What to do about therapy/psychiatrist

[blackemerald1]

Answering your questions, i can only say no to all of them.

I just saw this^^ I suggest you add these questions to your list of things to discuss with the therapist.

 

[Abstract]

What happens other than suicidal thoughts post EMDR? What does a day in your life look like then? What is the thought process around the suicidal thoughts? Not the how but rather the why. What does your thought stream look like then.

 

[LilyRose]

Can you use your computer or start a diary here and print it out or email it to her each week? Are...

I have started a diary here but it's a bit of a mess. I can do it on a computer, but i meant more i find it hard to find the words and say what i feel. Mostly about my thoughts or if i am being triggered. I can say i am tired, but not always why. I've been keeping the ptsd stuff for my self not telling anyone about it. So i tend to go through it, and then move on trying to forget untill it happens again. Not sure if this makes sense.

Yeah i know i need to do that. I am holding back because my doc keeps telling me i am avoiding and putting up my walls. He sees everything i do or say as ptsd behavior so i don't want to make it worse. I used to be sure about what i needed and could do. But i am not anymore. They kind of broke me that way.

I don't think you're harsh. You are right. It's one of the reasons i am thinking about the meds to replace it.

I will keep hating them ;)
:hug:

 

[LilyRose]

What happens other than suicidal thoughts post EMDR? What does a day in your life look like then? What...

That is a hard question.
It's not really emdr related, i have barely done emdr and i didn't even get into any memories. It started before emdr.
But i've been feeling very low. Like it all doesn't matter anymore. There is no light at the end of the tunnel, i've been having major crashes everytime i try to build up a little. I've lost myself, my career, friends, hobbies and more. I am tired and done. I can't handle another crash. Right now i am not working, i can barely take care of the house or myself. I started having a lot of anxiety attacks, anger outbursts, hyper vigilance is very high, nobody should touch me without warning or come close as everyone is a threat, and dissociation in which i have done some dangerous stupid stuff. I've been missing time and zoning out, no focus at all, memory sucks, trouble thinking straight, it's all a mess, I don't sleep much. What i am thinking? I don't want this anymore. I want the pain to stop and i don't care how. This will never get better enough to be able to function normally, like i want it.

Not sure if this answers your question.
(i am not in any danger atm)

 

[blackemerald1]

This will never get better enough to be able to function normally, like i want it.

Hey @LilyRose ^^^ that is wrong. I know it doesn't help to be told this by a complete stranger, over the internet, but I know it to be simply wrong. :hug:

I know this because I have been in the state you described ^^^ and I understand how desperate you are feeling. Your feelings are valid and likely come from your traumatic experience and so far, failed or inadequate treatment. But don't despair LilyRose.

You can begin to function better and you can regain much of what you now consider too broken or irretrievable. It is not all lost. It won't be exactly the same life as you had before. Maybe in some ways it will be better and of course in some ways it will not. That is the tragedy of being a trauma survivor. But survive you will. Do not lose hope LilyRose!

Depression medication, once you take it consistently and at the same time each day, should kick in (if it is the correct one as I explained in a previous post) within 14 days or so. So there is hope for that.

Anxiety medication, there are a few that work quite well. You may need a some anxiety medication to settle down your obviously acute symptoms so life can be just a little bit more tolerable. Anxiety when it is extreme is just dreadful. I think what you are describing ^^above is anxiety too.

As I said in a previous post you may have to be on medication for quite a long time but you can kick them to curb when they have done their job. :hug:

Therapy is a hugely important component in combination with medications and it should bring about results that right now you just cannot see.

Once you do start to feel better making positive steps to return to the work force, up-skill by study or retraining, if you can no longer work in the same industry or career you had prior to the trauma, are so important.

There is life after ptsd LilyRose. I am not a big shining example of that but I think in many ways I am ok. I was just like you are now and if I don't keep working at it...I can quickly end up in a mess. I hope it helps to know that there is a way forward.

Many of your former lifestyle patterns can be re-established but some will not. Making progress towards goals that you set will help immensely. Just being able to make goals is a great change in how you think and feel!

Therapy treatment has to be the right kind for you. Rather than EMDR - have you had CBT? Whatever the treatment, it needs to be consistent and it is incredibly hard work on your side. Nothing good comes easily I am afraid.

I think it is so incredibly unfair that ptsd demands such a long and difficult haul to claw back some sanity and ability to function. However then I reconsider, and think at least it is possible! And I want to stress that to you Lily - it really is possible but you do have to start your recovery by making sure you get treatment and keep advocating for yourself.

If one treatment/medication does not work this does not mean 'you' are a failure. Something will but you have to be open and willing to look for it, ask for it and ignore the idiots that laugh and put you down. Mental health is just as important as physical health and you do not have to cringe when trying to ask for treatment options that you would like to try. I appreciate you are in a small country but don't waste your time over small minds too.There is light at the end of that tunnel you are in.:)

There are lots of different treatments and they all have their good and not so good aspects. Some you may find work brilliantly and others..well toss them and move on. It is not acceptable that you be in this terrible state of mind and you can change this Lily. :hug:

 

[LilyRose]

Hey @LilyRose ^^^ that is wrong. I know it doesn't help to be told this by a co...

I know there can be life after ptsd. But they can't take away my tbi problems. And those are a big part of the problem.
I tried, i really did but i can't see it anymore. And i hate it.

I am really tired and can't think right now, but thank you. :hug: