.

is it a matter of craving alcohol? Or just numbing feelings?

It's the unbearable feelings Kismet. I realise I want(ed) to stop them, to escape reality and feel something better than what I was feeling. I guess that is probably the route of many people with addictions? I surprised myself that I wanted a drink. I have a whole bottle of Jack Daniels in my hous that has been there for almost a year, and I've not touched it. I could have, but I wrote this thread instead.

I was only drinking to black out the trauma

I don't turn to substances because they only makes things worse, physically,mentally and spiritually even when a person doesn't realize it.

I would agree with both of these imok ^. I haven't had a self-medicating relapse in almost a year. Last summer my stress cup was too full, and I started feeling the need to take my painkillers to get through the day, and then I was drinking JDs or wine - by myself :eek: - at the weekend, to help me sleep and try to forget.

Thankfully this was short lived, and since then I've drank once on a night out. There have been other times when I've been in the company of other people drinking, but I haven't. This is why I've never considered myself an alcoholic [although I did worry about it being a possibility for a while], because I can go months without it. I think long-term substances did make me worse, but I was completely in denial about it.

I'd think "but I need this to get through today" or "I don't care, I feel shit", and many other excuses along the way.

It really helps to remind yourself how bad things can get.

This is so true Casey. I'm so much better now than I was a decade ago, even 5 years ago. Alcohol blackouts were one of the scariest things. I've told others I know a few stories about it, and they laughed. I didn't think any of it was funny. I needed help and sobriety, but instead I stuck with a crowd of people who encouraged me and thought I was fine. Ugh, I want to stay more present than this.

Not sure where the OP is with her need/desire to quit, but it's a juggling act nonetheless because it's hard to just pull out of numbness. It is important to have either lots of support and/or back-up coping, even if imperfect

I think I have quit already Chava, but now I would like to maintain that. I have one person in my life I can talk to about my self-medicating. I need some more back-up coping. All practical tips for this are appreciated.

 

[rainy_daze]

By quitting I mean not sliding back into using anything just because times are tough. I say drinking a little at Christmas will be fine, because it is a special occasion. I would not be drinking to numb pain, I wouldn't be alone and I would be around family, so I wouldn't want to get steaming drunk. Maybe being able to have a glass of wine with a meal would be nice, although I rarely go out or have money to, so that is a far off possibility.

it's huge. It means I'm managing my symptoms and my stress. It also means I may want to, but don't need to. In either case, it all comes down to making a decision.

The relief from my symptoms

Well said FridayJones. I decided not to drink on a day I really wanted to. You've decided to use in moderation, and know when it is a good time to do so, because you're not in a bad place. Fantastic. I think I'm getting there too.

my new default is to browse the internet mindlessly for hours. Harmless, but makes me feel like a loser

I don't think that makes you a loser. I spend a lot of my entertainment time on the internet. And, why not? It's a magical place :laugh:. There are many horrible people online, but there are also wonderful people. There is great humour, interesting things... ah, I'm not selling it well, but I would give up owning a TV and paying a stupid license fee, before I would give up the internet.

my tactic

I appreciate the tips. *Adds them to list*.

Now I have a drink when I feel I want one, not when I feel I need one. When I get that urgent feeling of needing a drink I stay well clear as I know the consequences. It can be hard, but it's easier than being in the pit.

it is difficult. When I got to that stage, it was like I'd forgotten I've been coping. So it's hardly been smooth sailing trying to cope, but I haven't been using somethign outside myself/putting substances in my body. The urge took me by surprise. I don't know if I felt shame exaclty for wanting to use things, or if it was actually just disappointment, and a sense of... futility, perhaps, that I still struggle to cope when the symptoms overwhelm me again.

It is a real cycle that is ugly and destructive

Keep in mind it isn't the alcohol that you want, it is the numbing. Rather than focusing on not drinking, why don't you focus on why you are numbing?

It's not a cycle I want to get into again. I will definitely use this question in moving forwards and maintaining sober times Rumours. I will also focus more on the ways I can help myself without substances.

Woah, long posts sorry :laugh: lots to reply to, and this is me restraining myself from typing too much :D.

 

[rainy_daze]

The key isn't any of the behaviors, but the inability to tolerate feelings.

I could like that statement over and over.

I suppose when it becomes something that you really want to do, you will.

I used to feel ashamed of using things, like I had to keep it a secret, because otherwise people would judge me or see me differently. But I've started to have a shift in my attitude towards myself and people in my life, and I realise now, if someone doesn't get why I've done things in the past to survive, then that is all on them, not me. Of course I take full responsibility for my life, the situation I'm in etc, but I won't take judgement from people who don't understand how much I struggled for the first two decades of my life. [To clarify further, I respect someone has the right to an opinion, to even judge me, but that doesn't mean I have to take what they say as gospel, and use it to hate myself.]

And when my father (abusive) was finally out of my life [although he did try to keep abusing me through technology - what an asshole] it was only then that I could start to fall apart and try to get back up. [I think I'm getting back up, relapsing, and getting back up again, and each time I get a little bit stronger.]

So, Neverthesame, yes, when it is something I really want to do, I will find a way. And I do really want to stay sober for long periods of time, because I actually live a life when I'm not self-medicating to avoid reality and negative emotions.

Staying out of prison is always a good lifestyle choice

:hilarious: ^.

 

[rainy_daze]

The thing that struck me in my readings about trying to deal with my current addictions, Cigarettes and Diet Soda (don't laugh); is that there is always a root to it. Some event, belief or perception that led you into it, that still serves as the base for it. I think I may have hit upon something...

Oh no GH, I didn't laugh, because I empathise with the nicotine and fizzy juice addiction. I want to quit smoking [I'm at 5 - 7 cigs a day] and I'd love to cut out the unhealthy juice. A friend told me you can get addicted to citric acid that is in "sodas" [that's such an American sounding word, it's cute :laugh:] and fruit juices. I have no idea if that is true or not, but if it is, then it isn't just a sugar craving, it's the citric acid too. Something to think about. I had a phone appointment with the dietician and realised I'd made a lot of changes to my diet, but I still struggle with the fizzy juice. It's a hard one.

I'm interested in the event/bellief/perception idea. I will have a think about that.

what is the root of your addictions?

My initial thought is low self-esteem or self-worth. Then my next thought is grief. Then my next thought is boredom, psychological stress/pain and physical pain.

And now that I've looked at it head on, I would very much like to run away :laugh:/:(.