What Is Best Way To Deal With Their Wrong Doings?

[anthony]

I think the inherit and real issue of both childhood and sexual abuse is that very little of the offences ever find their way into a court of law. So the scary truth is that you really do have to focus on you and your best interests, distancing yourself as much as possible from abusers. Unless there is evidence or they're caught red handed by someone willing to testify, there is little chance of anything happening.

Oh... unless you're a celebrity or were abused by a celebrity, in which they will literally believe anyone and everyone who comes forward 40 years after the fact... truth or not, and you will get justice based on it being news worthy. If you can get the media involved, then someone will take notice in order for the issue to go away, thus hopefully be resolved for you.

 

[J_trustno1]

@anthony : Yes, you are right. There is no point in asking for justice when you will never be heard. Well, my point wasn't to get them in public or get media involved and yes, I understand where you are coming from. It's just that I want them to confront me but sadly, I am thrown into deep ends of guilt trips and they simply deny whatever they have done. I guess all the people here are right including my previous T that I am fighting a losing battle where there is no mercy or justice.

Thanks @anthony and all the members who took their time to reply on this thread :) :hug:s

 

[anthony]

I think justice systems aren't very just nowadays, because lets face facts... sexual abuse and childhood abuse seem to keep climbing. Maybe they need a period of where they start cutting things off people who are accused of such crimes and do have ample evidence to substantiate the claim, losing all this reasonable doubt crap they get off with, or other technicalities. If they were in the place, have the marks and can't find a legitimate excuse, cut something off and see how they like life with a permanent scar.

Maybe such crimes may nearly disappear overnight??? :eek:

 

[xena21]

@anthony : Yes, you are right. There is no point in asking for justice when you will never be heard. Well, my point wasn't to get them in public or get media involved and yes, I understand where you are coming from. It's just that I want them to confront me but sadly, I am thrown into deep ends of guilt trips and they simply deny whatever they have done. I guess all the people here are right including my previous T that I am fighting a losing battle where there is no mercy or justice.

Thanks @anthony and all the members who took their time to reply on this thread :) :hug:s

There is a point in asking for justice....for yourself. Stil ask for yourself. You are important no matter what anyone else says!

I Followed this thread to this point and was disgusted that people just let everyone off the hook. What is wrong with this world?

I am a Veteran and still believe Veterans deserve special health care, but in the same sense, I also believe people with PTSD deserve special health care and help in dealing with their trauma.

I am disgusted by how people just disregard the lives of the abused. It's so degrading. People are stepped on in this life and used as sexual toys at the whims of predators in every society particularly our own society in the US.

Everybody should be on alert at the way women are used throughout this society. Don't kid yourself. People kid themselves every second. People are hurt every second. Please help them.

 

[anthony]

I Followed this thread to this point and was disgusted that people just let everyone off the hook. What is wrong with this world?

I don't think anyone abused is letting anyone off the hook, as you state... but in fact the legal system today in most countries is especially difficult to seek such justice, and statistically is proven that your more likely to fail than succeed, because you need proof beyond reasonable doubt that the person did the accused crime, before sending them off to jail.

The legal system today is the issue, not the abused by not putting themselves through it when advised such due to lack of evidence. Without the abuser near coming forward and admitting the crime, the chances are statistically minimal. Again though... unless you're famous, which seems to work wonders decades after the fact with no evidence, just he said, she said. If you're famous, you're f*cked. So for the rest of the world, we just get screwed by the legal system unless it can be proved.

I believe the best chances of the legal system getting an abuser is with immediate reporting, so medical and police evidence can be quickly sought and processed, DNA and such. Without it, without trying to get to the abuser when guilt is still possibly surfaced and exploitable... chances are otherwise slim based on prosecution statistics.

Where do you, as the abused, draw the line?

 

[scout86]

There is a point in asking for justice....for yourself.

You can ASK for anything you want. Doesn't mean you're going to get it.

In an entirely different context, I once had a judge tell me "This isn't ABOUT justice, it's about the law!" Not what I wanted to hear, but the truth.

If it's gratifying to put the time and effort into a legal case that hasn't got a prayer of succeeding, go for it, but don't be upset by the outcome. If it's gratifying to demand "justice" from people who can't understand the concept, go for that too. But don't be disappointed when they don't transform into people who are capable of caring. The fact is, if abusers were actually capable of compassion and had a sense of justice, they wouldn't BE abusers. (JMO, I guess)

Where do you, as the abused, draw the line?

Where I draw the line, for myself, is where I'm spending all my time and effort trying to accomplish something that's beyond my ability to accomplish. In the end, I don't think the perpetrators are worth the lead it would take to blow them to H**l. If I can get them off the streets, fine, beyond that, I have better things to do. You can't make a point to someone who is incapable of getting the point. Why beat myself up trying?

 

[Fadeaway]

Like I said, I know I am never going to get justice, but I wouldn't complain if a freak accident was to take place. If a meteor was to fall from the sky and land on them at least I would know they couldn't hurt me or anyone else ever again.

There was a shooting in my abusers neighborhood today, I couldn't help but look and see if he was listed as one of the victims. I guess I am that bitter and angry, it just sucks when society tells you that you aren't supposed to feel that way. I know they say "a life well lived..." but I can't have that because he stole that from me. I don't want much, I can't allow myself that luxury, but what I want isn't a possibility because of him. (the ability to be a mother)

 

[scout86]

@Fadeaway , there's WAY more to being a mother than just biology. I don't think he could rob you of the REALLY important parts.

 

[Fadeaway]

@Fadeaway , there's WAY more to being a mother than just biology. I don't think he could rob you of the REALLY important parts.

I am not sure what you mean. He kidnapped my children, keeping me from being able to see or talk to them and caused me to be infertile so I can't give the man who deserves to be a father a child and we can't afford other options. I hope and pray that when they turn 18...I am feeling sick just typing this.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I had to disconnect from my entire family. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but I had to think about myself and my family and protect them.

For so many years I so wanted justice, but to this day they are the same in la la land and doing the same things.

I understand the need for justice. It is such grief and anguish to go through wanting it so bad.

You will have to do what your heart and instincts tell you to do.

I am concerned for you.

I wish I could tell you when I finally let go of the need for justice but I finally accepted the situation for what it was, impossible.

Forgiveness to me is an ongoing process that takes so many years and I think it is more important to get well than to try to forgive where you are now. Never forget what happened to you. This is a survival skill to be used to protect you.

Obviously you are not being seen or heard by them and their denial of your reality is sickening to me. I am so sad that you are still dealing with them.

Your peace of mind is paramount.

What comes around goes around and real justice may happen some day long from today and you may not even know it but it does have something to do with Karma.

How we treat each other has huge impacts.

My heart goes out to you because I remember how hard I wanted some justice for me and for my family.

I remember how bad I felt and we could be twins.

Now I am not involved in any way and keeping them out of my life. I also understand about the triggers of hearing about them.

You are the healthiest one in your family and survived them the best. Hang onto that thought.

Wanting justice is just a part of your process of healing and recovery. It will eventually go away and you will find that you are in a better place once you disconnect from them.

What they did and do to you is unforgivable.

Acceptance of reality is key and that takes a lot of work and effort and time. I believe that the day will come when you will come to this acceptance.

I also believe that true forgiveness is to let go of the need for revenge.

You are the captain of your life. It gets better, and you will find that time spent away from them will pay you in dividends.

 

[scout86]

@Fadeaway , I'm sorry! I didn't realize you had children with him and he was keeping them from having you in their life. I made the assumption that he was the cause of fertility problems that prevented you from having children.

What I meant was, there are a lot of people in this world who are capable of reproduction but don't have the ability to handle the "mothering" part of being a mother, and that's the important part. I meant that there are a lot of kids out in the world who need a good home and someone who loves them, even though they aren't biologically related. It's sad for both you and your kids that you all don't get to have a relationship. I've known a couple of situations where the kids tracked down the exiled parent when they came of age. I hope that happens for you, but it doesn't really make up for the loss to you, and them, now. Doesn't mean that you don't still have a lot to give though, and I hope you get the chance! Is being a foster parent and option, if adoption isn't?

 

[Fadeaway]

It is ok. I know you didn't realize. Yes, he took my kids from me, and caused my infertility as well.

I can't do foster care. Not only do I have issues with the system and don't trust them to the point of never being able to work with them, I would feel like I was betraying my children by raising someone elses.