General What Makes Him Think I Should Hold On!

[Vickym]

I don't even know what to say! He wants to leave and get a place of his own. We have been here before but he really means it. So fine he can go.

He thinks he will get better having his own place. Mind you he no longer goes to counceling nor has the desire to. He is in a bad place in his head. There is nothing I can say or do. We all know that.

Anyway Im scrambeling trying to figure out bills on my own getting things put back into my name. Mind you he put our electric in his name back in January in effort to prove to me he was never leaving. Umm I see now were that got me a big bill with a big deposit oh and him moving out. And he doesn't understand why. Says I should leave it in his name.

In my mind after living together for 1 and half years when a person moves out that means its over. It one step closer. I mean he moved out of our bed a long time ago, is no longer intimate with me in any way, half the time wont take my calls. Correct me if Im wrong but I think I got the hint its over right?

If he can't live here now he never will be able to exspecially if hes not getting help anymore. What is he expecting from me?

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Vicky.

I am sorry to read of your situation. Unfortunately your experience is somewhat common with PTSD.

While it must hurt, there is no point being with someone who doesn't want to be there. Let him go with your love and blessings and set your boundaries. You don't want to end up on a roller-coaster ride of emotions.

I agree with you...moving out to me means it is over (or at least the beginning of the end...if what you are after is a fully committed relationship). Do what you need to put things in order but you don't have to make all the decisions today. Be kind to yourself and take care. Talk to your friends, cry as you will and take the time to see what you couldn't see while in the midst of all the emotion. There is good in every relationship and there is a lesson to be learned when it doesn't work. Take that and make your life better for you. :Hug_emoticon:

 

[Claire]

I dont think means its over full stop. It might just mean he cant be with you at the moment.

It's not just about him though. You can make the decision yourself if this is not what you want.

 

[Vickym]

I don't understand all he keeps saying is he didn't think it was going to this way when he left! He says he does'nt want to hurt me! I told him that him leaving is what is hurting me! I just don't understand at this time how we went to having something so beautiful to him walking away!

All I do is cry when he is not here. Seeing him is so hard. I have no one to talk to as no one gets any of this. I wish this was easier to let go and move on only its not.

Loving someone with ptsd is different than any other!

 

[Vickym]

Thanks Nicolette and Claire! I'm just lost and overwhelmed at this time. I don't really know what to think or believe at this time.

I do know that I have to think of my kids as he isn't!

 

[desperate]

Hey Vicky -
Here's what I told my husband a couple of weeks ago....PTSD is not your fault. But at some point, if you refuse to address the problem and at least TRY to do something about it, then it becomes your fault. And I can't be expected to sit around and wait while you feel sorry for yourself instead of fixing the problem. He was angry at first, but after he had a couple of hours to think about it, he seemed a little more lucid. I don't know if this is a typical reaction, as I'm new at this. But I've been told that in order to fully support someone in this position, you have to set some limits. Maybe just sit down and have a short, honest talk with him about getting back into therapy, or at least doing SOMETHING to try and help himself? I hate to say this, but if he has no desire to help himself, you may be better off without him.
Hope this helps. Don't assume I know what I"m talking about, since I have NO CLUE what I'm talking about. But if it worked for my husband, it may possibly work for your guy as well.

 

[Nicolette]

PTSD is not your fault. But at some point, if you refuse to address the problem and at least TRY to do something about it, then it becomes your fault. And I can't be expected to sit around and wait while you feel sorry for yourself instead of fixing the problem.

I love this Desperate....have some reputation from me for a good suggestion :thumbs-up

 

[Vickym]

Hi Desperate,

You are right! I told my boyfriend in counceling one time that he started to use ptsd as an excuse for everything. His doctor asked me for examples and agreed with me. So did his pain clinic doctor.

I told him I cant help him all I can do is support him he has to help himself.

Yesterday i made it clear to him that when he leaves he cant come back. Im not having it we have my 2 kids and 1 of his sons involved in this. I have to look out for all of us as he is unable to handle the stress of that.

No one at the Va is able to talk to me because he put a stop to that but I am able to text his nurse. I told her several things but I told her that I have told my bf that once he leaves he can't ever come back. I told her the thought of him leaving is breaking not just my heart but the kids hearts as well. I told her I wouldn't put them through that.

She sure did call him asap. He has been thinking about it I can tell. I told her he needs counceling not moving out and further more if he can't handle it here now after 1 year and 9 months he wont ever be able to.

So yes your advise is good advice it just took me time to clear my head and be strong and say what I mean.

 

[Nicolette]

It's really sad what PTSD does to relationships. :rolleyes:

 

[Vickym]

Nicolette,

That it is! He even knows hes not right with his thinking. Make rash decision purchasing expensive un necessary items.

The sadest part is when they can't listen to you as a carer the one they are closest to! When Im saying you need counceling it helped you before and he is so lost in his mind somewhere that he can't see it. Or even sees it as a chore to have to drive 30 minutes each way every week to do it.

What we had is beautifull he tells me he misses it and wants it back yet he doesn't know how to get it back. As if the ptsd and his fear of me hurting are holding him back. Well I'm the one hurt in the mean time. Hurt because he wont or can't help himself.

The suffer has to be willing to help themselves we can only support them. Its something that they have to want not just say they want. Stop spending so much time thinking about it do it. If a suffer truely wants to get better they have to make the commitment to getting better. Its very hard for them to believe that someone cares to help them even scares them as they don't feel they deserve help or even to be loved!

 

[amethist]

Hi Vickym

I am sorry this has happened. Stay strong for you and your children, and put you all first for a while. Maybe in a while you will be able took look back and say " I did the best I could. but now I will do the the best for me and mine"

Take care and keep posting even if it just to scream.

Amethist

 

[Vickym]

I am finding that I am so stressed because one minute he is leaving the next he doesn't know. He is very confused and lost so lost he is becoming mean to me. Im just trying to figure out the bill situation if he leaves me high and die in two weeks.

Should I not talk about it and wait for him? Should I try to talk about other things maybe positives? Like nothing moving or relationship related. I want to make it easy for him but I need answers to.

At this point I can't believe how angry he is. I feel he is mean to me and he is trying to put it all on me. He even said he is tired of people using and taking advantage of him. I was in total shock because I have never done either.

He also said he is tired of having to tell me were he is going. I'm not sure what thats about either we have always told each other where we are going. Am I missing something.

Please help!