What Made You Angry Today?

[Deleted member 20978]

Been angry with myself all day. For getting angry. And been tied in knots. I don't think anyone can advise me, maybe will write more on it later. I don't like the monster inside. Even when he's got a fair point. Hoping I will keep learning from mistakes and people will keep teaching me.

 

[Neverthesame]

@Cashew I try to keep the pitiable stuff to a minimum. Just my preference. I may still do that, but it's going on it's own thread.

Negotiate? Nope. Bad idea. I wish I was just being dramatic, but no. Anything other than "Yes sir! May I have another? Will suffice. f*cking narcissist.

As for the sleep thing itself. I don't know what to do.

I know I can't keep going like I am. What I am taking doesn't work at all anymore, I don't dare take more of it. I've actually needed to scale it back for a long time now. Benadryl is evil...

This is probably a stupid idea but I have been contemplating getting another script for Prazosin. Despite the tachycardia it gives me. On the other hand, I don't want to risk a myocardial Infarction for some sleep. Then again....

Too much going on in my head. Can't turn it off. Frustrating.

So...

I meant to post this yesterday, but I went off into my own head for a bit. Fell asleep earlier this afternoon. Forgot to turn on the alarm. Late for work. Great, that's all I f*cking needed.

Like I don't have enough to worry about, without giving that asshole boss ammo. That's what pissed me off today. Me.

Bah. Hate feeling like this.

 

[Neverthesame]

But you're doing it now, you're doing it darned well,

I second this.

Since you found out you've been on it like a pitbull.

One of the downsides of having worked ems, is seeing the parents of kids who don't care.

You are not one of those people. I don't have to have met you to know that. You can spot one of those a hundred miles away. No parent is perfect, but the good ones, despite knowing that, try anyway. Just as you're doing.

Keep fighting. It may not seem like it now. But just being there for her is so important. Knowing that her mother believes her, loves her without judgement and is there to fight for her. It's going to mean the world.

 

[Anrish]

Narcistic chief and bureaucracy in authorities....I'm too pragmatic for that stuff....

 

[Ronin]

Stalker & buddies.

On another hand, if it's not worth a bullet, it's not worth thoughts, and this sucker is soo very not worth any investment in. So back to chill, self.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Cruelty masquerading as empathy. Self-righteousness and bullying of every stripe.

 

[goingonhope]

Well understood Jemini. That sorta of thing can be very upsetting. I've felt angry too, very recently, ...and sad with witnessing precisely these dynamics at play. :(

 

[Deleted member 20978]

Yeah well. True. Shoveling our own crap maybe.

 

[Heather]

@Cashew and @Neverthesame Thank you both for your words of support. I cry every day but hearing your words help tremendously.

I love you all for your words of support and encouragement.

Thank you.

 

[Heather]

That time is moving ever so slowly and it increases the pit of anxiety in my stomach.

 

[jaccat]

Not being able to sleep all night and then just dropping off as the alarm clock goes of (and startles the crap out of you). Really, brain?

 

[Deleted member 20978]

My dad saying I was a bad investment and my mom saying I was a burden and having to continue to bear the weight of all of it still in progress, while the rest of the world continues to judge and use me because I let them. Angry that the more I try to give to redeem the sins of the 6 year-old, the more I get walked all over. Angry that the world actually rewards aggression and ambition and self-aggrandisement and punish the meek. Angry that I need to spend so many years silently saying goodbye and moving onwards. Angry that abused always seem to be abusers, no exceptions. Angry that no matter how I express I AM ANGRY AT HOW YOU ARE TREATING ME, I am seen as an asshole. (grateful that healing is real and possible too)

If you think it's about you? Look at your f*cking self and stop blaming me for being angry. (This applies to God and everyone not able to read these forums too, including me. Oh shit am I mad at me?...)