What Is It With Crowds?

[angel2write]

A common thread among people on here seems to be an anxiety/difficulty being in crowds or around groups of people.

Why is that? Is it because most of us were hurt by people? Or is it just part of PTSD- too many things to keep track of in groups, hypervigilance, etc?

Why does being around people hurt?

What I find happening is that I'll be around people that I feel safe with. People I know. In controlled situations that don't remind me of the traumatic event. And after a while, it still HURTS. I don't necessarily feel scared or anything. It hurts. In my chest. Or I feel like someone has sanded my skin. I need to be alone. And it takes hours to days to make it go away.

Why does this happen? Is it ever going to go away? I can endure social contact again now (as long as it doesn't last too long) but am I ever going to get to the point where I can really enjoy a party?

I've started to think about going back to school and finishing my nursing degree. Maybe getting a job at a retirement home (I don't think I could take the stress of hospital work). But am I going to be able to endure being around people enough to actually hold down a job?

 

[Traumagirl]

You've explained my social anxiety quite accurately. Thank you for putting it in words.

 

[Zef]

Hi angel2write,
From your description it sounds a lot like the way I react in groups of people.

For me, I'm pretty sure it is just the overwhelming amount of information. I am already on edge being around people, my flight/fight response is active and trying to discover threats in an environment where there is a lot of things that it considers as potentially threatening.

One technique that has helped me is to take frequent breaks and every time you first start noticing signs of distress. Going to the rest room for a quick breathing exercise or getting a cup of water, etc. Anything that will allow yourself a break from the pressure. For me, this kind of acts like a reset. . .I get a little energy back and symptoms are reduced.

At some point, though, you may have to leave the situation earlier than you would like. Retraumatizing is not good, so try not to push yourself. If you have a therapist, you may want to discuss this and come up with a plan on how to slowly desensitize yourself to these situations.

Hope something here helps.

 

[Loveneverfails]

I do think it's a lot to do with the hyper-vigilance. It's really hard for me to shut out noise, I tend to pick up conversations I shouldn't because my senses strain to take every detail in. It takes me days at times to recover as well. I'm still struggling with situations that have a connection to my trauma(like church) and end up leaving after only half an hour or so, earlier if someone looks at me.

What I've found helps is to keep forcing myself to face it in doses. Leave if I'm going to have a panic attack, but stay if I only have a mild to moderate amount of anxiety. The more I face it, the less fear and anxiety as time goes on. Also, I make friends with as many people in the crowd as I can manage over time. If it's church, getting to know them one on one in less crowded settings makes the next church meeting less fearful. When it's a party with strangers, I take frequent breaks away from the situation.

I think at work is the hardest, because you can't walk away if it get's to be too much. What I've done is spend my breaks entirely alone. Get lunch and hide in my car or somewhere else I can be completely alone to recover. The drive to and from work tends to be my 'zen' moment where I get the alone time I need to cope.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

What a great thread. I do not know what it is. I feel nervous when I am in a group gathering. I feel veru self conscious. I feel overexposed. I do not know what to do with myself. I had this problem with my al anon group and finally just quit going. I still have my sponser.

I do not know why I go through this. I will have to think about it and come back to this later on. Thanks for bringing this topic up.

 

[KP the nut]

(((Angel))). My trauma was triggered by a car accident, but I still suffered the 'crowd anxiety' thing.

I don't know exactly why, but IMHO it was to do with the imaginary spotlight I put myself under. The whole everyone is looking at me. I shook very badly, I was hyper-vigilant, I had major anxiety and I felt everyone could see and feel the panic I was in.

It took a lot of work with my T and grounding techniques to get me to a stage where I could manage my symptoms.

You are strong.

Linking arms
KP

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I feel so a lone in a group of people. I am so self conscious. Mabe KP is right, a imaginary spotlight making me feel self conscious. I am so shy in a group of people. I do not feel safe. I am surrounded by strangers. I go to talk to people and I do ok one on one. I am conscious that I do not fit in. I feel like the odd one out.

I do not know what to do. I have a hard time approaching people I would like to talk to. So my self confidence is very low. It is a very uncomfortable feeling. I just want to get out of there. I try to join in a conversation but I have a hard time thinking of things to say. I have never really picked this one apart. I get stage fright. I have to be on. I do not know if that makes any sense. I have to really concentrate and focus. I do not feel safe.

There is so much more. I will have to come back to this again after I have had time to think about it some more.

 

[Innordinate]

I don't know exactly why, but IMHO it was to do with the imaginary spotlight I put myself under.
KP

That's interesting. I've heard other people say too that they think everyone can see their trauma or knows there is something wrong with them. This is more a social anxiety symptom than PTSD I think. Obviously though, the DMV doesn't encompass the whole of everything, things cross over, anxiety to anxiety etc. neh.

Interesting anyways.

Lol ( I was a psych major, I guess there really was a reason for the choice)

Anyways. Me and crowds. No. Overwhelming. 0 trust. Any one of them could be having a bad cell phone call at that exact moment break up horribly with their wives, find out they've been cheated on and just go rampage on the closest ppl...the crowd.

 

[maddog]

Gosh, there is so much in this issue, and this unanswerable question, for me too. Angel, you've hit on some of the key ways in which I experience this abstract, vast, overwhelming discomfort I have with crowds, and with social settings in general. No, it doesn't need to be noisy or crowded, and it doesn't even have to be a social situation. It's any gathering of humanity, any context in which people come together in the course of doing things and behaving normally. So for me, it's everything from my workplace, to the supermarket, to a city footpath, to the train, to a group of friends having a quiet coffee together.

As you say, there is something that just "hurts" after a time, sometimes more than others, but always enough to drive me to need desperately to leave before the timing would otherwise be appropriate, and which takes often long periods of time, and lots of stillness and quiet, to finally subside. Currently it's my workplace. I just... can't bear to be there, almost always, and the toll it takes on my ability to cope and to keep functioning is horrific. I can't explain this to anyone though - simply saying "I just can't bear to be at work..." somehow isn't enough, yet I don't know how else to articulate it. I truly need to find somewhere quiet and still and to spend literally hours in this state in an attempt to recover, every time i am forced to confront the world right now.

I think it's many things in my case. It's part overstimulation - too much random uncontrolled sensory input coming at me from all angles that I can't process quickly enough. It's part social anxiety - what will people think of me/what will I say/do/ how much do I just not fit in here. It's part genuine fear/mistrust of people. It's partly the effort of behaving in ways which dont' come naturally to me an which therefore take a big mental and emotional effort. Hell, I don't know what else, only that it's like a pressure cooker that just builds and builds and builds until it becomes unbearable, in a pounding, aching kind of way that physically hurts and is as exhausting as having run a marathon.

I am genuinely afraid of how I am going to keep coping with this issue, which seems to know no solution for now. Really glad to read others' experiences and views though, and to feel just that little less isolated with this struggle.

Maddog

 

[Traumagirl]

Maddog, thank you for summing up how I feel in crowds. The overstimulation is a big part for me. I can even get that after spending time with really close friends. It does feel like a pressure cooker and it does hurt physically.

 

[Let It Be]

I so concur with what Maddog wrote also. I so wish I could have given a copy of what you wrote to my former counselor!

So many times I would go walking in the mornings before I would enter my workplace, and mumble the words, "I can't go in there." Of course, I would then choke the words down and put that friendly smile on my face, and enter.

I always felt like it was too many of them, and only me.

Thus, I would make it a practice to allow myself time to re-charge my batteries so I could keep going and going!

 

[intothelight]

I have taken a different approach to this at this point. If I have to go into a crowded place, I can. I am uncomfortable, anxious, and hypervigilant, but I also know these things will not kill me. I will and do return to a normal baseline eventually.

But, part of my new normal is that I don't like crowds. I chose to shop in small stores, not the large box stores. I go to small restaurants where it is not noisy or crowded. I chose places for recreation that are not full of people, and my social settings are small and intimate.

I don't know if I will ever be able to go to a big concert or sporting event again, but at this point it doesn't matter. I am who I am; and really if I never learn to like crowds or crowded places, I am OK with that. It doesn't interfere with my daily life, so it is something I am learning to let go of and not berate myself for it.