What Made You Angry Today?

[Curvy]

Many of my emotions end as anger. If I'm sad, I usually get angry. Frustration turns to anger. Humiliation turns to anger. I dont usually direct that towards people, though. In fact I cannot really recall anytime that I have. Sometimes my anger brings about progress. I use it to accomplish something that needs to get done. But other times it just hurts, and I use a handful of tools to calm the anger and myself.

Today, my anger is stemming from humiliation and pain. I'm feeling very stupid lately. I have a high IQ and I used to have a photographic memory. But all these illnesses and the PTSD have worn me down to the point that putting steps in order, or focusing on anything is extremely difficult or impossible. I feel like I cannot claim such intelligence anymore and that my previous talents, skill sets and gifts are gone. I dont feel excellent at anything because EVERYTHING is such a struggle.

Also, one of my animals died today. My husband and I run a reptile breeding business. When we moved states down to CA so that I could be treated at Stanford, we had to leave our reptiles with a fellow reptile business for 6 weeks during the transition. They cared for our animals so poorly that 5 of them have died and multiple have infections. When we got back to Idaho, the enclosures were moldy, ALL the animals had a terrible mite infestation, and about half had skin or respiratory infections. Either the sick have responded to the medication and are better now, or they have passed away. We had one baby Boa Constrictor that was still in bad shape this week that I've been trying to treat daily and get her back to health. But this morning she was dead. I cannot help but feel guilty because if I didnt need so much help, we wouldnt have had to leave our animals with someone else. We've decided to sell our business and animals. I'm only keeping a handful of snakes that are my personal pets. This is extremely painful.

Last but not least, for some reason, whether its the doctor's fault or my pharmacists fault, my medication is 4 days late. I NEED the ativan. I cannot sleep without something calming my mind down and taking away the bad thoughts, terrors and panic. The ativan works wonders. It also is used to couple with a narcotic during my horrific pain attacks. Otherwise I land in the ER. I'm still working on getting it today.


Thanks for the vent session guys!

 

[goingonhope]

Somebody's irrational criticism's, insults and hurtful - cruel words..

 

[KP the nut]

We have an emergency phone at work. There are only 3 employees, so we take the phone for a week each. So why is it, that everytime I have it, there is an emergency? The other 2 always say 'oh it never rings'. Yeah, well guess what, it bloody rang for me again today.

We park one of our mini buses at a local day care centre. The centre phoned to ask me to have the bus moved as the last driver had parked it so it blocked a fire exit. :mad::mad:. The driver has parked it loads of times, so why today across a fire exit.

I'm not insured to drive the buses and I don't want to. I had to contact another driver, I had to drive to the office, collect a key and meet the driver at the centre.

AND IT IS RAINING!!!!! AGAIN

 

[NarcSis]

A psychiatrist who'd never heard of EMDR.
A psychiatrist who tells me I need to let go of the past.
A psychiatrist who suggests I take new work perhaps in a factory stacking boxes.
A psychiatrist who referred to my trauma transcript as "a good story", "you should be a writer."
And finally,
A psychiatrist who tells me if I am kinder to myself, this will all just go away.

 

[TLight]

Horse boarder with unreasonable demands chewed my ass off this morning cause I was unable to answer my phone to check and see if her precious show horse was rubbing his tail or not. Poor poor her had to drive all the way out to check.........gee, I had a horse cut up by a fence, was wrapping legs of a horse that has an injury, was lunging another with 'issues', fixing fence. etc. Oh, then I got another ass chewing from her cause I loosened his neck band cause he seemed to be having trouble breathing,.....'don't touch my horse.'''''''''OK........told her if we weren't properly caring for her horse as she deemed fit, perhaps she wants to give notice (YES PLEASE!).
Ten minuties later she did. I said give it in writing please. She wrote up some BS about paying us for what's already past due on July 1, then leaving on July 13 and paying us for what's past due then. Well, 30 day notice given on June 21 makes July 21st right? I don't know.....I guess I have a math degree for something. So I wrote up monies owed, monies paid and when and monies due and when and cc'd an attorney I know and emailed it and posted it on her stall.

per item #7 on contract; "Boarder understands that horse shall not leave owner's premises until all monies owed are paid in full.

But oh no...........she wants to come and 'talk' in the morning. More like 'round the bush manipulation' just as it has been from day one. No talk, go read. Period.

Anger? Well, just not takiing BS anymore.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

A psychiatrist who tells me I need to let go of the past.

It's hard to talk to us. We do need to let go of the past, but saying that can set us off.

A psychiatrist who suggests I take new work perhaps in a factory stacking boxes.

Does the shrink know why that's a bad idea? S/he should know not to say that?

A psychiatrist who referred to my trauma transcript as "a good story", "you should be a writer."

Hard to talk to us. We can be touchy about phrasing.

And finally,
A psychiatrist who tells me if I am kinder to myself, this will all just go away.

Simplistic. Maybe a useful thing to say, just to try in that direction.

 

[AngelaMarie]

Nothing yet. Thank goodness it is quiet today. I hope it stays that way!!!!

 

[Srain]

Angry at myself for not having the words and throwing a few ridiculous platitudes out at my Son who feels his dreams have just been ripped apart. I know better and what I wanted to say is that "it's not fking fair and you have done nothing wrong!" because he hasn't. Okay, I did but toned it down.

I want to feed my old rage and issues of "WHY GOD??!!!" but know this is not about me and truly not useful to my boy who is a man that needs to walk through this with support, not someone fanning his hopelessness and pain. But truth be told, I'm furious that this is happening despite seeing the bigger picture, he and his family do nothing but good things for their community on barely anything while those around them seem to excel.

 

[TLight]

Woman came to the barn this morning when she knew I was alone. Paid her board in full, had me sign a paper and the whole time she was three inches away from my nose:

"You better fu**king take care of my horse for the next 30 days or I'll be on your ass legally."

Yelling and screaming in my face. Walked back into my room a couple of times and wanted to grab the gun, but didn't. Told her she was a master manipulator and the sooner she's gone the better.

Called her husband and said I'd refund contractual monies as long as she leaves ASAP. So she got her way, but better than another 30 days of documenting etc .

Called Sheriff and he had another report on her from the previous barn where she admitted she'd walked out on $1100.

Bitch.

 

[amethist]

The damn Blackbirds.

They have just made off with the last of my cherries and strawberries.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Idiot guy parked on the zebra crossing so he could deliver his dry cleaning to the dry cleaner's opposite. And I ended up shouting. And that makes me angrier because I lost it and looked like a raving lunatic. But I am sick and tired of people stopping on that zebra crossing. It is a zebra crossing, it is there for pedestrians to cross safely. Lots of kids use that crossing.

 

[CraftyCath]

H asked me if he could have the car today as it was forecast to rain and he didn't want to get wet on his bike. I said yes and felt so confined as I would have liked to be at my sisters today and need to shop for a few things.

What do you know, its 15:08 here and I've just looked out my bedroom window to see the car still in the drive!!:mad:

Oh well, best laid plans!