What It Takes To Fall Asleep

[sun seeker]

I've had problems with sleep for most of my life, some times worse than others. Lately I'm in a bad patch. Since there are likely several hundred people here having the same problem, I'm wondering whether any of you have noticed the same thing I have about sleep.

You know how doctors will tell you about sleep hygiene, i.e. go to bed and get up at the same time every day, have quiet time to wind down before bed, etc.? Have any of you noticed trauma making that method not work? I'm wondering if there are chemical or neurological changes.

I've had trauma throughout my life so I don't have a clear before and after, but there was a change in my sleep patterns eighteen years ago when my ex and I split up. He was abusive. After leaving him, it felt like I'd gotten into a state of heightened arousal such that to fall asleep I basically needed to trick myself, and it has stayed that way ever since, some nights more than others. If I follow the advice about having a schedule and giving myself time to wind down, those winding down activities are like a signal to my brain to go into high alert and I lie there wide awake. If on the other hand I read or watch TV until my eyes can't keep open, with a dim light on, sleep kind of creeps up on me (usually) and at some point later I can get up and turn the light off. Also the thing about getting up at the same time every day? Not going to happen. It's the extra stress of knowing I have to get up at a certain time that makes me less and less able to fall asleep as the night wears on. Hence my hours of sleep are all over the place, but there are more of them in total than there would be if I tried to follow the usual advice. Just wondering if others have noticed the same thing and whether you have been able to overcome it. Sure would be nice to get to where I could schedule activities early in the day and count on getting some sleep the night before, but I don't know how realistic that is when my brain has been patterned this way for so long. Thanks in advance.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Yes, I can relate. My traumas have been lifelong. I had nightmares as young as 4. I never was comforted. I sleep with one eye open. Never knew when someone was going to show up in the middle of the night to beat or rape me. In college I was too overstimulated by all the other girls who stayed up late making too much noise. Then I got an apartment and immediately developed an irrational fear that someone would break in and rape me. My friend would spend the night with me whenever I asked him to.

I kept moving from the city to the country back and forth trying to find peace. But night would set and trigger my trauma memories. It was awful. I Moved to Maine to find peace, but of course ended up in an abusive relationship. That was another five years of horror. He stalks me so I am moving again from the city to the beach. I begged my realtor not to put the sold sign up til I was out of here. My son and a friend are going to move me out at night. Hopefully, he won't find me.

I am chronically tired. I take sleeping pills and Xanax at bedtime. Sometimes I get to sleep but always wake up in panic at 2:30am. I can GET to sleep, I can't STAY asleep. I take a nap at noon and that gets me through the afternoon. I tried all the sleep hygiene crap. It all is over stimulating and just winds me up.

I decided to radically accept my insomnia. My inner clock is too ingrained. I just can't sleep. Now I don't take extra drugs. I have an APP for guided relaxation or listen to Pandora. I read a book about Highly Sensitive People (HSP) she recommends just to stay in bed with low light or dark and simply rest. Pushing away negative and inviting calm. I do that with controlled breathing. I am trying to stay up later sometimes I can get a whole night uninterrupted.

Since I started reiki, I am not having nightmares. I just awake. Lately I have been experimenting with positive affirmations. I do have more energy since starting that.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

There are a LOT of sleep hygiene tips to follow, but the thing is that if you piecemeal them together yourself, or just use one or two of them, they may not be very effective. If you are able to, I suggest seeing a sleep doctor. I see one and in my first session she was with me (yes, the doctor herself, not her support staff) for over an hour. She came up with a sleep plan to fit my specific issues, some of which you would think would be counterproductive. You don't get this kind of information by reading up on sleep hygiene in a book. After that first appointment I think I had a list of 7 things that I was supposed to do in order to get a good nights sleep. So my suggestion is to find a sleep doctor to help you.

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks! KwanYinGirl, wow, you've really been through a lot. It's awful how the work of getting an abuser to leave you alone falls on the victim. So sorry that is happening to you.

For me it's never been fear of abuse keeping me awake (my flashbacks are mostly emotional and come up in relation to things other people say and do), so much as generally having trouble relaxing and turning my mind off. It's like I've drunk too much coffee, but I don't even drink coffee! I can often get enough sleep, but it takes at least twelve hours of uninterrupted time to get in eight hours of sleep. I just end up scheduling my life to make that time. Lately that isn't even enough.

Solara, that's good information about tailoring a sleep plan to your specific needs. I'm kind of stuck when it comes to finding the right help, just as with my problem of finding the right therapist. It has to do with money, transportation, and living in an isolated area. There is a sleep clinic in a city six hours away from here. I have a friend with much worse insomnia than mine who visited it a few years ago and they did a sleep study and sent her home with some advice that didn't help her at all.

 

[sun seeker]

I forgot to mention that back soon after I left my ex, I did have fear come up around lying down, and it made sense because of an incident with him shoving me across the apartment and holding me down on a bed with our toddler looking on and screaming. After that I was clearly triggered by lying down, especially with another person standing up near me. It made sense. I would go to bed with big pillows so I was in a semi-sitting position. Eventually I got over that trigger. But the trouble relaxing remains. I feel it's gotten to be more of a chemical/neurological habit than an actual fear. I do believe the brain can be retrained. I just haven't found a way that works for me yet.

 

[franciemarnie]

I know whereof you speak! I used to go on high alert the later it got each evening. Began at 5 PM and went until dawn. I have to get myself out of fight or flight to sleep. Relaxing from head to toe never helped me nor did tranquilizers. Tensing my muscles hard so I feel my strength and then allowing my body to relax naturally afterwards helps. Walking and watching my feet helps. Listening to binaural beats on my iPod helps. (They distract the survival brain.) Reading my favorite book from childhood before sleep recently did miraculous things when my husband was in the hospital and a week later, we were in another state because his daughter was in hospice before dying.

Keep trying different things. I must feel my strength before I can relax. When your pulse is high, sit with feet on floor and tense your muscles, hold your breath for five seconds while bearing down almost as if having a bowel movement. Then exhale. That should bring it down in a jiffy. I got that from The Survival Doctor online when my husband's pulse was 140 and he was freaking out.

I had trouble sleeping from the age of 14. Such a drag.

Also, a hot sea salt bath can pull the stress hormones and toxins out before sleep.

Keep releasing that buried trauma energy.

You are not alone in this for sure!

 

[sun seeker]

Thanks franciemarnie. Yes, I know what you mean about anxiety getting worse at night. For me it's when the sun goes down. Not sure why, whether it's an association with trauma that I (mostly) don't remember, or something hormonal that changes at night. Any thoughts on this?

It sounds like you've tried a lot of things. Your technique for lowering your heart rate gave me a much-needed laugh! I do have a CD of binaural beats which sometimes helps. I've heard it works better if you listen with earphones and my kitten chewed through an expensive new set so I've been getting along without. She's matured enough she doesn't chew on things much anymore so I should invest in a new set.

I also really like audio books and can often fall asleep to them, only they have to not be so interesting that they keep me awake! It's just that I've gone through all the ones at my local library that interest me. I'll have to look further afield. The bigger problem though is not falling asleep but waking up way too early and not being able to get to sleep again. An over-active bladder doesn't help.

Sorry to hear about your husband's daughter. That must have been so hard.

Oh I know I'm not alone in my sleep problems. I just wondered whether other people with PTSD find that conventional advice doesn't work. So far it sounds like the answer is yes.

 

[franciemarnie]

A resounding yes! IMO. Conventional works if I am not on high alert, but I often am before bed time.

For me, my getting "nervous" around five matches exactly the bad butterflies I would get when I was in 6th grade and knew my dad would be home in two hours. I personally think - for me at least - that was hard wired into me for life. That was decades ago.

I love kittens but they sure get into mischief! Can you buy some new ear buds? Re audiobooks, etc. - yes, whatever I focus on before bed needs to have the power to distract and transfix me utterly to throw off track my poor insane survival brain. It tries so hard, but it's deaf and dumb to words. Only the senses can over power. Naming five things red in the room, five things blue, etc. (The colors are the power, not the words.) I will do anything to become fully present so that all parts of my brain can know we are safe.

I had grass wallpaper on my wall years ago. It was expensive, but I loved the warm glow it gave the room. Then I got two kittens. They literally climbed the walls all day and night. It was in shreds! You can imagine the effect of saying, No kitties! Do not climb the walls! Mew, mew. Back to climbing.

Over active bladder - oy! Tell me about it. And waking early! Again, it is often fight or flight for me immediately. I check my pulse and do the bearing down : ) to calm down. I also woke early when I was in a depression. That's another kettle of fish.

I survived and continue to with naps. I hope you can get some sun seeker!! Safe hugs to you.

 

[KwanYingirl]

@franciemarnie the image of your kitties climbing your walls cracked me up!! Sorry!!

 

[franciemarnie]

@KwanYingirl - it is hilarious now! But at the time, I was like - Nooooo! : )

 

[TonyG]

I am having a lot of trouble at the moment going to sleep, I gave up on relaxing techniques and either use a sleeping pill or a stiff scotch, going to bed at 10pm every night is no use if I am awake at 4am still trying to go to sleep,

 

[sun seeker]

I am having a lot of trouble at the moment going to sleep, I gave up on relaxing techniques and either use a sleeping pill or a stiff scotch, going to bed at 10pm every night is no use if I am awake at 4am still trying to go to sleep,

Right... there is way less information available on this kind of insomnia than the getting-to-sleep variety. One thing I read about it said waking up too early and not being able to get back to sleep is caused by unresolved grief. Fits for me.

I kind of envy you the stiff scotch once in a while. My digestive system started reacting to alcohol about a year ago so I had to give up that particular relaxation method.