What I Didn't Expect In Therapy

[Abstract]

I agree with Piratelady. I think speaking about any concerns is essential. I too will be interested in how this works out. Some people would also be fine with seeing a therapist who does not have a lot of experience.

She may even have misunderstood things you have said and think she is on the right track.

If she is not right for you then this will not be like it has been in the past. It sounds as if you were driving blind before. You now know a lot more and can therefore find something that suits you. Knowing what you need is half the battle.

 

[Donna-1]

Yes, she may have misunderstood. Because I have a tendency to tell people what they want to hear, to try to please them. I also try to be diplomatic rather than straightforward. And maybe I need to tell her I am comfortable with silence, because I need time to think before I answer her questions. You know, if you're dissociating it can be very difficult to think under pressure anyway.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Well I went off on a tangent based on my own experiences so I apologize. However, I still think the issue needs to be addressed with your therapist as it seems very condescending in light of the fact that you are at this stage unaware of any alters. I get the feeling that any change in you from session to session is viewed by her as something to do with DID but its not that necessarily. And, I'm still confused as you didn't have any childhood trauma and I thought it was childhood trauma that caused the splitting as you are still forming your sense of self at that point.

 

[Abstract]

to be diplomatic rather than straightforward

I understand that. I hope you sort it out. Good luck.

If I understand correctly with DID there is good chance of one part of you not knowing about trauma.

Had this in my stuff as well. It may or may not help. Link Removed

 

[Donna-1]

Yes, I already printed that out and read it twice, Abstract. Very well written. I'm thinking about giving my T a copy! Ha.

And from what I gather, many with DID (you are correct) do not remember the trauma at first. That's why so many therapists have been accused of "making" memories or encouraging "false" memories. But to me, if you remember something as being totally true, whether it happened or not, it could be traumatizing. But I don't think therapists should encourage anyone to go searching for trauma that is not ready to be exposed.

All I really wanted out of therapy, anyway, was someone to talk to. And psychotherapy is often called "talk therapy" for that reason. It gives the client an opportunity to sit down with someone who will listen and not judge and may offer insight from time to time.

**But in the age of Manged Care** therapists have often only had a few sessions to complete their task. Brief Therapy, as some call it. So they come into the relationship charged up to get to the heart of the matter, sort it out, and find a solution in a few short sessions. With PTSD, we all know that ain't gonna happen. It takes time, energy, effort on each person's part, commitment, conflict resolution, transference and counter transference, trust, and on and on. I think they are trained to take as much time as they need, but then they get into insurance situations that say a person can only have, say, 20 sessions. Then that person comes in with severe PTSD. How can either of them hope to really resolve the problem. They have to sit there and toss around concepts and words, and perhaps suggest educational reading materials outside of therapy, to do yoga, meditation, adjunct activities that may or may not help. I'm fortunate in that I can go as many sessions as I please, for as long as I please. My therapist is not limited in any way except by her own preferences and patience and sense of whether we are making progress. She needs to sit back and let me talk.

 

[anthony]

Multiple personalities is extremely rare, and to be honest, it is a growing issue in the US today with the amount of diagnoses for DID due to the ease of which it can be diagnosed from the DSM IV-TR. I haven't looked at the new one yet in the DSM V, though I will... chances are they did change a lot of it also due to this issue, which PTSD was also suffering over-diagnosis and mis-diagnosis based on skewed criterion creep by people who wanted $$$ as a therapy business model versus those legitimately helping people by providing the most accurate diagnosis, not what they're trying to fit you into.

There are bad therapists in the world, yes. That doesn't mean all therapists are bad. Simply pickup and go see a new one, without telling them any history from the past one. That way, they won't converse with them and obtain biased pre-determined information that therapists often use to form their judgement. Let a new therapist see what they have to determine, then if they both equal DID... get a third independent opinion. If all three come to the same conclusion, chances are you are DID. If it is just the one, chances are that one is being highly unethical.

 

[Donna-1]

Thank you Anthony. I am not an eager convert to the idea of DID. I have been to some seemingly sham sites where the participants eagerly talk about all of their alters and it almost seems like they are having great fun doing so. Believe me, this is not fun or lightly approached. Also, in attempting to cut to the chase, I did not explain my full history here -- neither my personal or diagnostic history. I understand your concern and caution -- it is well-founded. And I have discussed with my therapist that I am not at all sure that is the correct diagnosis, because I have already received a number of diagnoses -- bipolar, schizoaffective (which is not even in the DSM-V I've heard), schizophrenia, major unipolar depression, PTSD, and DID. My psychiatrist thought from the very beginning, 17 yrs ago, that I might have DID. And three therapists (one of whom I saw for 5 years) have felt fairly certain that DID is the correct diagnosis. To me, it is just another label, neither here nor there, something that is not diagnosable by any medical test that I know of. But neither is bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, depression, borderline personality disorder, ADHD, and the list goes on. It is all a guessing game. What is important to me is to improve my quality of life and stay out of the hospital, not to name any "parts" of me, not to prove any diagnosis.

I did not see in the site rules anything banning talk of multiple personalities, but I can understand if you do not want your site overrun by "multiples." But bear in mind, I am trying to get information, not confirmation. And I am looking for a site where I can discuss freely what I have observed in my own history and daily life. My family members, understandably, are not open to discussing anything or even educating themselves about any aspect of mental illness. So my therapist encouraged me to find a forum where I could observe the recovery process of others. To give me hope.

 

[piratelady]

I did not see in the site rules anything banning talk of multiple personalities, but I can understand if you do not want your site overrun by "multiples."

There are no rules stating you cannot discuss DID or multiple personalities. You are welcome to discuss it. :)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Ok, I think it blows my mind that you've seen SO many therapists over the years yet NONE of them have given you a diagnostic test! (Am I missing something here?)

I know next to nothing about DID. However, I was hospitalized with quite a few DID/PTSD individuals. I know that one of the major parts of their treatment was creating a "parts map" to identify parts of their personality so they can move toward integration. (I'm not DID so it wasn't a part of my treatment plan.) I think you fail to see that your therapists are trying to help you, but you reject their help.

I'm not sure why but you seem hell-bent on rejecting labels. A coping mechanism? Labels are and and the same time are not important. If you are DID, how the hell are you going to stay out of the hospital and get better when there are parts of your personality that take over without your knowledge? Simply put, I don't think you are.

17 years is a long time to be in denial. You start out by posting something that pretty much says you're not DID. Then it shifts to you having this suspected diagnosis for 17 years. As long as you're in denial, nobody here can help you.

 

[Donna-1]

Thanks for clearing that up for me.

There are several approaches to move toward wholeness in DID. One, yes, is to create a systems map and work with each ofl the parts to move toward eventual integration. Another approach is to seek general cooperation without necessarily "becoming one." This is usually the goal when someone's life is so chaotic that integration is not of first importance. Stabilization is more important. Safety.

It is difficult to find therapists who are conversant in and experienced in the treatment of dissociative disorders. It is even more difficult to find someone with whom you can develop a trusting therapeutic relationship. That in itself is one of my main problems: trusting anyone. But I have been with the same psychiatrist for 17 years. I was with one therapist for 5 years, until I had achieved some relief and substantial recovery. Then she stopped accepting my insurance and I couldn't afford her anymore. Believe it or not, that happens. Another therapist agreed to work with me, then retired 3 months later. Two different therapists told me I needed to be put in a state hospital for long term care so my family could get on with their lives. I have been hospitalized 18 times, had ECT, and been generally open to anything that would help.

I reject labels because I have had so many, they have ceased to be meaningful. That is also a sign of DID -- having multiple diagnoses, none of which are an exact fit. I have been to a psychologist for testing, but none of the test were specifically for DID. I think most psychiatrists and therapists think they can spot what is wrong without a lot of testing, whether or not that is true. My psychiatrist said he does not want to hear about my personal life, that his job is to prescribe and manage medication after an initial evaluation. All he wants to know is if I am suicidal or hearing voices. Everything else, he has stated, is the job of therapists, counselors, and psychologists. His evaluation consisted of listening to a list of my symptoms and observation over the first few months of treatment.

Are you saying I am denying that I HAVE DID or that I am denying that I DON'T have DID? Like I said, it doesn't matter what "it" is called. I do think I have found a therapist I can talk to. And I intend to keep going back. I told her, this is now or never. My last stand. Some people, like me, I guess, do not receive an instant revelation of what is wrong and what to do about it. We have to go through an extended process of approach, inspection, acceptance, and a few steps forward. Then we are content to live our lives with that additional margin of wellness. Later, we go back for more discovery and improvement. You are right in implying I cannot get help in 4 sessions with ANY therapist. But I am able to evaluate the readiness of the therapist, see whether our working relationship is a good fit, and move on if it isn't. There are a lot of therapists out there who have their own problems and can't keep them out of their clients' way, some who are abusive, some who are so egotistical that all they can see is themselves. It can take a while to find the right one. If you were able to do so the first try, congratulations.

 

[anthony]

I have been to some seemingly sham sites where the participants eagerly talk about all of their alters and it almost seems like they are having great fun doing so.

This is a huge problem, agreed. The internet is making many diagnoses out to be something they're not, and people love to have what is the latest buzz term. PTSD and DID are right up there, along with Autism for the slightest peculiarity a person displays.