"what Do You Need From Me?"

[UnicornSightings]

omg I can NEVER answer that question! My T asks me that usually about 10 min from the end of therapy. I say "listen to this yet" if I have more to say or "nothing " or when I'm defensive and it's a hard session I'll say "what are you offering?" but she will never answer that. I have no idea what to say to that. Honestly? I don't technically NEED anything. I don't think anyone needs anything. Like I'm gonna die without it? I can see myself saying "I need water" if I was on fire maybe. Cause I'd think I'd want to survive that lol. But otherwise isn't everything in life just a want? Who is anyone to NEED anything? That's asking a lot, that's asking someone to make YOU the priority then. I never need stuff. I want things a lot of the time in therapy but she can't give that to me (transference stuff).

What do you guys think? What's your take on NEED? I'd love to hear that my thoughts are wrong on this. I'll bring this up with her tomorrow but would love some feedback from people like me.
Thank you!

 

[The Albatross]

It's probably bull shit that you "don't need anything" because for that to be true you wouldn't need therapy. I think I'd take a harder look at why you don't feel inclined or are disconnected to express your own needs.

 

[UnicornSightings]

It's probably bull shit that you "don't need anything" because for that to be true you wouldn't ne...

Oh yeah it's gotta bs, right? But I'd counter that with I don't need therapy. I want it and that's why I go. But I wouldn't fall off the edge of a cliff without it.

I think it's just the way it's stated. Maybe "what do you need from me to feel like this was a productive session?" But again, I don't need anything from HER. I need for myself to figure stuff out. Hmmm

 

[The Albatross]

"I wouldn't fall off a cliff without it" is one hell of a low bar to set for yourself.

 

[UnicornSightings]

"I wouldn't fall off a cliff without it" is one hell of a low bar to set for yourself.

Lol. Yeah. Definitely something her and I should talk about. Thanks for your 2 cents, Albatross! Appreciate it.

 

[The Albatross]

Here's the thing Unicorn... if we were able to figure out this stuff on our own we likely would have done so way before taking on consequences and/or therapy. It's not wrong, having come to awareness, that we're clueless how to navigate these more difficult (than most or even many) adversities that we need an assist.

Why the insistence that you need to figure this out for yourself "now"/in therapy?

 

[Deleted member 41765]

I've been in therapy on and off for a very long time and I feel the question is somewhat unskilled. While we all have needs, we don't, at least I don't, always have an awareness of them. I would probably have a defensive response as well. If it feels safe enough, ask your T why she poses it...

 

[Hope4Now]

I can see myself saying "I need water" if I was on fire maybe.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

It's nice that your T asks that even if it drives you nuts. Mine have never asked that! (Maybe because he and she know I would just say "Nothing. I need nothing."

I have a total phobia of needing anything that I cannot provide for myself, by myself. I do acknowledge that I have needs--I need food, shelter, a bathroom, clothing, etc. I need income to provide for myself what I need. I needed a lot of stuff I didn't get when I was a baby and a kid (love, safe touching, general safety, someone to listen to me, etc.) The fact I didn't get that stuff, from birth on, and that when I asked for things as a kid and teen trouble followed, is probably why what you said totally resonates with me.

NEED??? :wtf::mad::banghead:. Not I?

So where the line between need and want gets drawn, I'm still not sure. I would have said the same thing about therapy as you said...but @Albatross may be right. I'm chewing on that. I do believe that most of the things we (big, general we) consider as "needs" really are "wants." But maybe people use those words interchangably sometimes. And maybe we can take risks asking for what we want. I don't know...the topic is very confusing! Thanks for posting it though--it has given me something to think about beyond the current ugliness in my inner world!

 

[UnicornSightings]

Here's the thing Unicorn... if we were able to figure out this stuff on our own we likely would ha...

I've seen her for 2 years now. She has suggested workbooks and exercises and I haven't done much of it. I don't need her to teach me anything. That pisses me off and makes me feel like I don't already know it (which I don't But I still get upset. The idea that she thinks I don't already know everything... yes. I know how messed up that is). I do SOOOO much on my own. I listen to podcasts and practice stuff from there, write down my thoughts and work on correcting them, I read so many articles and self-help books and I meditate and I put myself continuously outside my comfort zone and work on all of the insecurities that come up a result. I do the work. There's still stuff I dont do. Stuff I don't talk about because I really like her and I want her to like me and think the best of me.

I know the desire to not need comes from not having what I DID need as a kid and growing up like that. Having to provide for myself and still having to give what I needed to my mom. It was better to not need anything since I wouldn't get anything. But I don't even have a clue what anyone would say to that question. She listens to me. That's everything I need and more than I've ever had.

 

[The Albatross]

I would suggest doing your homework. But, hey... go your own way and get what you get.

 

[UnicornSightings]

I've been in therapy on and off for a very long time and I feel the question is somewhat unskilled. W...

Yes I have no idea what she expects me to ask for? And when I ask her that she really won't tell me.

 

[The Albatross]

The correct use of anger... is motivation and adrenaline for change. "Being pissed off" is not meant to "keep" you anywhere... it is to initiate change.