What helps people turn their life around?

[saraemerald]

What helps motivate someone when they are totally down and out or when life throws them something awful? What really helps someone to be inspired once again and have hope? Any replies welcomed. Thanx

And to clarify. I'm talking about what drives someone to love life again after they've perhaps left a belief system that lied to them all their life, only to have to start fresh and new again?

 

[New]

@saraemerald This is a tough one. I will list a few below. I must say I’m still working on these daily.

I would say faith as hard as that seems and may seem for a while. Have faith that things will get better.

Also acceptance and love for yourself. Accept the good and bad days.

Try and find something that gives you joy and purpose. I know this is different for everyone. My sweet shihtzu dog makes me happy.

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. You are not alone. Reach out on here as well.

Sounds like you have been lied to by those you trust. Want to talk about it?

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi @saraemerald...I know what you are asking but I am still working on the answer...have been for a very long time.

I think in general for me, stability in where I lived and how I was going to manage to keep living there were major goals for me. But that's because my own personnel circumstances and trauma left me completely unstable in those areas. So, that has taken many years to sort out.

Next is trust...learning to trust myself and maybe let a few people into my life because I have become a mistruster (I know that's not a real word). Reconnecting with people I think can be trusted. So I am working on that.

Having enough faith in myself so I can plan things I want to do. I am planning to get a dog and train him for my own particular needs and trusting him as he grows...

As for belief systems hmm that is a big one! Pretty much I don't buy into 'belief systems' that much. I know that is probably terribly unhealthy and at the core of your question. Possibly I have finally accepted that I cannot change the past or what has happened no matter how much I want to and gained a slightly more philosophical approach. So acceptance is there...a bit.

Not caring in the dam belief system that was a lie and understanding how I got sucked into it is probably swimming around in my head most days.

Choosing to let go of hatred. I am sick of hating. It's too heavy to lift anymore and I am so tired of carrying it around. Waste of my energy and my time.

Working on forgiving myself for myself because that is actually what forgiveness is all about. Not somebody else.

So I reckon if I manage to get these few things under control at some worthwhile level...I might actually emerge into being a better person and that will bring it's own joy.

But mostly @saraemerald it is a long road and I think I am heading in the right direction one careful step at a time....

Good luck with working it out,

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

It took a medical emergency/big scare that had me facing being cut open to have an organ removed to prompt many drastic changes in my life that have turned things around for the better, as it relates to my overall health and well-being.

Whereas before, I'd been taught to simply seek out help per individual symptom and to actively farm out my body to various "specialists" while ignoring the rest of my being and potential significant root causes, based solely on what insurance companies deemed worthy and acceptable.

I was also taught from birth to just "give it all to god and let him sort it out", but I've never been much on the whole religious scene as that's the same folks who fostered and orchestrated much of my worst abusive experiences.

All the things I was taught to avoid and never entertain as actually being credible or helpful, based on old conditioning and programming via family/schools/religion/multiple professionals/etc., are the exact things that have brought me more relief than I ever realized was possible.

Once I had exhausted the more socially acceptable arenas and discovered those other opportunities, and actually allowed those experiences to happen, and have now experienced sustained relief as a result of all those "off the wall" methods, I was finally able to genuinely feel the feelings that make being in this existence a lot more awe inspiring, entertaining, and doable, most days.

There's no longer any doubt in my mind that we're constantly surrounded by a pretty big toxic shit show that does much more harm than good to most living things, no matter how I try to actively re-frame it or approach things differently.

Not letting myself get stuck in that shitty realization is where the tricky part lies. It's a daily effort that requires minute-by-minute awareness of my energetic exchanges.

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh I forgot one...sorry sense of humour! Laughing at myself and seeing the humour in just ordinary things... I finally started to laugh not so long ago...what a f## relief!! It's not drug or alcohol induced either...but there you go...lol??

 

[Deleted member 541]

I have never longed or tried for happiness or to love life. My goal was simply to have contentment in my life.....

 

[Friday]

Purpose.

Shrug. That’s my experience, anyway.

 

[Ronin]

One doesn't have to 'love' life to stick around for it.

As with everything, decision.

 

[blackemerald1]

@Ronin is so true, trying to love life would be a impossible goal goal for me. I'd set myself up for failure with that one because I would fail & then be sad.
@She Cat I also with you on contentment - contentment would be a wonderful feeling too. I feel like happiness & being passionate about my life as OP was wondering about might be too risky for me. Or be too high a bar to set for myself. But only because my happiness & passion was ripped from my life by trauma & PSTD. So contentment feels reachable & more sustainable.

 

[shimmerz]

A gratitude list. Sometimes I am so bogged down with the horrible that I forget there are things that have actually improved and that I got them to be that way. I used to love life, so I know what it feels like. What I am aiming for. I feel like it is a long way away right now, but there is no question in my mind that that is what I am attempting to attain.

 

[saraemerald]

@saraemerald This is a tough one. I will list a few below. I must say I’m s...

I was born into a high demand group also know as a cult and even though it sucked growing up in it because life was so restrictive in it and we were'nt allowed to be friends with anyone outside the religion. Anyways, I eventually fell for the BS and went all in volunteering, etc. It's traumatizing to leave because you get shunned by all your friends and family and you have to relearn how to live in the world around you that you were taught growing up was an evil world with worldly people all controlled by Satan and you will be persecuted by them. They control your dating life, if you don't meet all the requirements and get caught doing something "wrong" like smoking, or celebrating Christmas or having a friendship with a worldly person, or practicing yoga, (the stupid list goes on and on) you can be disfellowshipped (shunned). Your friends are required to tattle on you if they catch you doing something "wrong". I totally fell for all this BS and basically had to mentally devise a way to mentally cope and be happy while already healing from childabuse and PTSD and believing this is the way to have a relationship with God, etc. Anyways, when I started to have a spiritual crisis and legit internal emotional struggle and sabotaging anything that once made me happy and self destructive behavior I never had before. Now I am just mentally and emotionally reeling from all these crazy feelings and emotions pouring out of me or floating around in my body and making me feel crazy

Hi @saraemerald...I know what you are asking but I am still working on the answ...

Stability is definitely very important. I am realising trying to change your perspective and finding something to believe in helps too.
So you were in a cult too? Or high control/demand group

It took a medical emergency/big scare that had me facing being cut open to have an organ remo...

"Not letting myself get stuck in that shitty realisation." I can totally relate. That's where I am now. Yay! Total shit storm going on in my head. This is what it sounds like. Now that I am out of that cultish religion: Holy crap! Is there a God? How do we solve all the world's problems? Why are we being controlled by people in power? Holy shit, global warming?!! =/ Why is there so much sadness and hatred and manipulation? Where is the love?!! Why are we imperfect? Why do abusers make us feel so bad about ourselves? Why am I scared that I am such a bad person? The list goes on. Yikes! Oh, there's really a loving God out there that lets us endure all this pain and lets the assholes get away hurting people and screwing ppl over?

Oh I forgot one...sorry sense of humour! Laughing at myself and seeing the humour in just o...

A sense of humor is SOOO important! <3

Purpose.

Shrug. That’s my experience, anyway.

Purpose is good

A gratitude list. Sometimes I am so bogged down with the horrible that I forget there are things that...

I used to practice gratitude. I need to practice it again. And learn to "just be".