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What Kind Of Ptsd Do You Have?

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Okay, first I thought you meant what trauma did the PTSD derive from, then I read the posts. This is probably why I do horribly at multiple choice questions. Sigh.

Frankly, I am not sure what is from the PTSD or what is just mental illness, such as my depression, slight paranoia, anxiety, etc. I do know that the PTSD does play a huge part in why I do not have sex, or very rarely have sex. (to the disappointment of my husband and even myself). Only so many times you can feel like you are getting run over by a mack truck before just stopping.
 
Depression, nightmares, flashbacks, dissociation, freezing, insomnia, paranoia, out of control startle reflex. shaking, emotional numbness, anger, distrust of everyone, hatred of myself and others. Disassociation memory loss, anxiety out of control , stress, avoidance big time, fears, anti social, deep sadness, crying, making sure that i am not in trouble, in denial.

Forgive me, I copied a bunch from others. Seems though, that the harder I try to get a handle on myself - the more anxious I become.
 
I've posted this before, but as kind of a letter from the Other Side, here's something weird. Ever hear about a bomb-proof horse? It's the one everyone goes to look for when they're buying one for their beginner- doesn't flick and eyebrow come hell, high-water or the occasional dragon in the form of a combine harvester. Nothing moves them, so your kid is safe. That'd be me after all the years of someone having to fetch a ladder to peel me the h*ll off the ceiling.

Now? Loud noises, NOTHING, scary sounds in the woods- I start walking towards it. Like all the extra-extra-extra hyper-vigilance for decades acted like sandpaper on the nervous system, ground it all away bit by bit. It's just WEIRD. The startle reflex said 'You know what? I am OUTA here, you're insane", and left. I told the therapist about it, seems a little worrying (of course, I have PTSD, LINT is a little worrying), all he did was made me repeat the statement and wrote it all down on The Yellow Pad.

Seriously, the kids have a field day with this, the little rotters. They sneak up on me, all hours of the day and night, various forms of BOO! Nothing. Like the one who gets me will get a ribbon. Well HA, turn-about is fair play, I'm pretty good at this game too, muahahahaahahhaa.
 
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