What Does Isolating Look Like In Your Relationship?

[saffy]

"Hey, do you need some time to yourself? If so, I'll leave you be for a bit."

Hi HollyB

This has probably been suggested but I think this is a good idea.

For me I like to have time to my self or things can get really over whelming. I need to rest and reflect. This could take an afternoon or it could take a few days when I am quite to be around.

It is nice sometimes when someone else suggests it for a change rather than me thinking that I am a kill joy for having enough or misunderstood when I just want some time. However I think it is important to say you are there for him if he wants to call and you will call in a few days to check in and see how he is. For me it would be a great weight off my shoulders and it shows trust and understanding.

I hope things have got better for you both.

best wishes
Saffy :)

 

[einzelganger]

There are a few different reasons for my wanting to isolate.

One of them, is the fact that my mental and emotional tanks are empty. Emotional tanks are like a car's fuel tank. In life, we move around using mental and emotional energy. At times, those tanks (like a car needs fuel) get drained and I feel like I'm running on fumes. Isolating is a way for me to refuel. It gives time to think or read or zone out in front of the TV.

Another reason is sometimes I just don't fell safe, I'm triggered, physically in pain, panic attacks, emotionally keyed up, stress level over-flowing and isolating allows me to regroup. Giving me time to think and calm down without someone watching and asking a lot of questions that I just can't answer right then and there. My girlfriend will ask me "What is wrong?" A lot of times, I reply "Nothing", which doesn't cut it with her. Honestly, I should say when she asks, "I'm stressed out and having a really hard time right now. I'm thankful that you care but I don't have the energy for a long talk that in the end probably wouldn't help."

It would help me more if instead of asking "What is wrong?", she asked "What is it you need right now?" or "Do what you need to do. I'll still be here for you." Asking "What's wrong?" is sometimes an impossible question to answer. Many times, I don't even know where to begin answering it. Because I don't even know what is wrong.

There are other reasons but I think those two are the main ones.

Take care

 

[saffy]

Ditto einzelganger :)

Saffy :)

 

[phraglern]

My sufferer retreats to her cave in the basement behind a cloud of pot smoke. If I attempt to interact, ask whats wrong etc. I am greated with an angry "Im fine!". Any attempt to probe further will result in the feces hitting the fan.

 

[saffy]

My sufferer retreats to her cave in the basement behind a cloud of pot smoke.

She sounds just like me. ;)

Sometimes I cannot even explain what is wrong, this is why I go off, to try and work it out. Having someone ask what is wrong when I have not worked it out is really frustrating and I too have said, FINE, very sharply. SO please try not to take her reactions personally.

Sometimes I think I just need a hug, no questions, no badgering or telling me it will be fine etc etc. Or to know that they are still there and still love me anyway, i can take my time and be there if I need them. It is just a bit of me time to rest. I can find things either overwhelming or get anxious about irrational things, I have to go off and reflect on this.

It is nice to hear though that it can be hurtful when I do this. I lash out sometimes without thinking or think they are so well adjusted it will not bother them, or they do not care enough for that comment to bother them. if that makes sense.

Best wishes
Saffy :)