Undiagnosed What Is My Problem Called..?

[GemmKatt]

I don't quite know how these forums work, so I'll start with my story.

I am 18, almost 19 years old. At the age of 15 I began dating an 18 year old man. My family didn't exactly agree with it in the beginning, but eventually they got over it and began to approve and even adore my relationship. After a year of the relationship, things got rocky. Out of the random, he began ignoring my messages and being blatantly rude to me at the drop of a hat...so I did what nobody, especially a 16 year old, should ever do, and found comfort in a new male friend online. My relationship with my boyfriend was dwindling, there was a point where we didn't speak to each other for a solid two weeks. During those two weeks, I met the friend in person for the first time. The furthest the physical relationship with the new male friend went was a kiss, but we were very close emotionally. When my boyfriend found out I met the new friend, he all of a sudden began caring. He finally showed me attention, finally spoke to me for the first time in weeks...but I was attached to this new friend. So I broke up with him...for a week...during that week, my boyfriend was tearing me apart about my relationship with the new friend. I ended up cutting ties with the new friend and getting back with my boyfriend, which took a toll on me for two reasons:
1. I was hurt by the loss of my very close friend.
2. My boyfriend was constantly tearing me apart about the mistakes I made.

Now that the beginning of the story has been explained, I can cut it a little bit shorter.

My relationship began to get worse and worse, but I let it happen over the years span My boyfriend managed to break me down from the person I was and turned me into a clone. I was scared to do anything at all, because almost everything I did made him mad. I ended up graduating high school and moving in with him, (Big mistake) celebrating my 18th birthday in his bedroom because he didn't feel like doing anything. After that, I cut ties with every one of my friends that were not mutual friends (other than my very best friend), I got a job as a server, and worked 6 days a week. When I came home, he'd make rude comments to me, depending on how he was feeling depended on the comments I received from him: They varied from "How many d**** did you suck for all those tips?" to "Don't you think you should stop eating for a little while? I'm pretty sure you're even gaining noticeable weight from that salad earlier."...It got to the point where I just accepted everything he said to me without arguing or disagreeing, and I would go into my room alone, cry myself to sleep, and wake up the next morning for work. Going the whole way, having fights with myself over whether my life really was worth it or not...I felt worthless, alone, pointless, and like I was a genuine pain to everyone in the world...exactly how he wanted me to feel, right..? I got to the point where I was terrified to argue, disagree, or even look at him wrong...he never laid a hand on me, but with the way he made me feel with just his words was enough to terrify me.

The underlined is what this is entire post is about. I ended up leaving my boyfriend in February (yay, me!) It was hard, I lost my job, a stable house, my boyfriend of three years, all of our mutual friends who took his side, and my beloved cat that I love more than life itself...but I had to do what I had to do for me, right?

But the tl;dr here,

I'm pretty sure I'm suffering a form of PTSD from this relationship with my ex. I have some serious trust issues, and am scared to let anyone in, but I've worked on that a lot recently. My biggest problem now is my fear of arguments...When there is a debate around me, whether I am involved or not, I completely shut down. Whether it is an actual argument, a debate, or even a small disagreement. Even if it's a debate on what we should get for dinner, every fiber of my being begs me to shut down and close everyone out. Every bit of me gets anxious, sweaty, nervous, and absolutely terrified. I don't know if there's a term for this, but that's what I want to find out. How do I explain this to my mom? How do I explain this to a therapist if she wants me to see one? Is there even such thing as a fear of debates?

Any sort of advice at all is much appreciated...I don't know who else to approach about this situation because I would have never guessed that this kind of problem existed...

Thanks again,

GemmKatt

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Gaining an official Diagnosis under the DSM(V) criterion is all too important with PTSD.

Criterion A: stressor
The person was exposed to: death, threatened death, actual or threatened serious injury, or actual or threatened sexual violence, as follows: (one required)

1. Direct exposure.
2. Witnessing, in person.
3. Indirectly, by learning that a close relative or close friend was exposed to trauma. If the event involved actual or threatened death, it must have been violent or accidental.
4. Repeated or extreme indirect exposure to aversive details of the event(s), usually in the course of professional duties (e.g., first responders, collecting body parts; professionals repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). This does not include indirect non-professional exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures.

It would greatly benefit any potential help you can get to seek out a therapist or diagnosing Psychiatrist.

Sending :hug:s from the UK

Laurie

 

[Fadeaway]

Even if you don't have PTSD, and no one here can tell you one way or another, what you have described is going to leave emotional scars. I am sorry you have had to go through that.

 

[TonyG]

Go and see your doctor

 

[ms spock]

Perhaps see a mental health professional for some advice and assistance?

I am so sorry to read what you went through @GemmKatt!

 

[GemmKatt]

I'll be applying for insurance and making an appointment with a therapist/diagnosis psychiatrist very soon, hopefully. Thank you all for your support, it means the world.

 

[Neverthesame]

Nobody here can diagnose you. But I can tell you that you are not making a mountain of a molehill. What you described sounded awful.

It is definitely abuse. While it may not meet the criteria for ptsd. It was a horrible thing to endure. I strongly suggest you seek therapy for this. It really will benefit you.

Also, try to keep in mind that you got out. Alot of women in your situation don't. That takes enormous strength to do. You should take great pride in that. It also means that even after everything, all the sacrifices you had to make. You did what you needed to do to get away. This means he didn't break you. This is something else you should be very proud of.

You don't deserve to be treated like garbage. Remember that. You deserve to be happy, do whatever you think will help you get there.

 

[Queen Boudica]

You are a victim of domestic abuse. It doesn't have to be physical abuse it can be emotional abuse and control. I think you could start with a DV counsellor or a counsellor. I don't know why you may be susceptible to this kind of man, and that could be something in your childhood. No-one can tell you here if you have PTSD, depends on the whole picture. I think after this terrible experience with this abuser you will need a lot of emotional support and help to bring your confidence up and believe in yourself and it was not you it was him. Talk to a counsellor. The abuse you describe was very bad.

 

[ms spock]

The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans might be of interest @GemmKatt.

 

[Casey_03]

Regardless of whether or not you have PTSD, props to you for getting out of that relationship. You got out early enough to save yourself and you still have time to rebuild whatever pieces of yourself you lost. It takes a lot of strength to do what you did, so know that. You will get through whatever dark periods are ahead as long as you realize you did the right thing, and you are worth so much more than this guy!

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and you have received some great advice from the members. Regardless of your diagnosis, getting help will only improve your life.

 

[shimmerz]

My boyfriend was constantly tearing me apart about the mistakes I made.

Interesting, this statement. Based on what you have said and what he turned into, you didn't make a mistake at all. DV counselling is a great resource if you can find it. They have seen so much more than therapists imho. I would go with that if you can find it and find a therapist to help through your life rebuild.

Welcome.