What Made You Angry Today?

[YoungAndScared]

The fact that even though I had a fantastic few days today, at work, I feel like I am about to crumble and break into tears.

I just want to do something constructive. To care for someone. To act as a mother or carer. Alas I am the youngest member of my team (of the company!) and whilst I have a lot on my shoulders, it is nothing that requires my care.

Instead I tear recklessly into the world I work in, like Grendel on unsuspecting villagers, and wait for my moment of freedom. So I can cry, and let it go.

That makes me angry.

 

[Jestadud]

That there was no one there when I was so ready to lash out.

 

[Srain]

Human beings (and that's questionable) parading around as doctors...especially at a time when lives are shaken up so badly with jobs lost by that hundreds of thousands....are you kiddding me!!??!!!

The knots in my stomach are VISIBLE!! :x3: how's that for diagnosis?

......I'm a little angry :tup:

 

[KP the nut]

I am angry at myself for procrastinating. It is gone midday, I haven't been up long and I'm sat here wearing a
towel:eek: (thank goodness no web cam) delaying having a shower and doing stuff.

 

[heidi]

It might be too much to say it made me angry. It's just difficult sometimes how other people just don't understand. Unless they've been through this they can't. Saying things like.. if you just keep trying to do thing that make you feel better over time you will get better. I mean that's good advice and all and lord knowns I could at this moment attempt to go for a bicycle ride. But the thing is i have been trying so hard for so long and it gets frustrating. I guess just other people applying their normalness to you. Or telling someone.. I feel like I'll never get my old self back.. and they say.. well maybe your new self will be a good itself. I mean.. I know.. it's nice advice and everything. It's just the frustration of not being understood I guess.

 

[thinlizzy4010]

I got/am angry that a friend of mine who suffered abuse also, gets the same as me on an allowance and got back paid 10k for a minor incident, when I suffered abuse for years, survived far worse, and have the emotional and physical scars to prove it. When I got paid out next to nothing.

I feel like I am being punished.again, for not speaking out when I was that little girl. The system made me feel like a loser and a victim again. I know money wont fix me, I know just being a normal happy person would be reward enough. But dam would it make things easier.

I dam well deserve it. She doesnt, shes pretty normal. She can work. She doesnt need therapy like I do, she doesnt cry all day! She doesnt have a painful face from clenching her teeth at night, she doesnt have sore neck and shoulders from carrying the stress of the world on her shoulders. She doesn't tie her mind in knots living inside her own thoguhts...she just doesnt.. anything, and I do.

What about me damit all. Feels like I'm yelling in silence from inside the box.

<Edited for capitalization and paragraphs by Amethist>

 

[Lionheart]

Today I was going to buy myself an office chair for the computer desk and some energy supplement to help me fight the cfs and what should happen but my credit card was turned down.......My niece maxed out my credit card to the tune of $4500 that I needed to use for necessary automotive maintenance and repairs. Now that she has maxed out my card, she wants to make payment arrangements when we had already agreed that she would put the money right back into the credit account with her monthly check.

I am angry with her and with myself for giving her the opportunity to max out my credit. :(

 

[milbert]

My parents were pressuring me to spend time with them. I'm angry at them for the pressure, and angry at myself for not being able to let go of the guilt I feel. I'm angry that I still fall for their tricks, and angry that I might eventually have to see them again and have to force myself to pretend everything is great.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I'm typically not an extremely angry person, or maybe I just direct the anger inward way too much. I do get outbursts of anger that are really overdoing it for the situation though. However at the moment, I am really angry at my friend. My therapist has been working a lot with me on not blaming myself for the abuse i went through. I blame myself for not leaving sooner, and blame myself for everything in general. I still blame myself but am trying really hard to change this....well my friend tonight tells me, "You could have left. It takes a certain person to stay and let themselves get abused like that. I wouldn't have stood for that, etc" I am so mad i am in between two options, either just stop talking to this person, or I say what i would like to say and really piss them off. most likely I will just keep quiet though.....if i let my anger out of myself i would probably make a lot of enemies.

 

[thinlizzy4010]

[You could have left. It takes a certain person to stay and let themselves get abused like that".

But we dont stay to be abused. we stay because we think we are being strong, and we are. we stay because we think that our abuser will change, that good wins out in the end, that we will survive, and we do. But we live in a silence that is rigid and loyal. a silence that is tough enough to override your bodys ability to cry out in pain and anguish. we are the strong silent weepers, who care anough to will the world to their be their own. I am shaking and on the verge of tears, my cheeks are burning and my face is twitching. I will go and make a cup of tea and have some slice and swallow the woe with it. smile and go on. But today i need to force myself to do something with passion, paint or a dance maybe (wish my body wasnt so sore). I need to not stress that we are broke til tuesday and to get out there and make some money for the family . give me the strength to go out there and put on my brave face. I would like to share that having ptsd gave me the great talent of being able to slow my heart rate and breathe silently. i can hear a pine needle fall in a forest of 100 oak trees.this must be classed as a super power surely?? (lol) am unsure if i am cheering myself up here but I am smiling a little at my terrible humour.

 

[heidi]

Like the chemicals in my head

 

[RealityCheck]

Three friends cancelled on a movie night last night and I woke up angry, upset and feeling sad. I went for a long walk and cried part of the way - without feeling bad about it, I just let the tears roll to get the horrible feeling of being alone out of my body.

When a cyclist rode past and yelled out 'stay on the left' I wanted to shout out 'wake up' and dare him to turn around 'cos I was ready for a fight.

I'm still feeling lonely and upset... thought the only place I can really express what's happening is here, so here I am, back after a long break.