What *is* Effective For Complex/childhood Ptsd?

[LizardViolet]

Jemini, I am sorry you're having such a tough time.

Some of us are lucky and have families who are supportive. It seems to me that that is far from a majority, though. Plenty of people have family members who harm us, to one degree or another.

I hope there is room in your life for just a little bit of self care. Are there any self care or grounding techniques that have worked for you in the past? Remember, something that didn't work one day might work another time.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Thanks Liz. I am struggling with self care. I'm reading this is sometimes a big thing with attachment disorders -- not being able to do basic things for oneself, while sometimes being otherwise quite high functioning.

I have been reaching out in the last couple months and successfully connecting with some friends, who I'm also able to disclose (a LOT) about what I'm going through. However it's the long (looooong) spaces in between, days and even weeks with little or no human contact, where I'm forced to either ruminate on how and why I'm so alone, or use constant distraction like crappy TV.

What I mean to say (I'm exhausted, didn't sleep last night) is that its a mixed bag. I know some things to do, and do some of them some days, but other days are really hard.

Overall, given that my wife just finally left and I am having a lot of both abandonment "issues" as well as sheer pragmatic overload in terms of everything I need to deal with by myself, I am reasonably taking care of myself. The absolute bottom line is finding ways to connect with people, and the times when I must be alone, I'm trying to simply breathe, tell myself positive hopeful things (even if I don't believe them), and I guess just have compassion for myself.

If I could have a few more people I could *rely* on being available so I knew I wouldn't have to endure a full week here and there with no contact, I'd probably be going hiking by myself. I haven't been able to go without someone else for months because the being alone is too physically overwhelming.

Today: I had lunch with a friend, made a couple important calls towards getting a therapist, took myself to a movie (Gravity is either the *best* or *worst* possible movie for someone with PTSD, but either way it was friggin' phenomenal -- 5 stars), spent a little time in bookstore, got Chipotle (just ate now) for a little healthiness, watched the amazing 50 mph clouds in the early evening, and talked a while to my mother, which was actually grounding. She has been listening to me this year and understanding why I have trauma from my childhood, which (I cannot emphasize enough) is a complete 180 from how she heard any of this for most of my life.

I also am making simple short lists of what to tackle tomorrow, on the fridge. One day at a time...

Also I'm rambling because I slept only 2 hours last night. So tonight I hope to sleep...

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Just to add -- I meant to say around "wife finally left" -- that sounds resentful. She and I tried and tried and ultimately things have been too toxic, so this is the necessary and right decision. We both need to get out of the toxicity and she is recognizing that. And I'm fairly sure (speculating) that she has feelings of being abandoned as much as guilt that she's abandoning me. We care so much about each other and love each other, we just were getting too triggery and our issues are not complementary in ways that allow us to progress at this point.

So while I have some resentments and anger, I'm trying to work that stuff out myself as I don't want to hold on to those feelings and want to have more of the positive feelings and be supportive of my wife in the future. I know she has anger and resentments too, hope she feels similarly. Meanwhile its a painful time for both of us, so self-care is harder now, probably also for both of us.

I'm not sure how coherent I'm being. Main point is, I didn't mean resentment that my wife left. She had to leave, and I had to have her leave, and its really hard. She feels guilty and shamed and blamed for so many things, including leaving, so I want to clarify that wasn't my tone there, just stating factually, we've finally separated.