My most common is probably any repetitive, unstoppable frustration. Anything that makes me feel as unempowered as I was as a child trying to retain any semblance of my previous life after my mom died and my father married the most self-righteous and unreasonable religious fanatic I have ever had the misfortune to suffer.
Most of the time I am reminded of those traumatic years by people. People that claim entitlement without earning anything. People that regurgitate what they have been told to regurgitate without any thought. People that dismiss ideas out of hand becausethey aren't what they were programmed with. People that care little about the lives of others when those others don't agree with their views of the world, People that put their own convenience or pleasures above the well being of others. They are found everywhere, not just in a religion.
But my worst trigger is and probably always will be traffic accidents where innocent people are hurt or killed. When someone takes a chance with my life because they are in a hurry or angry or too selfish to call a cab instead of driving home drunk, I want to aim a deadly weapon at them too. I feel like I just had a shotgun aimed at my neck, but I know that even actually doing it right back at them with a real weapon aimed at their real neck wouldn't sway their faulty thought processes one bit- see the above paragraphs. I know what happens when you hit someone with a car at 3 miles per hour (walking speed) because I used to clean those messes up. When I suffer a near miss with some idiot doing twenty times that speed, the thin metal skin of my car doesn't make me feel any safer, and surviving it unscathed doesn't make me feel any better about the experience. I literally want to offer them a second chance at my life but this time we both get weapons. One at a time, as long as it takes.
Most of the time I am reminded of those traumatic years by people. People that claim entitlement without earning anything. People that regurgitate what they have been told to regurgitate without any thought. People that dismiss ideas out of hand becausethey aren't what they were programmed with. People that care little about the lives of others when those others don't agree with their views of the world, People that put their own convenience or pleasures above the well being of others. They are found everywhere, not just in a religion.
But my worst trigger is and probably always will be traffic accidents where innocent people are hurt or killed. When someone takes a chance with my life because they are in a hurry or angry or too selfish to call a cab instead of driving home drunk, I want to aim a deadly weapon at them too. I feel like I just had a shotgun aimed at my neck, but I know that even actually doing it right back at them with a real weapon aimed at their real neck wouldn't sway their faulty thought processes one bit- see the above paragraphs. I know what happens when you hit someone with a car at 3 miles per hour (walking speed) because I used to clean those messes up. When I suffer a near miss with some idiot doing twenty times that speed, the thin metal skin of my car doesn't make me feel any safer, and surviving it unscathed doesn't make me feel any better about the experience. I literally want to offer them a second chance at my life but this time we both get weapons. One at a time, as long as it takes.
