What To Do With Fear/hate/resentment

[VioletButterfly]

Just wondering what you guys do with this when seeking to come to terms with former relationships with abusers. We can't shoulder these emotions as they kill the soul. Any tips? It also keeps me from trusting newbies as I expect them to fill the same spots in my life. I know life is all about risk and choice, but I'm trying to start reaching out, but am terrified.

This is especially true in terms of employment. My therapist offers no hope. I fill like I'm spinning the roulette wheel. Heck, what can we do? Do you see any traits that trigger you that you're dealing with a narcissist/abusive person?

Tks. VB

 

[shimmerz]

Do you see any traits that trigger you that you're dealing with a narcissist/abusive person?

I watch everything I can on YouTube about Narcs and sociopaths. I understand what to look for now.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Thank you. I'd never thought about that. My current T just says you can't tell until it's too late. YouTube is awesome! VB

 

[Friday]

Generally, I decide whether or not to kill them. If they're not worth killing? They're still dead to me. :D It is in everybody's best interest, however, for them not to remind me they're still breathing. Because then I have to go and decide all over again, and that's just wearing. An exceptionally small number of people are worth the jail time. Makes them even more pathetic, really. That their life isn't even worth one day of my being confined? Pitiful.

 

[Ronin]

Not out of masochism, but I try to see the world from their point of view. I'm usually happy when I'm not able to. What a whacky world. I prefer my variant of screwed up feelings, yet full of feelings for other people. Sucks to be them. Plus that brand of loser isn't worth my life. That life I'm rebuilding when as far away from them as possible.

 

[Ocean5]

narcissist

Narcissist, Sociopaths. Whatever you want to call it. Been dealing with this since childhood. Learned to trust my instincts and gut. It says run - get person out of my life --- I do that. Maybe that has kept people out of my life, but at least people I let in now are good people - although so few. Trust your instincts and gut.

When I've gone against my instinct and gut - even just trying to help someone out. Came out bad.

We can't shoulder these emotions as they kill the soul.

Very wise and well spoken.

Maybe this will help....
"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

(not that I have learned this lesson yet...but maybe it will help you)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You can't tell until its too late?

Sorry, but your therapist has literally no experience herself with a narcissist herself and/or is piss-poor at picking up on the signs.

Yes, you can indeed spot a narc from a mile away if you have experience with them in the past. Certain traits come forward pretty quickly in many of them. I'm not saying this is true of ALL of them, but to say that you can't tell who is a narc until its too late makes them seem like they're SO much more above the rest of us and can fool us all......stop me now, but isn't that what the narc wants us to believe?

Yes, I can spot some narcissists right off the bat. I've had people tell me I'm overly paranoid or that I seem them everywhere I go.....Not true as I've only been able to spot a few of them, and I've never had a narcissist fool me with their behavior only to figure out who they are much later. (Read: All the narcs I've come across I've been able to spot fairly quickly, and I've only come across a few.)

Then again, maybe the general public cannot pick up on these signs? I've known them since BIRTH with 2 different people, so maybe that's the difference? I don't know. Maybe if you're experience with narcs isn't until later and isn't in so much depth that those signs don't trigger an immediate warning response and you brush them off?

 

[VioletButterfly]

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection." - Buddha

Thank you - I like this A LOT! :)

 

[VioletButterfly]

Solara - I agree with you and this is what raised the flag for me with this T. She's so absolute. That always flags me though. TO me Narcs usually are egotistical and manipulative, two-faced.... I could go on about my former boss here. lol P.S. She claims to have written a book about this and showed me the cover during our session. Weird, huh? I hope my narc flag is up when I get to interviewing as I certainly don't want to go through what I have with the past 3 jobs!

Ocean 5 - I'm with you, it's an internal flag that goes up. I sense it. Really. It's weird. I usually just don't listen to it as I grew up with it and it seems par for the course and something I have to contend with. I did have a boss though that I'd take a pay cut to go back and work with, and he's a salesman! No narc there, though. A good guy.

Thanks for sharing. VB