What To Never Say To A Ptsd Sufferer

[strawberryburns]

I had a therapist who I saw once, tell me "It's a miracle you haven't committed suicide".

Talk about horrified - I just wanted to say "ya know, you're right, let me get right on that!"

I've heard that same thing before. I've also been told by doctor's that it's a wonder that the stress of what I have been through hasn't killed me via heart attack. So then I get stressed out over being stressed out.:wall:



I'm trying really hard to make a life for myself after leaving my ex. I'm trying to get through college and find my place in the art world. I have made some local contacts, very well respected artists in their field. One has started to become a father figure to me and I feel like I have been letting him down lately and I'm scared he will get tired of my flakey ass and I'll lose a friend, a mentor, and great local art contact all in one swoop. Most recently I am dealing with my impending birthday, that and Christmas are very hard for me. My birthday was used many times as a target day by my ex to turn up his abusive behavior. For at least a month before one birthday he told me repeatedly that he planned to make the day hell for me. I woke up that day to no car keys, no purse, no wallet, money, or ID. I wasn't allowed to leave the house. I received a non stop barrage of emotional abuse and verbal abuse and the normal actions he would use to keep me shaking. Slamming stuff around, breaking things, getting up in my face with a clinched fist, telling me how lucky I was that he hadn't put me in my place and beat the sh*t out of me. He knew he didn't have to hit me to terrorize and control me so why leave marks for the cops to see? When someone confesses murders to you, you tend to not want to push them too far by standing up for yourself. Anyway, I'm trying really hard to turn my birthday into a happy time and not a trigger but when it only comes once a year the chances to do that and retrain my brain are few and far between. The last few days have been tough and I explained why I hadn't been in to see my friend/mentor. I got the whole "quit living in the past" and "make the choice not to be that way" speech. I don't choose to shake, I don't choose to be so depressed that I don't want to leave my room much less my apartment, I don't choose to have nightmares, I don't choose to cry uncontrollably, or jump out of my skin at the slightest unexpected noise. I do choose however, to try to fight all that, but I don't always win. I don't know how to get my mentor to understand that. I don't know how to get anyone to that doesn't know what PTSD is like to live with.:dontknow:

 

[Arcticboy1970]

The ones that really got me were;

- How can a boy be sexually abused by a teenage girl?
hmmm,
- I'd have shot the bastard
-

 

[Arcticboy1970]

oops sorry hit a button,

again the ones that got me were;

- how can a boy be sexually abused by a teenage girl?
hmmm, was pretty easy for it to happen to me, all that was needed was parents who were drunks and weren't selective in their choices.
- I'd have shot the bastard
yep, your right I would have too, but what if I missed or just wounded him
- why didn't you just go live with your dad?
oh right I forgot kids had so many options and choices and say in what happened in their lives back ni the seventies. I could have chosen to get out of there....how could I do that again...walk me through it please...and talk to me like I am 7....cause that was when it all went for shit butt head.

 

[Hollow]

Some of the comments I have got:

- But you haven't been trough any wars..? (My ****ed up and abusive mother)

- It's not worse for you than to anybody else. (My own brother while I was admitted)

- Why didn't you just leave him if he was so awful? (I've gotten this one a lot)

- It's a wonder that you even get up in the morning! (From my therapist)

- I think you are going to hit your children if you get any! (Other therapist)

- You're psychopathic! (Same therapist as above)

- What have I done wrong to deserve you being like this? (My dad)


And so it goes on... Well, we've been through hell, so why don't give us some more to bury ourselves in!

 

[Irton Pike]

"You're unprofessional! You're always forgetting things!"


My boss. (actually ex boss) BELLOWING at the top of his voice.

 

[goingonhope]

Mother's comment, from many years ago:

[Following having shared a decision (a wise decision at that) to break-up with an abusive boyfriend] ............• "Oh' so you're going to break this guy's heart as well"? "You love to break hearts don't you?"

 

[hodge]

OMG, yeah, I've gotten this one, too:

- It's a wonder that you even get up in the morning!

And, Hope, I've gotten the same thing from my mother. She's said that even when she wanted me to break up with the guy. Plus, she's said I drop people just like I drop my family.

So, I guess it's just a weird anomaly that I've been with my husband for 10 years now and have a few great friendships going back than 20 years, right?

 

[FightingLily]

Just today,

" Why do you see a therapist?"
Hmm, perhaps because you guys are sooo supportive and understanding...like I want any of YOU to know the things about me that make me vulnerable to your already toxic arsenal of negative things to throw at me.

"Seeing a therapist is gonna make you blow your brains out or kill someone..it perpetuates feeling sorry for yourself..."
*rolling eyes at this one* uhh, first of all, I am not depressed, why would I blow my brains out? Secondly, I'm practicing self control RIGHT NOW, so what is keeping me from strangling you Homer style? And in your Almighty opinion, what will be the effect of seeing YOU on a regular basis?

All of this coming from my know-it-all, ever pleasant little sister. I really want to trade her in after today....

 

[pandora]

I can't live in the past....anyone's past.....yours or mine......

A close friend said this to me and I am still angry....I didn't choose to get this and I really needed some questions answered but that never happened.

 

[becvan]

I heard tonight, AGAIN, just say the serenity prayer.

I know just where he can stick that serenity prayer! @#*!

bec

 

[Auburngirl]

Just don't think about it....

said with good intentions but frustrating nonetheless

 

[catjudo]

What have I done wrong to deserve you being like this? (My dad)

I've heard some variation of this from my mother so many times over the years that I've lost count. My favorite was when laying in a hospital bed the day after trying to end my life...my mother crying and asking what she had done to deserve this.