What Makes You Angry Today?

[CyclePath]

Not crazy, but maybe not exactly good. I used being a workaholic to avoid facing my issues and I did it to the extreme for about 10 years. Then I crashed as I began prepping for retirement. Kinda like the flight of Icarus I guess. Now my mind is full of unprocessed B.S. from my service, my spirituality is in question, and my body is broken. I find myself with a full time job trying to figure all this out. Pretty sure that you're in a different situation than me though, so @Grizzly is right - strive for an equitable balance.

Now what brought me to the anger thread today is my body. Just did a one month evaluation at P.T. today and it's as I feared. Sessions have been 3 times a week for 1.5hrs each and still no progress. My right calf just doesnt work right and I cannot do ONE SINGLE calf raise, not one. I cant even lower myself down from a raised position with my right foot. I just kinda plunk right down on my heel. It feels like when you try to turn your eyes all the way around, it just aint happening, nothings there to do it. Also struggling to do walking lunges for 50ft because of balance/weakness issues. Right knee extensions, no laughing now, I can barely do 3 sets of 10 w/ 20lbs, barely. The shaking in my leg makes me laugh because it just shouldnt be happening. On top of that my sciatica & lower back pain is through the roof from all the P.T. VA rating for these is at 10% for the calf and 20% for my back/leg. I'm pissed, but at least I still have a leg and I can walk; I know plenty that don't/can't. For the most part I just wish I could control the pain. Then again, I used to be a badass and now there's a few days each month when I can barely tie my shoes. This sucks.

-rant complete-

Now im laughing because some of you tried to turn your eyes all the way around. That is how it feels though.

 

[vikingr24]

At least you are laughing, buddy. Don't let that go away.

 

[CyclePath]

@vikingr24 I have to. The alternative gets me nowhere.

Which is strange given that my new therapist told me today that I need to embrace my anger. I told her that anger clouds my judgment and leads to bad decisions and that I have been trained to control it because of that. Clarity of thought has kept me alive for >20 deployments to countless shitholes. She then told me that anger is going to be a major part of releasing/processing many of my experiences. So much for logic.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Idk about that, maybe she means to channel it into something like a exercise idk punching bag. I don't see her point with that either.
I try my best to follow this guideline, "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." - Proverbs 29:11
But I have struggled with anger for awhile now lol.

 

[Grizzly]

Anger...Anger...Anger...

Something I've yet to harness and control. Sure I can take a pill. and feel numb about everything else. My son has begun to see me rage out and there is transference. It bothers me because I'm sure I've caused it.

HaHAHA...The other morning he shot off at me with a smart ass comment (like most 10 year olds) and I caught myself explode and nearly screamed out "Get down and beat your f*cking face!" Which most of us have had that screamed at us at some point. So as the drill Sgt. in me made me chuckle a little so all was good. I still made him give me 10!

 

[CyclePath]

Anger hasn't really been a big issue for me. At least that's what I've always thought. I typically recognize that I am getting mad and supress it in order to think clearly. That is what I have been trained to do; think with clarity at all costs. Replaying today's meeting with her I think she said that my method of ignoring emotions, such as anger/fear/loss, was a big factor in my denial and subsequent overworking/self-medicating distractors. Pretty sure she wants me to somehow embrace my anger a little more construcively (as she sees it). I have blown up with my family a few times though, but thats usually only when my hypervig is peaked or I am withdrawing.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Ah I see. Makes sense yea. There's usually a few things that in suppression it builds until finally an outburst of aggression explodes for something that seems minuscule to those experiencing it at the time lol. I think about so much shit daily that I gotta catch myself but I'm getting good at recognizing the triggers quickly afterword.

 

[Raven]

The man broke the glass on my e-cigarette tank. It was screwed on too tightly, and I asked him to brute strength it off, but he decided to use pliers, which slipped, and broke the glass.

"Why are you angry at me? I'm trying to help you."

I don't see how breaking my shit is helpful.

I'd rather just be in a relationship with myself than deal with other people and their shitty opinions and shitty baggage. Bringing other people into my life just causes stress that I don't need. When will I learn?

 

[Raven]

Anti-choice veterans.

Collateral damage is collateral damage.

You don't get to pick and choose which collateral damage to be at peace with.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

The country is divided. Orchestrated chaos.
I don't watch the news but from what pops up I see their plans of Chaos & Division are in full effect.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Anti-choice veterans.

Collateral damage is collateral damage.

You don't get to pick and choose which collateral damage to be at peace with.

Are you referring to an un-born child as collateral damage? How bout get your ass on birth control use a condom an keep your legs closed?
See women these days are out of control. They have no self control. Ya'll need to turn off the f*cken TV it's rotted your brains. Straight up.
Showing you nothing but fornication an vanity with perversion an abominations. It's the way to "tune in" to the satanic entertainment industries overall goal to ruin your lives. Making you unappreciative and consuming shit you don't need and isn't healthy for you. Or do "What thou wilt" but keep that plastic shit away from me.

 

[Raven]

Are you referring to an un-born child as collateral damage? How bout get your ass on birth control use a condom an keep your legs closed?
See women these days are out of control. They have no self control. Ya'll need to turn off the f*cken TV it's rotted your brains. Straight up.
Showing you nothing but fornication an vanity with perversion an abominations. It's the way to "tune in" to the satanic entertainment industries overall goal to ruin your lives. Making you unappreciative and consuming shit you don't need and isn't healthy for you. Or do "What thou wilt" but keep that plastic shit away from me.

I read somewhere that contraception failure accounts for almost (or perhaps just over) half of all abortions.