What To Expect With Emdr?

[Addy]

Can anyone else tell me what their initial experience was like with EMDR. My T stated that we may use it down the line, but not until my level of depression is more stabilized, and she feels more confident that I will tell her when I am not ok (I have a tendancy to say that I'm fine, when in fact I'm not). At first I was disappointed because I just want to feel like I am actually 'doing something' to get through my PTSD and dissociation. I understand her being cautious, as I have tried to take my life before, though it was a few years back. She told me that when we do start EMDR that she'd want me to not be alone afterwords, perhaps staying with a friend for the night.... and to stay the hell away from my family for atleast a few days. She wants to make sure that someone is with me. Will it be that bad afterwords? She made it sound kind of scary, but at the same time, I just can't keep going on living the way I am. I have nightmares and flashbacks everyday. I somehow manage to work, but come home and just 'check out.' I'm totally exhausted and my days are filled with this feeling of 'nothingness.' I feel so damn empty, numb, like I'm already dead... I just want to make progress.... to see some light at the end of the tunnel. I want to 'want' to wake up in the morning instead of dreading it.​

Also, which form of EMDR (eye movement, taps or tones) is most effective? I've been trying to read as much as I can. Anyway, I'm rambling on... any additional insight into what to expect in the very beginning of EMDR would be helpful. Real life experiences about EMDR are what I haven't been able to find. Thanks.​

 

[kimba]

My T recommended this for down the line too. My problem is I have connected with the memories, but not the underlying feelings associated. Until I can do that EMDR is meaningless. I guess although it has been around for a while it seems to have only recently been really used (at least here in the States). I'm no expert so I hope someone has soem ideas for you. IMHO it probably depends from person to person what the experience is like.

 

[Lucycat]

I have been having EMDR with good results. Also I have been having it despite the fact that I am pretty shut off from feelings too.

As for whether it is better to tap, tones or eye movement I think they are all pretty similar. It is sometimes the therapist's preference, or it can be guided by symptoms. For example tapping is not necessarily helpful for someone who cannot tolerate touch, and eye movement not for someone who cannot focus/ control their eyes etc etc.

EMDR is powerful, exhausting and you continue processing stuff after the session has ended. It usually affects my sleep the night after.

I would highly recommend it, as long as you have an experienced, well trained, qualified therapist.

 

[Complicated]

Hi Addy

I have done EMDR and I made use of the eye movement EMDR. According to my therapist the choice of eye movement, taps or tones is a personal choice and all three are effective. I am a more visually based person in general so I chose for the eye movement version. I did EMDR in the beginning (about three months after I was diagnosed with PTSD). I was raped as a child and the experience was so traumatic for me I blocked it from my mind. I started having flashbacks about 22 years after the trauma with bits and pieces of the event coming back in flashes. This of course may influence the way I experienced the EMDR therapy. In my experience EMDR therapy was tough but really worth it in the end. When I started with it I was having really bad flashbacks two to three times a day. Now, after having done the EMDR therapy, I only have them about every three months so for me it was really worth it. It helped provide me with a structured and supportive environment to regain the memories I blocked out.

Hope that this helps you in some way.

 

[Addy]

Thanks Kimba, Lucycat and Complicated...

How was your first experience with EMDR... was that the toughest one, or did they get tougher as they went along. She, the T, said I'd need to be with a friend afterwords, as she would not want me to be alone. Was this how it was for you too? Does it get harder before it gets easier, or does it typically get easier the further along you go? How do you know when you are stable enough to start? I still have pretty severe depression, which is why she hesitates starting right away. I just started a new medication, in hopes to stabilize my mood before I start the EMDR. Does this make sense to you all?

 

[Martin Taylor]

I've had about ten sessions by now and have become a believer. It can be tough, more than once I became quite upset and found myself crying (sometimes I didn't even know why, the memories were processed so quickly) and yes , I sometimes process in the strangest of places. I can , however, give several examples of improvements that I noticed immediately and still see improvement almost every day. (Little improvements, but better just the same) I know it enabled me to keep out of several arguments and maybe a fist fight with a great big strong gorilla type of person. (I would have won, I can run faster!) Just tonight I had a session and was pretty upset, but my T talked me down and chatted for a while and then I hit some golf balls and now I am OK. I think it works, I think it may trigger some emotions, but I also believe it is worth it.

By the way, my first two sessions were easy, then I stumbled into something unexpected and it just plain got rough. I stuck with it, and some sessions are easier than others. But they are all valuable. I go with the fingers, I am also a visual person. I actually look forward to my next session, I like getting better.

 

[Addy]

Thanks Martin... just curious, how did you know when you were ready to begin? did you just dive into it with your T, or did you do other work prior?

 

[LawPhotos]

I only did two EMDR sessions with my T before she decided that we should put it on hold due to my reactions. We chose the visual (eye movement) as I am very aversive to touch. I had a great deal of trouble maintaining the concentration necessary for the eye movement as I was very uncomfortable with the physical closeness necessary for eye movement. I have a very large "bubble" which I need people to stay out of when my arousal is heightened, which of course it is when you know you are about to do EMDR.

In both sessions I became overwhelmed quickly and dissociated pretty intensely. My SUDS level didn't really drop and I think my T felt that the whole thing was becoming retraumatizing. I couldn't manage it then, I feel in an even worse place now due to issues in the present, so I guess I'm just not ready.

 

[Lucycat]

My T decided that I was ready to start EMDR. I had no idea - after all he is very experienced in it and I had never heard of it. I just had to trust his judgement.

We use the headphones - so it is 'tones' rather than visual.

We did practise on 'safe place' for several weeks before EMDR started.

I too very quickly started to dissociate, so I am only 'back' in the memory for a few seconds at a time. That has made it easier to stay present and grounded.

The first sessions were fairly easy, although I did - and still do - find it hard to describe what I am feeling. But I say that. If I feel nothing or empty I just say so.

I have had some very easy sessions and then out of nowhere one will be incredibly hard - like I didn't see it coming. My T has suggested that it is like peeling away the layers of an onion. I gets more difficult as you get closer to the centre.

I cry in most sessions. I soon stopped worrying about that.

Addy, I would suggest that you do not worry about EMDR. It is simply a technique used by your T. Let HER make the decisions about how to do it, when you are ready etc. There is no preparation for you to be doing. Actually I was worried at first about what the target should be each time. I quickly realised that it was my T who would decide, although he always asks for my agreement before we start.

Good luck with it. I am sure once you get started you will wonder what you were worrying about!!

 

[Addy]

Addy, I would suggest that you do not worry about EMDR. It is simply a technique used by your T. Let HER make the decisions about how to do it, when you are ready etc. There is no preparation for you to be doing. Actually I was worried at first about what the target should be each time. I quickly realised that it was my T who would decide, although he always asks for my agreement before we start.

Good luck with it. I am sure once you get started you will wonder what you were worrying about!!

Thanks Lucycat... good advice! Like most of us, I just want to feel like I'm accomplishing something... I'm tired of feeling the way that I do (depression, anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, dissociating where I just check out and feel real spacey - and ultimately accomplish nothing of what I need to be doing). The T just doesn't feel that I'm ready for it quite yet, until my mood is more stable, and I'm able to be more honest with her about how I am doing and feeling. I guess that would be the place to start... trying to be more communicative about my feelings, symptoms, etc. I really appreciate your sharing your experience and making it not seem so scary. :tup:

 

[Complicated]

I agree with Lucycat, you should let your therapist help you decide when to start and how to proceed because Im sure she has a lot of experience with this. For me the first session was really hard because I didnt know what to expect or how I would react. After that some sessions were less bad than others but I couldnt find a pattern to it. Again I think in summary - EMDR is tough but worth it.

I cant think of an easy/quick therapy for PTSD, in my experience they are all hard and painful and the progress is slow but all we can do is try to keep moving through it and healing piece by piece.

 

[Addy]

Thanks Complicated... I agree with both you and Lucycat. I think I've been letting this stress me out too much. I just need to have trust and confidence in my T that she will proceed when I'm ready, and pace me at a manageable level. I think I'm the type of person that feels like I have to be in control, and know what's going on or whats going to happen all the time... probably because so much of my life was not in my control (abusive upbringing, ptsd, etc.). I guess I'll just try to go with the flow. Thanks for your support!