What Makes You Angry Today?

[Friday]

I know I'll feel better tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that. So why the f*ck doesn't that help today? Why does knowing almost make it worse. Just can't stand myself today. Or yesterday. Or probably tomorrow.

But seriously... why the f*ck is 'nothing' the hardest f*cking thing I've ever done? Just sit thought the rage, let it burn. Just sit through the despair. Let it hurt. Just close my eyes, and don't move, and don't move and don't move. Just let it burn and burn and burn.

 

[Kaishi]

Today, a friend of mine. Spectacularly. I'm responsible for this chick, on top of her being a friend of mine. She's messing up with the wrong people, for the wrong reasons, and then acts as if expecting me to sort it for her - heck and I know I just will because she herself won't. I'm tired of that shit. I'm tired that my being super polite with her doesn't even tell her how pissed off I am. When I stop casually cursing like sailor, I'm usually deadly pissed off.

 

[atilla]

I don't know whats going on today at work, but everybody is kissing my ass, walking on eggshells around me. I don't know why, but i think another worker or somebody, may have told them i have ptsd. Everybody keeps asking me if i'm ok. WTF, i feel now that i look like some freak or look like i'm batshit crazy. I try, as do all of us to find some degree of a normal existence, with the beast, but now i'm paranoid about what my co-workers think of me. Not that I care what anyone thinks, I'm just trying to have a normal f*cking job, with a normal f*cking life as best i can. It's embarrasing when people you dont want to think your psycho, treat you like you could blow a fuse any minute. I honestly dont think i have done anything or acted any particular way to warrent people asking me if i'm ok all the time. Who knows, maybe i have...

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Hey atilla, you did not forget an ware one of your tee's to work, that says something like "I want to kill something today!" or maybe "f*ck with me and your dead!" Did you???? ;):):D:D:D

J R

 

[Kaishi]

Yeah Atilla, get how annoying that gets. I had a time in life i just answered that with 'no I'm hulking out' or some of that other 'hero' nonsense that just got them to eyeroll and stop asking. But then I had 'silly chick' going for me, don't think that'd work with guys. ;/

 

[holdenmonty]

Today I came home to find a whole box of cheerios scattered all over the floor and my sons cowboy hat which he loves by the way and is going to be a cowboy for Halloween was all chewed up with my dog trying to hide as soon as I saw the cheerios... I almost lost it when I saw my sons cowboy hat... that was an expensive hat to it cost 30 dollars and he would wear that hat just about every single place and hardly ever takes it off. We got it at a rodeo we went to this summer and he has been all about cowboys ever since. That dog will never get to roam free around the house anymore when we aren't there. He does good with his kennel so that is where he will be when we aren't at the house either in his kennel and when it's nice outside he will be in the yard. Damn dog I was so pissed. I lost it and started yelling and swearing so much the neighbor next door in the duplex house came and asked if everything was ok.

 

[atilla]

Hey atilla, you did not forget an ware one of your tee's to work, that says something like "I want to kill something today!" or maybe "f*ck with me and your dead!" Did you???? ;):):D:D:D

J R

Lmfao...no ODG...but i think i will tomorrow. :)

 

[Grizzly]

I don't know whats going on today at work, but everybody is kissing my ass, walking on eggshells around me. I don't know why, but i think another worker or somebody, may have told them i have ptsd. Everybody keeps asking me if i'm ok. WTF, i feel now that i look like some freak or look like i'm batshit crazy. I try, as do all of us to find some degree of a normal existence, with the beast, but now i'm paranoid about what my co-workers think of me. Not that I care what anyone thinks, I'm just trying to have a normal f*cking job, with a normal f*cking life as best i can. It's embarrasing when people you dont want to think your psycho, treat you like you could blow a fuse any minute. I honestly dont think i have done anything or acted any particular way to warrent people asking me if i'm ok all the time. Who knows, maybe i have...

Hopefully nobody knows brother and its your paranoia acting up.

But in the event people do know. Take it as a sign to educate them if necessary. This may work to your advantage. I worried when I went full disclosure a few months ago. Seems nothing really changed. And like someone here pointed out. They can't do shit anyway. I could've become a real prick and began requesting "reasonable accommodations" as illustrated under the ADA. I won't, cause it's not my way.

It will bother you that a weakness has been exposed. That's how I looked at it. But who cares. You never asked for this. It's out of our control bro. The beast is trying to make it bother you. Don't let it!

 

[atilla]

Roger that Bro. I guess I was paranoid, but you know how it is man. None of us like being asked if were ok beyond the first time. I got to the point today that I wanted to say"f*ck no I aint okay, got the rest of the day for me to uselessly attempt, to begin to explain, why Im not okay". I curbed that thought though.

 

[Grizzly]

Roger that Bro. I guess I was paranoid, but you know how it is man. None of us like being asked if were ok beyond the first time. I got to the point today that I wanted to say"f*ck no I aint okay, got the rest of the day for me to uselessly attempt, to begin to explain, why Im not okay". I curbed that thought though.

Makes me think of the Pulp Fiction quote where Marcellus says "I'm pretty f*ckin far from OK." One day I will get to legitimately quote that epic line to someone.

 

[atilla]

lol..thanks for the laugh Bro...needed that..yep, pulp fiction has some awesome quotes, dont forget FMJ either.

 

[Friday]

WTFO??? :eek:

My phone just lit up like Christmas, buzzing, and blaring... Big old red flashing screen w EMERGENCY ALERT!!! EMERGENCY ALERT!!!

Chaseus. Click. Okay. Not an emergency. At least not my emergency. Amber Alert. f*ck. Breathe. Since when did I opt into that? Well forget about bedtime. I was seriously just about to drift off. Wide awake, now.