What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Friday

Moderator
Every once in awhile I consider opening a food truck called

Not Quite Kosher

(Bacon & Shellfish Found Here. No Moo Juice.).

It would be easy enough to open a kosher truck, so it always sort of strikes me as a dumb idea, halfway through the having a think.

That and I always sort of wonder if it’s the anorexic in me fixating on food without having to actually eat any of it, or attempting to be clever enough to make sure there’s freaking food I can eat, always available. Without the guilt of buying it “for me”. Either way? The reason I never work in restaurants for more than a hot minute, is I just don’t see feeding people as useful. Like… Whay did you do with your life? Shrug. I can cook… I’d just rather blow shit up, and ride horses, and swim, play with ropes, and search for sunken treasure, and be places I’m not supposed to be, and have a badass med kit. IDFK.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
I have reason to believe that my daughter is using heroin. She is living in the streets because her mom threw her out and I am not allowed to have her live with me because there are 3 people in a 2 bedroom apartment here......Anyway, I am totally frightened that I will get the phone call that she has OD'd and I can do very little except to pray and wait and hope she goes to rehab.
 

Tornadic Thoughts

MyPTSD Pro
Sending well wishes and hopes for major transformations, @Lionheart . I have a nephew in my life who is currently incarcerated because of behaviors he did while under the influence of meth. Addiction keeps us mourning those who are still living and feeling helpless as we watch it all unfold, that is if we even know of their whereabouts and such. May they both find their way to a path of recovery.

On my mind right this second is the table full of tomatoes waiting to be made into marinara.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Really disappointed in myself that my trust was misplaced. Should have known better. Makes me feel sick. Wish I was born more stupid, but in other ways than I actually am.

Can't wait to get tomorrow over with.

I'm sure there were times my trust wasn't misplaced. I just wish I wasn't so tired I could remember them.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking this night 28 years ago changed my life's path in a major way, a natural disaster of a flood (they said 3 inches measured here, but they measured 104 mm in 45 min upon us then, plus 300 mm total over a few days before with no incident), ultimately changed or impacted on my abilities and opportunities, re: my education (regretted), field of study (partially regretted), employment (grieved), long term relationship (now not regretted at all), family member's heath (regrettable), and life plan (upside down). Today, for now, it is totally sunny. Funny, it all started with just one night and I recall looking forward to the future.
 

Friday

Moderator
1 death down, 1 to go.

A bird flew into my house, yesterday (someone’s gonna die).
Took it out, and TheCat brought in another live one (someone’s gonna die)

I was kinda sorta maybe hoping the TheCat had cancelled out the first one, because 1 bird in the house, means someone is going to die; but 2 is good luck.

Nope. Or maybe. I suppose it depends on who dies.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
My head and neck are so sore. It’s hard to feel positive and motivated while in pain. Helps to laugh. Maybe I’ll eat, take ibuprofen, and try a movie.
 

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
My day had 13 hours of peaceful sailing followed by 4 hours of flame juggling, but ok. And scored 2.5 million on this game I am playing lol.

@Friday , I get it, but fwiw maybe bringing a live bird is to show you that the opposite is possible? For all intents and purposes that was not so likely, I'd think?

Was thinking, a new life is a different life, but not always a better life; it's natural to think of only rewards or positives. .It's ok to want more, and it's ok to want what you have. A bit of the difficulty of appreciating the forest for the trees, I think. Everything tells us to want more, get more, replace, throw away, damaged is worthless. It relies on unhappiness, and feeling what you have or who or how you are is not enough. The only work/ dream I really wanted had neither pay nor prestige. Travel, eg, is beautiful, but can just still end up as a ghost roaming. If I was told I will die tomorrow it wouldn't be my possessions I'd concentrate on, except for others, which goes back to them, not the possession for it's sake. I think the peace comes from within, relationships are the matrix, and that is part of something much larger. I think the key is recognizing what is of value now, even with brokenness, or as-is. Which by it's fact includes ourselves. Just a thought this moment.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
First there was no power, then power and no internet, then no internet and no water, now all there.

Kind of worried about a bit strange text from a relative this morning. Not sure if to text back again?

Semi-hellish day expected ahead.

i realize a lack of self-compassion is probably because I can't forgive myself. And every time I'm in a situation I'm not sure how to react, I freeze . Today was a FB. My hands are still shaking like a leaf. I haven't had one in a long time. But, that is the heart, I do not forgive myself, not sure how I ever could.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Cryptocurrency and blockchain! It’s wild! I invested $100 last month and already made $50!

I read that China is shutting down most of its Bitcoin miners because it uses too much energy for them to meet their green initiatives. You’ll never guess where many of those miners are expected to move…

Texas! Texas wants to lead the way in Bitcoin mining through solar and wind energy. Alberta is also courting the miners with their tar sands.

I looked up how much it costs to get a mining computer (about the size of a cinder block) almost $8000 on Amazon. The mining operations in Texas are like huge warehouses full of those.

It’s a strange world.
 
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