What Is Wrong With Avoidance?

[SeaQuel]

I've noticed that my triggers/PTSD symptoms are significantly reduced when I limit contact with the outside world. Although I don't want to live an isolated life over the long term, I want to know why I can't listen to that need if that's what my body and mind is telling me I need right now?

 

[moonbeam]

Its okay to avoid certain things though some people prefer to use exposure to ocercome it.

I think it becomes an issue when it starts negatively impacting on quality of life.

The thing about isolating in the home is that it can lead to making it harder and harder to go out. I have had periods where I stayed in a lot and went out for x numbers of days a week (as low as 1 or 2 at one point). But it can lead to becoming more afraid of the outside world and agoraphobia or just make facing it even harder and more stressing. Isolation in shorter periods can be helpful for some people but too much can increase depression. When I started going back out more it was very difficult.

I don't know if that helps any.

 

[rightkindofme]

I call it going on vacation. I always resurface after a few weeks. :) I think it is good for me.

 

[shimmerz]

I've noticed that my triggers/Link Removed symptoms are significantly reduced when I limit contact with the outside world.

Because it is a reaction, not a choice. The corner can get smaller and smaller the more one avoids and then low and behold, no friends, no life, everything is chaotic. Avoidance is not your friend in the long run.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

That's a good point.

I think it's not a matter of black or white. It's important to keep actively participating in society, because it helps you stay in the present and can distract you from your pain. The largest problem with isolating yourself is the risk it poses to dragging you in too deep, causing you to get (more severely) depressed.

But of course it's okay to avoid situations that can be triggering. You need to protect yourself as well.

I guess it is a fine line between being too isolated and getting overstressed. I know I often struggle with it. So my advice would be to challenge yourself a little bit every day, while still taking good care of yourself.

 

[rightkindofme]

I think it partially depends on how you structure it. I tell my friends, "I'm feeling very overwhelmed by life. I'm going to need to go dark for a bit. If you don't hear from me in a month... poke me and remind me you love me and want me to come back."

 

[Anarchy]

If you start living in a bubble, it just gets smaller and smaller as more and more things become triggers; been there, done that - 's not good.
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/bubblize-ing-a-definition.50002/

 

[Nico]

I'm not a sufferer, but I will say I've been hit HARD on the receiving end of a boyfriend going dark on me. If you need to avoid and isolate for a bit to get over what you are going through, then do your loved ones a favor and communicate that to them. I've dealt with the silence and it nearly destroyed me. I had to let go and it was so emotionally painful.

 

[Chava]

Who says you can't isolate? Sometimes it really helps me re-ground. My job is fast-paced, I'm introverted, and I'm going through quite a bit of shit. Not only do I not enjoy crowds of people or even chit chat with a few most of the time, I find I feel best if I hang out in the corner of the smallest room in my house. Once I'm more grounded and rested I get out into the world. I've picked a few choice things that I stick with, like a 12-step group (alcoholic), a meditation group, and usually saying yes to small birthday gatherings...lately mostly NO THANKS to big parties or gatherings in crowded bars. Part of it is just maintaining a low level of arousal that lets me rest through this stage as I need it. But I'm also learning about having some boundaries and not feeling guilty for it. If you can find one or two things you enjoy getting out and doing, or a couple people to stay in contact with, that's helpful. I don't want to be totally isolated for the longterm either, but I'm mostly over my never-always thinking. I'm pretty isolated now. It is a recurring pattern. But I'm safe and I don't actually miss human contact, at least not right now. I don't feel lonely.

 

[Chava]

But ditto communicating with others if your isolation might hurt or confuse anyone. I live alone and nobody expects much from me. For now, I hate to say it, but that's good. I do well at work and that's important. Beyond that I'm managing a lot right now.

 

[Biz]

Although I don't want to live an isolated life over the long term,

That's it... because it's not a long term strategy, that's all. But if it's working for the short term, do it! :) Enjoy your vacation.

 

[Chava]

p.p.s. (sorry for disjointed thoughts): I had a therapist a few years back who was always pushing me to get out and hang out with friends more, be more social. It was sort of her focus. I just think she was an extrovert and also didn't really know how else to help me. I found a different therapist and I'm not shamed for isolating.