What Happens When We Stand Up For Ourselves

[Tinyflame]

Heather-that's exactly what I started to do last year to deal with trigger-management (-except for the tape recorder- good idea, btw), and found it worked amazingly great, too. I think I got so angry when I would "feel emotions" that I didn't know where they were coming from (especially if they were turning a "good moment" into a lousy one) that I swore they weren't going to beat me without a fight.

And I think you are just right, as you are. Wise, funny, logical, direct, kind- that is what I hear. Thank God you are "you".

I think the fact too that we all have different opinions and viewpoints is a good thing. The more "brains" working towards a solution the better, in my mind.

(..And P.S- Just for fun- I always say about myself: "A penny for my thoughts, a dollar for my brain").

Thanks for this thread!

Love Meg :Hug_emoticon:

 

[heather q]

(..And P.S- Just for fun- I always say about myself: "A penny for my thoughts, a dollar for my brain").

Thanks for this thread!

I think you are under-rating your brain, I'd say it's a worth a million--just as good as mine...

This is good, isn't it! :kiss:
Heather

 

[Tinyflame]

Ah Heather, you are so sweet. So together we = 2,000,000 and counting (give or take inflation) :)

-But I can still take some lessons from you..I'm smart enough to know THAT.

Just thought of something funny- this thread is titled "What happens when we stand up for ourselves"- I guess we see how we feel, we learn about ourselves and from others, we take the ideas that we "need" and we heal a little more. :smile::smile::smile:

Sweet dreams and thank you Heather.
:Hug_emoticon: :kiss:

 

[fin]

When the big emotional issue is reduced, which happens if I put it in the back of my mind without working on it, but I remain aware of it, it tends to calm down over a period of about two weeks, then I can write about it, just write and listen as I write, I don't plan what I write, it just comes up and that is what I deal with, I don't really think about it, I just notice what is on my mind.

Thankyou Heather, I am going to go back to your new "list" and try to utilise what I am able to it into my healing also.

Apart from me visiting my trauma site's and having to plan to do that, and also appoinments re treatment or rather lack thereof (which are triggers now in themselves), I plan virtually nothing to an extent now; because I am doing this thing here, I find i have no choice but to simply put one foot step in front of another and take each thing as it comes. Some areas I am finding extremely difficult to comprehend, and others I am curious about, but I am finding that I am changing and it is at such a fundamental level that it is becoming quite frightening.

I am able to process and cope better with triggers to some extent as I have had strategies and while they may not always have been helpful ones, and I like yours I would add here, mine have not always been perhaps positive or even healthy, I know I am able to look outside the box in this regard. And I dont want to negate how I have coped because some and quite a bit has worked well and been postive and has helped me to remain alive so..

I thank that you have shared with me, well all of us; about how you cope with triggers here, I will definitely be trying to apply what I can of your way here to my life. I have already been able to set in place some boundaries for myself in regard to managing triggers better, and I have found recently this is much "easier" -well not the greatest word to describe it because it is not easier; but it is definitely helping me to cope much better with them at last.

I am definitely seeing improvement but also at the same time I am finding parts of my inherent deep core beliefs as they are changing becoming somewhat fractured. This I am finding very frightening and my only concern is that if you are not able to look into some parts of your life that you also will or may find this becoming a problem in the long run. I know you may not be at a place you can cope with doing this at the moment, although I know you have begun, I just want you to know you are not alone here, and any support I can be to your healing I would like to be, I may not always be able to do this, but when I can I hope you know I will.

I hope we can and have both been able to learn from each other; I know I have been able to learn from you, and I am greatly encouraged by your friendship in taking the time to show me how you cope in this area. It is not lost on me what it takes to put your thoughts and ideas out here, it is for me one of the most difficult and challenging things I have to do, and while I know that none of us have to do this, it helps to know that maybe someone else can learn from the experience's we share here.

I hope you are encouraged in knowing that I respect and am very gratefull for what you have shared. And I look forward to reading more of how you are coping and what you are doing in your walk with PTSD.

It is difficult and can be very lonely to have to keep trying each day, but as I am sure you know it is also very do-able and just in knowing someone else can manage some part of the symptoms of this "thing" helps the rest of us to know in some way we can too. It may not always be in the same way, as we are all different but we can manage and cope and we can know that there can be life beyond PTSD.

This is the stuff Heather ... this is the stuff!!

Thankyou again
~fin

 

[fin]

WOW it is soo cute to come out of writing a post and see everyone is all loved up...I feel I missed something here, but it sure is good to see regardless...thankyou guys:Hug_emoticon:

OH and I never plan what I am going to write here or anywhere else either; in case anyone ever thinks I do...I am flying by the seat of my pants here...and its frightening but maybe I am begining to see blue skies at last!!!
:rolleyes:

...although maybe I should be a little less spontaneous and a little more structured? ...I try and hell - that's all I or any of us can do...

~fin

 

[heather q]

This is the stuff Heather ... this is the stuff!!
Thankyou again

Fin, this is great, I like what I'm hearing from you, a thought though, when someone says that something is 'frightening' that puts it in the present tense, words are important for me because I understand that we believe what we say to ourselves, we don't necessarily realize it though.

I need to say also that I hear that it is frightening for you, I acknowledge that it has been very frightening dealing with what you are working on and what you have dealt with in you life.

I am suggesting here that just the words we use loop our thoughts round and round, I had to change the words I used like 'I'm scared' to 'I was scared' or something similar, it puts a little air-gap there and separates some thoughts.

Another word is difficult, I'm actually not finding this difficult any more, I'm enjoying what I'm learning and gaining and communicating, so although it was difficult when I first started it's now changed, give it a shot on the easy stuff and see if it makes a difference for you, my idea was to break into the pattern that I had developed by habit which wasn't very functional, for me it was half the battle, maybe that's over rated too. I am grateful for what you are sharing, this is excellent we are gaining so much, thank you.
:smile: :wink: :smile: :occasion:
Heather

 

[fin]

Fin, this is great, I like what I'm hearing from you, a thought though, when someone says that something is 'frightening' that puts it in the present tense, words are important for me because I understand that we believe what we say to ourselves, we don't necessarily realize it though.

Heather thankyou, I am soo with you on this heather q, I absolutely get where you are coming from there baby, words are so very powerful. And I have also noticed, how in writing about it here you have and are de-escalating it for me and anyone else reading it here...from frightening- to frightened- to scared...and this is a much less powerfull word than the original one I used. You are so right to be doing this, it will also help anyone else that reads this thread after. SooOo cool of you to do that. YaY you girl!!! :wink:

I need to say also that I hear that it is frightening for you, I acknowledge that it has been very frightening dealing with what you are working on and what you have dealt with in you life.

And thank you for this, it is soo easy to forget sometimes that we are all coming with stuff here, and I know you are too babe. So I really thankyou for being so understanding of me and my stuff. Hope you are managing ok and getting there also. :rolleyes:

I am suggesting here that just the words we use loop our thoughts round and round, I had to change the words I used like 'I'm scared' to 'I was scared' or something similar, it puts a little air-gap there and separates some thoughts.

And don't they though, words do just that; very easy to get into one just in the words we use mulling around in our heads, and also in how they are understood and can take on a new life just in doing that. So very difficult in the world today, with so many people hurting and in pain all alone all round us. It is good to know again that here we can support and encourage each other, I really value our friendship H. :kiss:

I like the airgap it does help to distance better and sometimes this is just what we need to do, get a little distance under our belts and maybe hopefully we can begin to see the whole world in a better light. And getting those thoughts managed and wrapped down some can be hard work, but also very rewarding too.

Another word is difficult, I'm actually not finding this difficult any more, I'm enjoying what I'm learning and gaining and communicating, so although it was difficult when I first started it's now changed, give it a shot on the easy stuff and see if it makes a difference for you, my idea was to break into the pattern that I had developed by habit which wasn't very functional, for me it was half the battle, maybe that's over rated too.

I hear you in the difficult bit heather q, it's good to read that it does get easier though the more we try, we can gain a whole lot through understanding and communication hon. It very much encourages me to know that you are finding this easier (LOL yeah maybe the wrong word there I dont know) better anyhow, and better is soOo good!! It encourages me to read that change is and can be progressive here. :smile:

I will absolutlry be breaking some patterns a little at a time, just keep taking those steps eh? Am smiling at your insight and delighted that you are doing good H. I don't know honey, acknowledging that we are in a battle is a good step toward some healing, because we do have to keep fighting on some, and while it can get easier and better, it still requires maintaining for a good thing to continue to grow.

I am grateful for what you are sharing, this is excellent we are gaining so much, thank you.

I am so very gratefull to you Heather q, this is soo the good stuff eh? I will continue to read you, and hopefully gain as much -if not more from you also. This is a good place here -yes? I think so...we can all learn so much together- from each other and knowing we aren't alone is a pretty good place to start from I think. :Hug_emoticon:


your friend and in awe
~fin


Oh, and I got to use loads of the little smiley thingy's...how cool is that huh? am chuckling thankyou...hah!! I tried to use one too many though- bummer -hah!! see below...maybe if it will let me...

 

[fin]

see above in case you're wonderin how come....he he he!!!

:occasion:...am so with you, thankyou heather.

and here...:Hug_emoticon:...Surprised? Can't believe I'm emoticoning like this?:eek: yeah me neither hah !!


have a great day Heather and thanks again :Hug_emoticon:


~fin

("the mighty" hah!!...yeah a little play on words there...you might need to know the song!!)

Stay tuned in "Stirring Lyrics" I may post it for you, its sung by Manfred Mann's Earth Band anyway; and I think it's about Anthony Quinn - but I may be wrong on that, so don't quote me. Bob Dylan the guy that wrote it- has apparently recently been quoted as saying it is a universal nursery rhyme, "ahah" I hear you say. Whatever it is, it's a good song. So hell !! I will be posting to the lyrics thread after all, hope you enjoy it and think of me whenever you hear it...

~your friend

 

[heather q]

Jolly Good Show O'l Girl :smile: three cheers! :occasion: Well Done Fin!
Way to Go Honey! :kiss: Nice Job Fin :thumbs-up Fantastic...

Absolutely Fab... :clap: 'Oops, only five images, I didn't know that either!'

Love,

Heather

 

[fin]

Thankyou Heather again,

For you and/or anyone else reading this thread I would like to add; another way I have found that works and is helping me in respect to triggers amongst other things, is looking and reading my emotional responses regularly. And this can't really be done in my opinion unless we are somewhat reminded and clued up about our emotions. So I have included the link anthony's thread which might help others to remember what some of the feelings we have are;

[DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread700.html[/DLMURL]



I have found that writing down how I my day has gone-in brief and then perhaps how I have felt about each thing that has or has not happened, I am much easier and more able to understand which emotions I am feeling and also slow down escalation of emotions and responses at other times.

And so because of that I would like to encourage anyone else if they do not already do it, perhaps start in the thread here...titled "what are you feeling today? not thinking rather feeling". It does begin to get better with time doing this and somewhat easier to recognise our feelings. Also I feel much more able to "own" my feelings and accept them as valid and ok for me to have, and I think perhaps some of this comes from genuinely being able to recognise them.

I believe that doing this can also help when we come to write our diary's; that through self reporting we are able better to understand emotional responses to things that are happening now and also what did happen in the past. It also helps me to connect better with how I feel now about what has happened to me in the past.

And in looking at how it is I feel NOW rather than taking on how I felt THEN, I am able to give myself that gap, that distance that Heather speaks of in how she is using language. All these things that we do or can do, will help us I believe in making that distance both through genuine emotions and also in time. Because I do feel much less like some trauma's have "just happened" even though I am still having flashbacks they do "feel" much less catastrophic now, and I do know the power of that word, the thing is for years I alost remained so detached from anything that had happened to me, that I was almost cold to it. Not if the same had happened to anyone else but certainly in regards to it happening to me. And then when it all opened up big time, I was overwhelmed and it did become all or nothing, it is good and much better now to know and experience some of this subsiding for me.

I hope that this goes further for this thread and also that this can help someone else reading here. This stuff is do-able, I am begining to see a marked difference in my life and responses to it, both past and present, and hope and believe you can and will also.

~fin

Link to; [DLMURL]http://www.ptsdforum.org/thread6522.html[/DLMURL]

Please try this you may find it helps you also.

So many of the things here while we may not understand at the time, we perhaps have to trust to try ....I found it so hard at first to begin to think about each emotion and was I feeling it or something else? But I have to say it has got better over time for me; in recognising each aspect of myself. It also helps me some with being triggered. And owning our feelings I believe can also help in some way to buiding self esteem and self worth.

I hope that this is able to help somebody else.

~fin