What Is This And How Do I Stop It?

[sugnim]

I'm at work right now, and I just realized that whenever I experience conflict with an authority figure or anyone who is older then me, I get an image of my mother chasing me with a piece of baseboard that she used to hit me with. It was about 2 inches wide and maybe 18 inches long, dark brown, and it had a little hole drilled into the end of it where she looped a piece of cord through so that she could hang it on a hook in the kitchen for easy access. That damn thing hurt, and I used to run from her when she got it out--she would chase me through the house. Anyway, I just realized that whenever I have conflict with certain types of people, I replay that through my mind, and I feel like I want to get away. I have, for example, thought about quitting my job over small conflicts or stresses, all the while, feeling like I was about to get hit with that damn board. How could I not notice this before? Why am I noticing it now? What is this? And, most importantly, how can I make it go away?

 

[Enaila]

It is called a flashback. Are you in therapy? A therapist will help you find what grounding techniques work for you. It has taken me some time, but if I remember to breathe and then tell myself "I am safe. I am okay. I am here." I eventually realize and believe those three things and can approach the current problem. Breathing is the most important part, but the hardest for me.

There are many techniques and everyone has different things which work for them.

 

[Justmehere]

[Whenever I have conflict with an authority figure, I have something similar happen. For me it's an intrusive memory of my father abusing me.

You are noticing this now because you are becoming more aware, and that's great!

What is it? It's probably partly negative transference, where the memory of the abuser is transferred on someone in the present. It is also probably partly an intrusive memory of the past being triggered by someone who reminds you of the abuser. Intrusive memories are memories that come up when we don't want them, don't go away very easily, and seem real, but we know it's an event that happened in the past, even if we are scared of the possibility of it happening again. If you ever loose all sense of connection to the present moment, and you feel like the past is not in the past but is happening right now and find yourself reacting as if it is happening right now, then it could be a flashback.

Making this go away involves first of all, recognizing it. You are taking that great step!

Other things you can do:
- connect to this present moment now. This involves getting grounded and really present. Look up on the forum or on google "grounding techniques." As you connect to this moment now, the past will be less intrusive on the present moment.
- notice and remind yourself (and your scared inner child) that this moment now is different than the past, and you have more power to be safe now because you are an adult
- notice anything that is safe or helps you feel safe.

 

[Ronin]

Is there someone or someones in your life that were safe & helpful & positive authority figures for you?

That you could think of whenever the thoughts of your mother and associated feelings resurface?

 

[sugnim]

Thanks, everyone. I made an appointment with my therapist, who I haven't seen for some time. She said that I need to acknowledge that what happened in my memory was significant to me when I was a child, and that I was right to feel fear at that time. Then, I'm supposed to remember that I'm not in that situation right now, and that my reaction to whatever is happening in the moment does not need to be the same reaction I had when I was a child.

She also suggested some other techniques that I'm not sure will work. She suggested that I imagine the memory as a leaf, and that I imagine setting it down in a stream and watching it float away. And she suggested that I re-imagine the memory, but give it a different ending, such as having a protective person come in and stop the hitting.