Relationship My partner has been isolating himself - what is the best way to ask about it?

[D-sweet]

We are kind of in a new relationship (7months). He has once causally mentioned that he has PTSD. He is currently very stressed and has been disappearing from our relationship for week(s) each time from time to time when he was overwhelmed by demanding workloads. When he reappeared, he would be like nothing happened. i tried to talk every time but still very difficult to get to a point.

I don't want to make PTSD as an excuse for bad behaviors but I am concerned that it could be the reason. What is the best way to get an understanding?

I just wish he could give me some clues (even without telling me what the trauma was) if it's PTSD acting in between.

thanks

 

[freya83]

Thanks for sharing. It’s really helpful. I didn’t mention an important part, I lost my patience at a point recently (cause this wasn’t the first time) and told him I felt disrespected and hurt when he kept ignoring me. I feel bad now to have said something which probably stressed him more and pushed him further away. I don’t know what I should do for remedy.

It's very hard not to take things personal. I have been in similar position and saying similar stuff. I read articles how to be supporting partner for cptsd sufferer and the article said:

1. Be consistent

2. Be predictable

3. Dont take things personal

4. Look after ourselves physically and mentally so we can be support for others.

I found by reading lots of articles regarding cptsd i understand him a little bit better and things he said or did start to make sense.

 

[D-sweet]

Hi everyone, I am back here again seeking support for myself.

I realized there was an unresolved issue in my relationship with my now ex partner and that has actually traumatized me.

I started to experience difficulty in my sleep, wake up with panic, feeling lost in life direction and i have great urge to avoid places and thoughts related to that issue all the time. I am worried that I would end up developing PTSD myself if i don't handle it well. I originally thought it could be secondary ptsd but now i think it could be primary... The ghosting thing is just worsening it.

I really hope i can get some support here and this time I am looking at it as someone being traumatized instead of a supporter.

thanks again in advance, it's always a good supporting group here.

 

[freya83]

Hi everyone, I am back here again seeking support for myself.

I realized there was an unresolved issue in my relationship with my now ex partner and that has actually traumatized me.

I started to experience difficulty in my sleep, wake up with panic, feeling lost in life direction and i have great urge to avoid places and thoughts related to that issue all the time. I am worried that I would end up developing PTSD myself if i don't handle it well. I originally thought it could be secondary ptsd but now i think it could be primary... The ghosting thing is just worsening it.

I really hope i can get some support here and this time I am looking at it as someone being traumatized instead of a supporter.

thanks again in advance, it's always a good supporting group here.

Wish i could help u but i just been through a break up. He said he cant do it anymore with me. I think he hates me now because he asked for space but i poured my heart out. He must have think i am mentally ill and sick of me.

Anyway do you have fear of abandonment issue and insecure attachment style?

 

[D-sweet]

Wish i could help u but i just been through a break up. He said he cant do it anymore with me. I think he hates me now because he asked for space but i poured my heart out. He must have think i am mentally ill and sick of me.

Anyway do you have fear of abandonment issue and insecure attachment style?

I am sorry for what you have been through, its never easy. And yes i do have those fear and insecurity which developed from my childhood.

 

[freya83]

I am sorry for what you have been through, its never easy. And yes i do have those fear and insecurity which developed from my childhood.

Hey thanks.. yeah it's not easy. Break up always hard. What about you and him by the way? Still no contact?

Same like u. I have fear of abandonment issue and insecure attachment due to my childhood. My parents divorced and my dad pretty much abandoned us and my mum had to work abroad to financially support us..

 

[D-sweet]

Hey thanks.. yeah it's not easy. Break up always hard. What about you and him by the way? Still no contact?

Same like u. I have fear of abandonment issue and insecure attachment due to my childhood. My parents divorced and my dad pretty much abandoned us and my mum had to work abroad to financially support us..

still no contact and I've been trying to move on but everything is still haunting me that I wake up with a palpitating heart every morning.

I am sorry for your past, I hope you will find a way to heal too

 

[freya83]

still no contact and I've been trying to move on but everything is still haunting me that I wake up with a palpitating heart every morning.

I am sorry for your past, I hope you will find a way to heal too

I think the reason for us that having childhood abandonment issue is.. when they leave, it makes us questioning our worthiness.. and what did we do wrong.. but sometimes they leave not because we did wrong but because they have too much on their plate or they have issues too.

still no contact and I've been trying to move on but everything is still haunting me that I wake up with a palpitating heart every morning.

I am sorry for your past, I hope you will find a way to heal

Possibly you are having anxiety every morning because of he left you without closure.

I know it's hard but let's take one day at a time and maybe in weeks or months we are healed.

 

[Soleil]

still no contact and I've been trying to move on but everything is still haunting me that I wake up with a palpitating heart every morning.

I'm 4yrs+ no contact now and occasionally it will pop into my head that I "owe my narc parent" an explanation. No I f*cking don't!! He was never a "dad" to me. He was an abuser and the ONLY reason I've even considered it was because of the role of "dutiful daughter." There's no such thing when there's no such parent.

Would I tolerate that abuse in ANY other relationship? No I f*cking wouldn't. Not anymore. Abusers don't deserve my head space or my peace of mind!

Same goes with romantic relationships. There's no role of "dutiful partner" when the other wasn't a partner. Do you see what I mean?

And hang in there. It WILL get easier. I promise. I suggest that you talk to a psych about getting anti-anxiety meds. That will help a lot too. Hugs. You got this! 😊💪🤗💕

but sometimes they leave not because we did wrong but because they have too much on their plate or they have issues too.

Not sometimes, honey. ALWAYS. It's NEVER about the child but ALWAYS because of the parent(s).

I suggest that you watch a season or 2 of Supernanny. That really helped it to sink in for me.

Hth. 😊🤗💕