What Do You Think This Means?

[Sandstone]

Another letter today, from Complaints. This one says they are investigating, but will be unable to give me a response till 22nd July at the earliest. That is over a week after the Psychiatrist appt. Left hand, right hand? How can they be enacting the solution if it isn't decided? Can it have anything to do with the fact that they are being inspected by the CQC from the 11th to 22nd July?

 

[Sandstone]

If I was capable of crying, I'd be crying with disappointment. I keep the same Care Co-ordinator. Complaints had said someone would call me today, so I called them at 4:30. They obviously put a rocket under him, as he called ten minutes later, saying " I said I'd update you as soon as I knew anything" But he didn't. He is not trustworthy. He has said he doesn't think he has anything to offer me. when I've phoned in distress he has told me not to talk about it.

I'm to have this assessment by a Psychiatrist and then a Psychologist from the other district, then some unspecified people will make a decision, and then I will be invited in "probably" to formulate a care plan. After they have decided.

I asked if it might happen this year, and he said he would be surprised if they couldn't put something together within 6 months. I pointed out I 'd waited longer before.

 

[Sandstone]

Could someone please say something encouraging or supportive? I'm trying to tell myself that at least something is happening, but I'm arguing back that this could all be an excuse to do nothing longer term. I need them to act.

 

[barefoot]

Things are happening....they are! Slowly, frustratingly, not always very clearly, imperfectly...but things are happening...

I do understand how the prospect of doing another full evaluation probably gives you a sinking feeling and it sounds like you're concerned that they're looking to blame you (re looking for other factors). I am tempted to take this at face value though - that in this complaints process, that has no doubt shone a massive spotlight on the short comings of a system that has let you down, doing a full evaluation feels to me like they are trying to do something properly and thoroughly.

Of course, none of us know how this will all turn out for you (I have everything crossed for you!) and I don't blame you if you feel jaded following your previous experiences. I do think though that there is some hope here...

 

[digger]

Everything crossed for you and that they are 'doing something' actually results in something useful for you.

I don't know what it means, but that they are offering you another psych evaluation does seem promising to me that they are looking more at what they need to focus on for you.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm not saying this just because you asked for encouraging - I honestly believe that every opportunity to see a brand new doctor is an opportunity to have something shift positively in the overall treatment plan.

You have a lot to share at the assessment with the new psych, and it really is an opportunity to forge a new alliance.

I think it could work tremendously in your favor. You also have been through intake before, so you know how to be present in the situation without stressing over what's coming next.

(It took me probably four intakes before I realized that if I wrote out my relevant timeline elements, I could share them and be less stressed)

Sending tons of support and empathy your way. You're really walking through this gauntlet the NHS has thrown your way. That does take strength, and you are demonstrating strength, even though I bet it doesn't really feel like it.

 

[Sandstone]

Thank you for your encourgament @barefoot @digger @joeylittle

I haven't been able to respond to this, or deal with anything much since. I'm so fed up with over-reacting to trivia. It takes days for me to calm down. I think even now I've just stepped away mentally and detached from it. It is hard to articulate this post even now, my mind keeps dodging away.

I had written a list of things that would help and things that I wanted to ask, but now I find I can't tackle that. I am afraid that doing any of it will make me look demanding and over emotional, and will just antagonise them before we start. I think it might be better just to turn up and hope for the best. I have to keep reminding myself that while there have been some dreadful people along the way, there have also been some very good ones, and start with the assumption that each one I encounter will be good.
I may be paranoid to think that these assessments are there solely to disprove with the previous psychologist's assessment that I needed specialist treatment. But is it paranoid or realistic to recognise this is a drastically underfunded organisation, desperate to make any possible savings, that has failed its last inspection and is in special measures because the services it provides were rated as unsafe, not well led, ineffective and unresponsive, although caring
"Inadequate with regard to whether services were safe and well-led,
Requires Improvement with regard to whether services were effective and responsive ...
Its overall rating was Inadequate." http://www.cqc.org.uk/content/chief...lk-and-suffolk-nhs-foundation-trust-should-be

What do you think about this list? Would it make them angry? I was, sort of, planning to try it when I called yesterday to confirm my attendance, but I got a receptionist who didn't seem to know anything about it or about the contact name on my letter.

1. To reduce my anxiety, can I speak to the Psychiatrist beforehand for 5 minutes
2. How many people will be in the room? (Two people doing things to me in a room is a trigger for me)
3. Can I sit where I can see the door and can it be wedged ajar. I do not care about confidentiality, much more about being able to stay physically and mentally in the room.
4. Can my husband attend? But what about the things I am unwilling to speak of in front of him?
5. It is painful and risky for me to rip myself open again and then be left unsupported. I will do it f necessary, but don't the previous assessment contain enough?
6. How long will it be until something is decide, and until something happens?

 

[Suzetig]

I think they are all reasonable questions to ask and they should accommodate your requests re keeping the door open slightly and the number of people in the room. Those things are to be expected in someone trying to cope with significant levels of trauma.

I want to reframe the issue of poor inspection and the trust being in special measures. That means that serious issues were found with they way they provide care and those issues need to be addressed. That means new management focussed on making improvements and clear measurement of progress which can only be a good thing. Rather than cutting services or taking short cuts they may well work to evidence they're improving care.

You've had an awful time and shown so much resilience - you're doing great given the circumstances.

 

[barefoot]

I agree with @Suzetig

They are all reasonable questions - I can't see how/why any of them would make them angry and I would expect them to be able to accommodate them.

The one about your husband attending....I'm sure they would allow this if it was your preference. Can you work out a plan for if you then need to say things that you can't say in front of him? If they are OK about you leaving the door ajar, could he maybe sit outside the room so that you can see him/call him if you need him but so that he won't necessarily be able to hear everything you say?

 

[digger]

Agreed. All perfectly reasonable questions.

About your husband. Agree with him beforehand a word or a sign that you need him to leave the room for you, and agree similar with the psychiatrist for having him brought back in again if/when you need that

 

[Sandstone]

I feel utter panic at the idea of asking. I can't believe it won't cause immense trouble. I expect to be told that if I'm going to make selfish demands like that, then I can just get out and stay away.

 

[Sandstone]

It was a long, confusing process - nearly three hours.
At the end of it, he said he confirmed PTSD, could see why Autism Spectrum had been considered ( no eye contact and striving for precision in what I said.) and why Borderline had been considered ( mainly because of suicide attempts). He rejected autism, but said he would still consider Borderline, despite the testing having been negative. I said I didn't think either applied, and that they were based on how I am now, not how I was all my life. He said he thinks I dissociate, rather than having a Dissociative Disorder.

The most disconcerting bit was that he said I was seriously mentally ill. I'm just surprised by that. I expected, and still find myself thinking, that the response would be that I was making a fuss over nothing and should pull myself together.

I did say I had two aims, reducing avoidance, for which I needed support, and processing the traumas. He seemed amenable to those, but I don't know what will happen, nor does he.

I had hoped that now a day has passed, I'd feel better about it, but I feel defeated and loathsome. I'm more than ever sure that I'm just attention seeking.