What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[Mandy Tad]

I have had none of the above treatments. The meds are helping me but it does not help when someone yells at me or behaves rudely towards me, I end up crying and hysterical. Well he has been telling me not to apply for jobs but its my way of dealing with wanting to feel good about myself and telling myself I am okay. I dont know anymore if I do want to get back to working, I am very confused. I told him that I finally have decided to quit looking for work and then he says Oh, what if tomorrow you feel a little better and start looking again? I dont know anymore what I am doing. I take Valium and feel good, then I go and apply for jobs and then I regret it. I feel as if I am insane, I can no longer stick to one decision. I feel like there are 2 of me, one my old self saying fight it stay strong, and another saying listen to what the doctor says. I wish I could kill one of them and the more I think of it I want to kill my old self the one that stood up to the bullies and paid the price. I dont know, everyone says I was such an assertive person, now I question everything.

The other day my physio spoke to me very rudely, I just shut up and came home and cried. I said dont say anything, if the doctor asks how you are feeling say I am fine, if I say I am feeling ill they say.. Oh but you are smiling, the meds are working.

I feel as if I am my own worst devil. All along I have been a strong person for all the wrong reasons, stay strong, dont let the bullies get to you but they did. And now I am trying to be my old self again which I hate so much but cannot stop. The old self made me what I am today.

My psychologist tells me to do what I have to do to feel better?

 

[Shellbell]

@ Mandy Tad. I would question why you are not having the normal PTSD therapies. It sounds like they are treating you more for severe anxiety and depression, which are indeed very difficult and very common and understable for serious workplace bullying.

Only you know whether you are ready for work. Go with your instincts.

 

[Tanishq]

Only you know whether you are ready for work

Yes Shellbell. If someone interferes with your free will and causes you more stress and anxiety. It will be better to get away from them. It's very hard to listen and fully understand. It takes so much care and time giving. Obviously most people can't give this all things.

 

[Mandy Tad]

Shellbell, I dont know my own instincts. When I follow them I end myself in a hole. Like the new job, I was told not to apply but I followed my own instincts and was a mess at the new job on the first day with flashbacks, panic attacks, I did not know what was happening to me all I knew was I was sitting and screaming. All my old work colleagues were in the meeting room. I ended up collapsing the next day and called even my old workplace manager. I told her that my hand was hurting too much and she asked me if there was anything else, I told her what I saw and felt. It was as though she knew I was affected especially when she said I feared something like this would happen to you.

I want to go back to work to feel normal again but I dont know after having 2 more flashbacks out of the blue and even almost jumping in front of the train I dont know myself anymore. I know though the meds are keeping me out of mental silly thoughts though the other day I wanted to do it again when my physio spoke to me rudely. I just dont want to speak with anyone for fear of being yelled at. Is it wrong to feel that way?
Everyone says stop thinking? Think only positive things?

 

[KatB]

Personal favs:

'If you just concentrate on happy thoughts that would help you get through this.'

And my personal, all-time favorite:

'Just snap out of it. I've had bad things happen in my life and you don't see me giving in to it.'
Go **** yourself!

Lisa

Get over it!
Come on, smile for me!
Come on, cheer up! --> this is my top least favorite.

Those are the top ones i dislike the most. I am fed up with hearing the last quote. It makes me feel like a partypooper and wrong if I don't smile for them. I think the pain and trauma makes it difficult for me to put a happy grin on my face. I remember how I used to laugh and it would make anyone else laugh at or with me; they used to say my smile and laughter was contagious. These are the things i miss most. They have no clue...

 

[Mandy Tad]

I have been told today to find a psychologist who treats and specializes in PTSD immediately just dont know where to start.

 

[Tanishq]

Is it wrong to feel that way?
Everyone says stop thinking? Think only positive things?

It's not that easy I know. you can't stop all thoughts at once. It would be like forcing someone to meditate all of sudden. Yes, I consider that. but if someone's focused on something, then that needs to be acknowledged first.

Mandy, can I ask you what is the first thing you want to deal with?

 

[KatB]

I think that is the hardest part to start from/with: organize and pinpoint where everything really started. I don't wanna make LESS sound impossible, but i have multiple traumas, from years that I probably don't and want to remember. That is the challengez one that we can not make alone.

 

[KatB]

*PTSD

 

[Mandy Tad]

Mandy, can I ask you what is the first thing you want to deal with?

Hi Jaret, I am speechless. The honest truth which I have been fighting all along is my health, the one thing that I should be focused on.I realized it during a session with my psychologist when he said to me - you pretend you are me and I have come to you for help and what would you say. I realized that I was dealing with getting back to a new job was wrong but then I got a call from a company I had met earlier in the year and they called me for an interview and then I began to go back to the wrong thing. I want to be happy and myself again. I will look like a fool if I tell that company I cannot work because I have PTSD. I will never get this opportunity again. I have been at home for a year and want to feel happy again. Jaret a honest truth, I am frightened to get help as I am afraid I will become the same person again. My psychologist says the old ME is still there, I do not want to be the old ME. The old ME did things all wrong. I did not recognize the bullying, I could have left the organisation but I stayed on there. I let the bully me, I let it happen. It is my fault. My manager used to tell me to watch my back, I keep asking myself why did you stay on even though you knew it was affecting you. I did this to myself.

If I had left I would have been happy today, but now I have to deal with a past of running away from a new job because all I could see and feel was those horrible people there. This is so mean.

 

[Shellbell]

The bullying wasn't your fault Mandy Tad. I think the bullying has shattered your confidence and belief in yourself as a capable person. I've had serious workplace bullying, I know that is difficult.

Bullying alone cannot cause PTSD, unless it involved a real fear and threat to your existence, as in you believed you could not survive and die (and not by ending your own life). If there was a previous trauma earlier if life that fits that criteria, then bullying later in life can be more difficult to deal with. I had severe workplace bullying, but that didn't cause my PTSD, previous serious sexual, physical and psychological abuse where I did believe I would not survive (rape, threats to my life, guns at my head etc) - caused that earlier in my life. And those are the things that I am working on in therapy. The bullying is a secondary issue to my abuse experiences.

Sometimes symptoms are similar to ones experienced in PTSD, like anxiety and depression. I think it's good advice you have been given to go to see someone who is experienced in PTSD, trauma and diagnosis.

 

[Tanishq]

If I had left I would have been happy today, but now I have to deal with a past of running away from a new job because all I could see and feel was those horrible people there.

Ok. Mandy I am understanding what you are saying. You again missed an opportunity. But you are more aware now. You know what not to do again. I know finding a job isn't any easy task. I want to tell you it doesn't expel you from applying for the job you have been wanting. You can still get a job.

I am hearing you. You are remembering those bullies you had to suffer and that makes hard for you to find a new job again.

Mandy, how about writing your new Me? See yourself, you have become aware. You sound more hopeful and have fire to go ahead in your life. You are hopeful for happiness. You're going to get a job. You are going to overcome fears. What do you see in new me? Write down it and when you begin to think about old ME, replace it with new one. It will make easier for you to overcome those thoughts. I hope you like this idea.

:hug: