General What To Do

[journey31]

He has been extremely distant these past two weeks. He is in the process of being restationed next week. I know he's busy. So wasn't concerned until I found out he's been drinking. He's going out to bars. This isn't normal. He normally just sits at home on the xbox. Do I ask if he's ok? Do I just wait and see.

I would ask his mom, but she wouldn't know. He didn't even check on her after she had surgery.

 

[Nicolette]

Do I ask if he's ok? Do I just wait and see.

I feel that only you can make this decision however I would recommend it being brief for starters if you decided to.

 

[journey31]

Well, he ended up breaking up with me a few days after I posted this. He's stationed in WA, I'm in GA. He said when we're together, it feels like we're a family, but he started losing the emotional connection when we're apart.

He said he's still going to come visit, meet my family, his family still considers me part of the family and will welcome me with open arms if i ever want to visit, in CA. Still said he'd adopt my daughter, still calls every single day.

He is being moved to HI. I know horrible place, right.But he was saying he's so far, getting moved farther away, going to deploy again (doesn't know when though). He said there's no way I could move there on my own, and he's right. The only way I could is if we were married, then sounded anxious saying "I rushed my first marriage and look what happened, (his wife left him while deployed) I'm just not doing it again, I'm not doing it again, it's going to be a long time before I get married again"!

I had to remind him HE was the one who started all the marriage talk. He said he meant every word he said, even he said it. Most recent was end of April, so not long ago. Then started talking about not knowing what's going on in his military career, and maybe when he figures it out, just kept talking in circles.

So, I'm not initiating contact, but not rejecting his contact. Once he calls for the day, I'll send a few texts. He's still calling so, I haven't given up hope, yet. Going to give him time.

 

[blackemerald1]

Hi Journey31,

I guess what jumped at me after reading the thread is will you be ok if he does not continue to contact you and does not adopt your daughter and every thing else he promised. I only ask because long distance relationships are hard to maintain when they are healthy relationships.

It might be time for you to do some good things for yourself regardless of what he does or does not do.

Take care and good luck,
blackemerald1

 

[journey31]

If he doesn't maintain contact, then I have my answer. It really is over. Right now, the promises of marriage and adoption, are no longer on the table. My thoughts were since he's the one keeping contact, he's unsure. I'm not going to wait around forever. But I'll give him a little time. Me being able to move is something I'm working on for myself anyway. So I'm going to work on myself, and see what happens.

 

[Sunshine71]

Just wishing you all the best Journey31 - PTSD changes people and can hits years and years later - my hubby is suffering badly 20 years after what happened.... You sound great and with your head screwed on! I really wish you all the best

Sunshine xx

 

[journey31]

Thank you. I really don't want anyone else. He's an amazing person, a good friend, just doesn't deal with stress well. We broke up once before, and it lasted a week. It's been a week this time, but we're still broke up, but he's still calling.

I was texting his mom yesterday, and he's been talking to her about us (my daughter and I). Honestly, I think it's going to take his next deployment, and me sticking through it, like the last one for him to realize, I'm not leaving like his ex. And to not pressured into marriage that he was the one pushing for in the first place.