i'm angry at a few things today!
1. I'm angry at my lungs. I kind of need them to breathe, and they are not wanting to comply.
2. I'm angry that I can barely smoke a cigarette (Yes i know, i know) because it hurts too much to smoke but then withdrawals and bs if i don't!
3. I'm angry that my 'fever' was only 98.7 pretty normal but I FEEL feverish like i've got a fever of 3000000000 and i cant stop the sweating and the chills. ugh.
4. I'm angry that I cried at the doctor today. I made myself look like such a huge baby. but physical discomfort and pain is the only way that tears make their way out these days.
5. I'm angry i spent most of the appointment dissociated and coming across like a freak. I'm angry I didn't know what was going on until the doctor lifted up the back of my shirt to hear my lungs and he dodged an elbow headed towards his face.
6. I'm angry that a nurse, even better, a male nurse, had to give me a steroid shot in my ass. he told me to bend over the table thing and he was going to drop my pants. I stood their shaking and ended up crying like a baby. its not the needle that i was crying about. Also another bit of jumpy-kick reaction. I'm lucky i'm not getting sued.
7. I'm angry that after all this, I had the smart idea to try and go grocery shopping, since I was there already. I apparently chose the busiest time of the day and the week, people everywhere chaos, and then my therapist walks by.... soooo damn awkward. I just had to leave. i was a half dissociated sweaty clammy stinky been in urgent care all day mess and ..no!!! he is only safe in his safe little office!!! In the real world he is someone who knows too much about me! ~~~~~~quick exit run to car~~~~~
8. I am also mad that once I finally get home, i have a baby sitter for another hour, i might get to lay down for 1 hour and just RELAX, my abuser starts calling and texting me off the hook. on top of calling and harassing everyone i know, which causes everyone i know to call and text me with drama. can't a fomo get any peace?!?!?!?!
Okay. I'm sorry. I may have gone overboard here.