What Goes Up Must Come Down?

[Brooke1025]

We had gone over a week without a single fight and then this morning happened. Last night didn't go the greatest but we both tried to put it behind us this morning. But we ended up getting in a huge fight. Over stupid shit as usual. I just feel like when I do something wrong he has no problem telling me but if he does something I can't say a word or else he completely shuts down and then starts doing person attacks against me and starts saying mean shit and then screams and it f*cking scares me. What the f*ck do I do when he loses it like that?

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Do you think he would be willing to go to couples counseling with you? To me, it sounds like he is being triggered. This is how I react when my husband and I argue. Counseling helped us to see that he was triggering me.

 

[Thizette]

I agree with @Mal Content; counseling might be what you need. I find two things are incredibly important in PTSD relationships. The sufferer needs to be aware of their triggers and be able to announce they're being triggered in an appropriate way, and the supporter needs to know the sufferers triggers and remove themselves from a triggered situation without taking it personally.

Example from my life: Man yells, I express fear. Man takes it personally: why are you afraid of me, I wasn't yelling at you and you weren't even in the room? Man is now learning that yelling is never ok and that my fear has nothing to do with him or our relationship, but is just because yelling is a trigger for me.

 

[Brooke1025]

I'll try and talk to him today about maybe a safe word for whenever he feels triggered? We're gonna get a a book on positive communication habits and how to better communicate to each other when something is wrong