What Should I Write?

[littlelostchild]

@FridayJones what a terrific plan!

@JEKBreatheandBelieve will your grounding techniques help you when the boys get loud? It is so awesome that you have the self-awareness and motivation to give your boys a different experience than you had. Good luck with the cards.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@littlelostchild - I have a hard time learning grounding techniques. I have a huge issue with right/wrong and learning coping strategies is hard for me because of it. The cards is the first idea that actually seems like it might help me. I just have to find the right things for the right times. This is the first one I am trying out so we'll see how it goes. The boys will give me plenty of chances to try it out, I am sure!

 

[littlelostchild]

@JEKBreatheandBelieve I woke up with an idea for you, maybe nonsense, but here it is - is there a smell that you associate with caring deeply for your boys (like baby powder, a laundry detergent, etc? Since our sense of smell is so powerful, could you use this along with your cards to help you when you need them?

Just a thought.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@littlelostchild - I will have to think about that. Scents can be really powerful, I agree. Thanks for sharing your idea.

 

[KwanYingirl]

JEK-your boys are at ages that require so much attention, positive and negative. It's how they'll learn the skills to get through life. Arguments happen. They just do especially if you're dealing with a toddler and 5 year old.

Did you happen to see a post for a DBT technique called DEAR MAN. You can google it too but it's a blue print for conflict resolution .

Soon will come the days that the boys will be in sports and they'll come home hungry and tired and the house will be peaceful. Well they'll roughhouse cuz they're boys but generally speaking sports have so many benefits.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

My therapist told me to keep a PTSD diary (you can find them on the Internet and print them off) and write down each trigger, what it reminds you off and how much in percentage it bothers you. I do this a lot as I have a lot of things to seriously think about. My memory is going and I'm thinking that I'm going to have to go on disability which is going to bother me terribly. I don't want to go on that but with my memory going but my seeing ability ramping up, I'm not understanding what is going on. I can't concentrate on what I'm reading, I mean, things are just not right and I'm scared about what this is doing to me.
I'm looking into disability right now. I don't know how I'm going to do this but this is the only way I can explain what is going on.

Heather

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Ladyghosthunter - I have never heard of a PTSD diary. I will have to look into that. I journal a lot already and I recently made a list of all of the things I could think of that trigger me- it's long, and I know it's not complete.

I have trouble with my memory, too. Perhaps not as bad as you are describing, but enough so I can relate. I am a teacher and last year I would stare at one of my students until they finally said their name and I was like "Um, yeah, I knew that" but in the moment I didn't. I have never had problems remembering things so this is new. And I only had 10 students so it's not like I had a lot of names to memorize. I forget a lot of other things too. Even my son says "Mom, you forget everything". Good luck with your journey. I know that some people take time off, go on disability, and try to get back to a place where they can function better. Sometimes I think that way is the best way. Good luck with your decisions.

 

[KwanYingirl]

Do you think your forgetting or are you dissociating? You mentioned you were staring at they student. Staring is my clue that I've checked out. Having said that, my friends call me Forgetful Jones, a beloved muppet who forgets everything

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@KwanYingirl - Thankfully, I don't dissociate very often, if at all when teaching. At least not the totally checked out, staring off into space kind of way. I would be looking at them to call on them or get their attention and then blank out on the name. They got used to it and would eventually figure out that I was staring at them that way because I had forgotten the name I wanted.

 

[littlelostchild]

How does the ptsd effect your teaching @JEKBreatheandBelieve ?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@littlelostchild - For the most part it doesn't affect my actual teaching. I am a bit more forgetful with words, but I have gotten by. If the class was particularly off and I couldn't immediately regain their attention, I would often get the horrible drowning sensation. That would alert me to get a peppermint (a calming thing for me) and then reassess the situation.

That said, it did affect my ability to stay at school or even come in. I had a total of 18 absences last year and probably 12 were directly related to PTSD. I also probably had about 5-8 shorter absences during the school day- either first thing in the morning or right after lunch. These were times when something triggered me before school or at lunch and I couldn't pull out of it in time to go back. Sometimes I was just in such a bad spot some mornings that I couldn't keep myself distracted enough before the kids arrived and I would "lose it" and need to start late. Luckily, my students had their specials (art, music...) first thing so it gave me a little more time to re-group.

The absences hurt my reputation this past year because of one parent spreading the word that I was "unfit" because I wasn't there "all the time". I never shared what was going on, only that I had health issues to take care of. My principal has rearranged my schedule for next year as a result of that so that if I have to be out, it will only affect the kids for half of the day. I'll teach one group in the morning and the other in the afternoon. It's gotten my scared that since this is an evaluation year I won't be able to keep my job, but I am pretty determined to so we'll see.

Sorry if that doesn't answer your question enough or answers it way too much!

 

[littlelostchild]

Thanks for your answer. It sounds like you have good plans in place.