What To Do About X-mas

[kimberley dawn]

Adjuba raised a good question as she introduced herself; what to do on x-mas when we want to be with our family on that day but know it will trigger all our buttons.

I will stay her at home with my dogs.

 

[Kairos]

I dont know but I won't dig a hole for myself......I wrote about my Family Christmas trauma in the story threads..

I think self protection is the priority

I am wishing I had some dogs to stay at home with....
Maybe it's just me and my inner dogs!!!!

 

[Kairos]

I am feeling such a longing to be with my family and have it work out!!!!
I wish there was a way I could know I was safe!
I wish I could know I was strong enough to hold myself and take care of myself if it all goes wrong again.

I feel more pressure and desire to go because it is probably my dads last Christmass.

 

[Lisa]

My experiences of Christmas have been that it is really hard to make the first 'break' (in the chain of difficult Christmasses) and decide to spend it differently instead. I have been torn between wanting 'to make it work', hoping 'it won't be so bad this year', and being in a kind of knowing denial of needing 'not to lose the illusion of family'.

I had to do it gradually. I kept going back to my home town, but began spending part of Christmas Day with friends. Then almost the whole day. This year will be my first year where I have made that 'break'. But I had to really suffer last year to know that no matter how much I try to make it otherwise, it really is in my best interests to not put myself through it. For me it took that before I felt I could make a decision that is right for me. I'm spending Christmas with my partner, and I'm not visiting family at all until after New Year, where I will organise a 'get together' myself, with selected family members only. This year I will not end up in a helpless, suicidal, sobbing mess.

 

[Kairos]

I can relate especially to the last bit...! Having said that I have had a few years of Christmas without family...I have broken that sense that I have to go...for me its a longing to try again...and perhaps revisit the denial...or really was very traumatic last time i went but mixed in was some good times...its been a very long time,many years since I was with my whole family.

.I dont have a partner and I am very lonely...I guess thats part of the problem..I dont fancy any of the alternatives! I am feeling very lonely just at the thought of being on my own again...or even being with friends...I feel like i go a little crazy just thinking about it!

 

[Lucycat]

Well, that's it over and done with for this year.

Has anybody started shopping for the next one yet? :confused:

 

[therapybankrupt]

This is the first Christmas I want to keep a low profile. Change in plans one of my children want to come and stay a few days. I said yes. I am very worried I can do this. I am going through intense therapy. As a result I am not well. I never want anyone to know my issues. I hope I can suck it up in time and smile through the holidays.

 

[Lucycat]

I too am anxious already about Christmas fast approaching again.

My life blew up just a few days before Christmas 3 years ago. I spent that Christmas out of my tree and thinking I was mad.

Since then we have had other Christmas holiday disasters, with a burst pipe flooding our house. And this time last year my Grandfather past away, and then 2 weeks after Christmas I took an overdose.

I find I can not think about Christmas, I cannot make decisions about gifts and I don't want to send cards - although I will do it. Eventually. Laura asked me if I want a day's Christmas shopping with her in the city. She did not really understand why I said no, although I have tried to explain. I hope ultimately Rory will help me get through it.

We are not planning to have any visitors to stay - just maybe friends from along the road for Christmas Dinner if they want to join us.

I am trying hard not to let this get on top of me. In all other respects I am doing so well, but I do worry that Christmas will trip me up.

 

[anndeb]

I remember many years ago when my journey was newer, spending Christmases alone even rather than go with family or others who were more traditionally a part of my old Christmas season.. I even would tell myself 'Christmas is just another day' and trying to treat it as another ordinary day. One I would try to make the best one I could but no more than I did on any day of the year.

It was not an easy road for me for sure, but I found it worked fairly well. I learned to do the things that gave me true pleasure and drop the stuff that was a burden, or that I discovered I really didn't want to do. And in the meantime I met others who shared good time with me and made new traditions for myself. Not easy but doable I found. Good luck everyone who struggles this time of year.

 

[rainbow1]

I usually spend xmas at my parents house and we go and spend some of the day with my sister and her children. However, my sister has become extremely selfish, rude and increasingly difficult to be around. She has cut me out of her and her children's life. I fear the relationship between us is now beyond repair. I am dreading what will happen this xmas as the children will expect to see me and I want to see them, but I fear I won't be welcome.

 

[anndeb]

((rainbow)) how difficult family can be at times.. I feel for you. And it can be especially hard when children are involved. I wish you the best.

 

[Chrissyy]

I'm spending Christmas on a beach :) I hope you all manage to work out some way to enjoy Christmas no matter how you choose to spend it.