General What Makes Him Think I Should Hold On!

[Vickym]

I can't believe this! His miserable mother is behind some of this. Its not just his ptsd.

She has been causing problems for months now. She has been no support to him and he will be the first to tell you that. She plays him and his older sister against each other all the time. Ugh its awfull!

Well his step dad past away back in November and she left herself and his little sister all the money. They get social security. You would think she would get a job.

Nope why when she has been talking to my bf behind my back and trying to get him to buy a house so they can all live in it together. Did I mention he would be the one paying for it.

I guess that leaves me in the dust. He hasn't even stood up to her about us because he doesn't want to dis respect her. Call me crazy but its been a year and 9 months. Im his longest relationship. Not to mention the only one that has stood by his side.

She doesn't even get ptsd nor care that he has problems. She has told him to get over it and get off the meds. She dumps all her drama on him.

I can't believe this is happening or happend behind my back. I wish he would stop looking for something he is never ever going to get from her.

In a way I feel like why didn't he tell her we have our own plans? I am very hurt.

 

[amethist]

Hi Vickym

I understand totally where you are with this.

My hubby and i have been together and married for nearly 9 years now, and with this ptsd thing for nearly 2. Unfortunately she still will not except how ill he has been and still is. At 1 point i had to tell her not to ring him moaning about all her aches and pains, she has 2 daughters she can do that to. His mother is a really strong women when she wants to be, you know the old matriark type who's word is law and all that, but completely the opposite when she demands attention.

Luckily she also understand that he would probably not be here now if it were not for me and for some reason knows and excepts that bit, so backs off when i answer the phone.

With the situation you are in it is going to be a tough nut to crack without his support.

Can you find the strength to let him go, but maybe if he can then see what is going on, you could both sit and talk somewhere neutral and lay some ground rules. This way you could both step back and try again from a different point, it's not much i know but it might work. But also making sure that you put your own life back together for YOU not him or anyone else just YOU.

Best wishes and look after YOU

Amethist

 

[Vickym]

Hi Amethist,

He says with all this time he has been spending away he sees what his mom is doing.

If he buys a house with her for her whatever it may be it truely is over between us! We had plans and are one year away from getting a house together. If he does it for her we will never be able to get one.

Stength? Yes I am strong and have it but you have to put your foot down somewhere. I mean call me crazy but a year and 9 months is a long time with someone that has ptsd. The road we have traveled has been a bumpy one.

Why he goes back for more from his mom I will never understand. Just the other day she called him several times to complain and yell about how much she hates the computer she wanted him to buy for her. She actually paid for it but he went and got it and saved her the tax. Anyway she was screaming all sorts at him. Yet another day ruined because he cant believe it. Now she want money back and he can stick the computer.....

I cant take it she is a total user and all about what can you buy me. She is jealous of me and what my bf and I have. She minipulates he ways of thinking to make her seem right. I have seen it for months now. I cant believe a mother wont let her son be happy. I have never ever seen anything like this. And Im not about to compete with his mother.

She makes me miss my mother all the more and value what a great mother I had.

 

[amethist]

Hi Vyckm

This may sound daft but.

You say she manipulates him into doing what she wants, and i think that is a big part of the problem. It sounds like she doe's it because she can, if you get the idea of that and until he steps back and stops giving in to her, unfortunately you are never going to get him to see it.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but have you ever heard the saying,

" The love between a mother and son is like a love affair without the intimacy "

Sound weired i know but i have seen it so many times in the past.

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place with this.

Look after yourself first I know it is hard for you but you have to leave him to it for now.

Best wishes

Amethist

 

[Vickym]

Well last week I broke things off with him. I was and still am heart broken. Nothing he says to me makes any sense. I love him with all my heart but a person can only put in so much effort and get nothing back for so long. We were together for 1 year and 9 months.

We are living together as room mates for 2 months till we straighten money matters out. Its the hardest thing I am doing. Im going to miss him but now I dont have to look to him for attention and get shot down.

He has been mad because we didn't talk to him. This made no sence to me because before I broke it off I was lucky if he would answer the phone for me or the kids. We don't call him anymore or text him. Hes not too happy about that either. If he text me I respond.

I have also told him I will only take to him if he is not going to argue with me. I have no time for it and can't believe I ever argued with him in the first place. Somehow I was always the bad one. The dumping station.

I was tired of him taking off for a couple days at time with his friend then still not making time for me or us. He wasn't putting anything into us and I can't live like that.

His friend became number one and I became no one. In my heart I wished he would have gotten help. I wish I didn't have to let go but I got the hint.

For some reason he hasn't told anyone we broke up this I don't get since he had been looking for this to happen.

 

[Shoka]

Vicky,

I'm sorry for your pain, but I admire your decision to take care of yourself.
No matter how hard it's been with him, break ups are a loss in someone's life that have to be mourned.

Thinking of you

Shoka

 

[amethist]

Hi Vickym,

I am sorry it has come to this for you, but a least you can stand hold your head up and say " I tried but it made no difference"

Him not telling anyone you broke up could be because he does not want to admit or explain that it was his fault. You know the macho thing wont always admit when they are in the wrong.

Take care of yourself.

Amethist

 

[Vickym]

Thanks Shoka and Amethist!

Each day is hard for me harder then it was when I was in the relationship! I wake up every day sick to my stomache. Today Im trying to stop looking back. I left him all the cards he ever gave me on his computer. I can't go back and read them anymore. All it does is confuse me to think why write such beautiful things if you didn't mean them.

Its hard being his room mate for now. But you know I don't have to wait for a phone call or wonder if today he will spend with me. I don't text or call him anymore. That I had to ween myself from before I broke it off. If he text me I respond and I answer the phone. We never really talk in person anymore.

Trust me in my heart I wish he would wake up and say stop I don't want this to end. The reality is he wont not unless he get help. I did all I could I know I did.

In the end I have to think of my kids. They are so hurt its killing me. The sadness inside them. None of us really understand but it is what it is!

He is now 9 days away from his 4 year anniversay date of the ied bomb. He is struggling! He text me and said war is hard but coming home is even harder! I feel his pain! Even though I will never truely know what he went through I feel his pain.

 

[amethist]

Hi Vickym

Hang in there you will make it through this. It might not feel like it right now but you will.

Many years ago when i kicked my first husband out i was told it would take me 2 years before i felt like my old self again. Just past the 2 year mark i met someone else, not who i am with now but a nice guy who taught me to be some of the things that i am now, not sure if that's good or bad lol.

I know it is really hard for you and yours just now but try not to worry about him because he certainly ain't worrying about you by the sounds of it. Look to your future if you possibly can.

I really hope you can get yourself through this without much more heart ache.

Take care of you and your children

Amethist

 

[Nicolette]

I feel for you Vicky. How long until he moves out? Living as room mates doesn't sound like a good idea for you if you ask me. :rolleyes:

 

[Vickym]

We will be living together for 2 more months. At this point it is what we have to do money wise to make things right. Most of the time he is gone anyway.

He was leaving for a couple of days at a time before I broke things off. I guess now he is looking into getting help. This weekend he is gone because his mom is in town and he is trying to avoid her.

Room mates isn't that bad there is no more relationship stress. Im not waiting for a phone call or text. He is the one that misses the calls and text now strange how that works out.

 

[Shoka]

I agree with Nicolette, the roommate thing sounds not so great. It would be hard for me to really make a clean cut from someone I loved if they were physically still around. I understand with the economy the way it is, sometimes people have limited choices. I really understand that fact.....
Hang in there and don't get lulled back when he starts saying he misses you. It's a tricky situation.